Manager Don: “Deven, I’m glad I caught you. Can you step into my office for a moment?”
Me: “Oh God, what did she do now?”
Manager Don: “No, nothing like that, I think. Can you spare a few minutes?’
Me: “Sure.”
****
Manager Don: “I wanted to know if you’d be open to doing a favor for me? When I saw you today, I realized you would be the perfect person to ask.”
Me: “Just tell me what’s going on.”
Manager Don: “That’s just it. I don’t know what’s going on. They seem to have accepted you as one of their own. Maybe you can find out for me.”
Me: “Oh God, what did she do now?”
Manager Don: “I’m sure it’s nothing bad, but I worry when they’re all being sneaky.”
Me: “Sneaky how?”
Manager Don: “Well as far as your mother goes, I see her trying to tiptoe with Bob past the office. She’d have an easier time with this if she hadn’t hung wind chimes on her walker.”
Me: “She has wind chimes on her walker?”
Manager Don: “Yes. And it’s not just Bob and Betty acting sneaky. Something is definitely up. I see Tansy, Louise, and Thelma darting around too. Jackie, you know her, she’s the assistant manager, she lives in 215, she says she sees all of them in the evening shuffling around and giggling.”
Me: “Mom has wind chimes on her walker?”
Manager Don: “So, if you wouldn’t mind when you’re around here today, could you see if you can figure out what’s going on? You don’t have to tell me the details, I just need to know if they’re doing something dangerous.”
Me: “Dangerous? You think the wind chimes could be a gang symbol?”
Manager Don: “I don’t want to pry into their business, I just need to know if it’s something I should know about.”
Me: “I understand. I’ll go undercover and see what I can find out. I’ll stop by later.”
Manager Don: “Thanks and I know you’re kidding about that gang thing, but I have heard talk of an all ladies assassin club. I don’t know where they got that idea from.”
Me: ::cough::
****
“It’s me Mom”
“Hi. Come sit down. I’m trying to get the last Jumble word then I’ll be ready to go.”
“There’s nothing hanging on your walker.”
“Should there be?”
“Ah… no, I guess not.”
“STOBUE What word can you make out of that?”
“I can’t do those things unless I’m looking at them.”
“Oh, I know. Stub.”
“Don’t you have some letters left over?”
“Yes, I just scratch them out.”
“How do you get the final answer then?”
“I don’t.”
“What’s the point in doing the puzzle?”
“Well what’s the point in getting up in the morning? Life’s too short to worry about The Jumble. Grab my keys from the drawer and I’ll get my things.”
“Mom, why are there wind chimes in the key drawer?”
::SLAM::
“OW! Mom! You slammed my fingers in the drawer!”
“I’m sorry. You’ll live. You know it’s such a lovely day, let’s go for a walk in the hall.”
“Mom, it’s raining outside, and the hallways are interior. What are you talking about?”
“Who would have thought that I’d raise a daughter too short sighted to see the joy in strolling the hall.”
“Okay, we’ll stroll the hall, but don’t think I’m so stupid I can’t see that something is going on.”
“What could possibly be going on?”
“I’m sure quite a bit.”
****
Thelma: “Hello Betty’s daughter. Are you doing what I think you’re doing Betty?”
Mom: “Why yes, I’m just strolling the hallways with my daughter. ::wink::”
Thelma: “heheheee”
****
Me: “Miss Thelma giggled. That was creepy Mom. What’s going on?”
Mom: “Are you telling me that you think that old women shouldn’t giggle?”
Me: “You know better than that, but we’re talking about Miss Thelma. I just want to know what she giggled about.”
Mom: “Sometimes people just think of something funny and they giggle. Loosen up.”
***
Bob: “Well hello ladies.”
Mom: “heheheheeehehee. Tinkle, tinkle Bob.”
Bob: “Oh you flirt! Heheheheee.”
Me: “Oh God….”
Mom: “Did you say something Deven?”
Me: “No, no…”
****
“Mom, that was a little insensitive of you to tease Bob about his tinkling problem.”
“What?! I did no such thing!”
“ ‘Tinkle, tinkle Bob?’ “
“I wasn’t talking about his prostate! That’s just a little thing we say to each other.”
“Like a gang chant?”
“A what?”
“Nevermind. Mom, why are we walking the halls?”
“We’re enjoying the scenery.”
“The scenery of the closed in hall.”
“Yes. Let’s head to the activity room.”
“Yes, perhaps the tulips are in bloom there.”
“Don’t be a smarty pants.”
****
“Deven, you just stand in the doorway here. I’m going inside the activity room to check on something.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, you’ll stand as wide as you can get in the doorway here.”
“No, I think I’m coming with you.”
“As your mother, I’m telling you to stand as wide as you can and block this doorway. Cough loudly if someone is trying to get in.”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
“I could have already taken care of it in the time that we’ve bickered here. Now do as your mother says.”
****
Me: “Hi Miss Thelma. ::cough cough:: How are you? ::COUGH COUGH COUGH::”
Thelma: “You’re going to kill us all with the bird ‘flu! Stop that coughing! And try not to breathe!”
Mom: “Thelma is that you?”
Thelma: “Yes. I’d come in but your daughter is infecting the doorway.”
Mom: “Deven, let her in.”
Me: “Okay, but be warned, I’m coming in too and you two are going to tell me what’s going on.”
****
Mom: “Well this is what’s going on.”
Me: “Where? Here? The jigsaw puzzles?”
Thelma: “Yes, and don’t you squeal.”
Me: “Squeal about what? I’m pretty sure people are going to notice that there’s two huge jigsaw puzzles here.”
Thelma: “No offense Betty, but your daughter can be pretty dense sometimes.”
Mom: “We’re playing Jigsaw Battle.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Mom: “Well this is the first floor’s jigsaw, and this one is the third floor’s jigsaw. We’re battling.”
Me: “And you’re doing something sneaky? Like taking theirs apart?”
Mom: “NO! That’s not sporting! A team member is allowed to come in once an hour and move one of their opponent’s pieces to their table. But the rules say, no one can catch you doing it.”
Me: “Rules? Are both sides doing this? Who wrote these rules?”
Thelma: “The Jigsaw Council. We had to form a council after Mr. O’Donnel died. He wrecked the last game of Jigsaw Battle.”
Me: “Jigsaw Council. Uh huh. ::sigh:: Okay, I’ll play along, what did Mr. O’Donnel do?”
Thelma: “We use to play this game more aggressively. People were allowed to take one piece of their opponent’s puzzle and hide it in any public place in the building. He use to gripe and gripe about it being nonsense and got downright nasty about it when he found a piece in the sugar bowl. The next day, the puzzles disappeared. Then he dropped dead.”
Mom: “All of this happened before I moved here. They were telling me about Jigsaw Battle and it sounded like fun. So I suggested we figure out a way to play that wouldn’t upset people. So that’s why there’s a council. Shoot, now that you’re both in here, I can’t move a piece.”
Thelma: “I’ll go outside the door with your daughter. Then you can move it.”
****
Thelma: “Betty’s daughter, I’m glad I got a chance to talk to you alone. You need to know that I’m trying my best to keep your mother from getting evicted.”
Me: :”:gasp:: Evicted! For the puzzle thing?”
Thelma: “Don’t be foolish. No, she’s fraternizing with Bob. That’s against the rules.”
Me: “…ah… Miss Thelma, I’m pretty sure that’s not against the rules.”
Thelma: “It is too! You’re not allowed to have men in your apartment!”
Me: “I don’t think that’s the case…”
Thelma: “So I’m helping them have some private time together.”
Me: “I don’t really need to know the de…”
Thelma: “I gave her some wind chimes.”
Me: “Ah, well it’s all clear now.”
Thelma: “That’s you being a smarty pants, isn’t it?”
Me: “A bit, yes. Okay, why wind chimes?”
Thelma: “They meet in the evenings for a cup of tea in the laundry room. Since there’s a door, they can have some privacy there. Betty hangs the wind chimes on the knob so if someone comes in, they can hear it tinkle.”
Me: “Ah.. wouldn’t someone coming into the laundry room just see two people sitting there chatting?”
Thelma: “I think they might be smooching a bit. I don’t ask.”
Me: “Oh God…”
Mom: “All done doing nothing sneaky. Heheheheeee.”
****
“Can we stop strolling Mom?”
“Yes, I need to go get my coat and shawlffler and then we can go to the store.”
“Okay. Do you have some trash for me to carry to the dumpster?”
“Oh, good idea, just grab the bag from the kitchen bin.”
****
Me: “Okay, this has to be quick. Here’s what’s going on…”
Manager Don: “Okay, shoot.”
Me: “They’re playing Jigsaw Battle.”
Manager Don: “::groan:: That was a nightmare the last time. Housekeeping threatened to quit if they sucked up one more piece in the vacuum. Eventually I snuck in there late and just scooped the puzzles into a trashbag.”
Me: “They think Mr. O’Donnel did that.”
Manager Don: “Yes, he was nice enough to die the next day.”
Me: “You’re going to hell, you know that right?”
Manager Don: “I’ve worked here for eight years. I’ve earned enough hell offsets. What do the chimes have to do with this?”
Me: “Oh. Yeah. Ah.. is there a rule about fraternization between residents?”
Manager Don: “Of course not.”
Me: “Well Thelma has convinced Mom and Bob that there is. So in the evenings they spend some time in the laundry room with the door shut and the chimes at the ready to signal if someone is coming in.”
Manager Don: “Do you want me to set your mother straight about the rules?”
Me: “Yes, that’s a fine idea. And I’ll let them know that poor Mr. O’Donnel didn’t have a thing to do with the last battle.”
Manager Don: “….”
Me: “….”
Manager Don: “So, our little secret then.”
Me: “Yes.”
****
“That took you awhile.”
“Yes, I strolled to the dumpster.”
“Is it still raining outside?”
“No, the sun has come out. It’s actually nice out there.”
“Spring is on it’s way!”
“Flowers blooming and wind chimes chiming.”
“We could all do with some wind chimes every now and then.”
“I’m sure you’re right.”
(Okay, before you puff all up and scold me, Mom has been pretty clear with me that she is not interested in gaining another life partner. She’s told me that you’d have to be a fool to get married to an old man. Also, my way of thinking, this is all the more delicious for the two of them, if they have to sneak around. So ::tinkle tinkle:: to you all)
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Hildy Johnson
kipouros
Redstocking Grandma
the one about
kmcbain
Will Someone Feed The Cat?
Salon.com
Comments
I might have to update this in the coming weeks.
Wish I needed windchimes on my door ;0)
Deven, this was deligthful!
T&D I was just about to go to bed and this came up on the feed. Now I'm laughing so hard I might just as well have another glass of wine.
Yer Mum is a caution. And so are her friends. Love this stuff.
LOL! Oh, this is the best line I've read all day. I just about snarfed my drink when I read that.
Rated with a big smile.
Thanks for the much needed smile today.
I think the one with fewer pieces is winning, she says it's the one with more.
You're going to injure me.
(thumbified because my snorter/giggler is now hoarse)
I, too, am ready to live there. And dinner is delightfully early. Every day.
If it is a), it looks like the white table is winning, just because they have more outlined. (And the blue table won't be able to finish, because now all of their pieces are on the white table.)
(Well, THAT made a lot sense in my head ... hope it translated.)
Never thought of using windchimes for that purpose, though they would give you sound warning whereas a hair-tie wouldn't.
Rated, as always.
I kinda think finishing the puzzles aren't really the important thing, here. It's the strategy, and the secret rivalry that make it fun. So much sneakier and more challenging than just... doing a puzzle itself. Adds a certain spice to something to a rather tame activity. Just like meeting in the laundry room with windchimes on the door.
And I’m w/you T&D, if the picture on the box for the one on the right (looks like a much smaller puzzle) is accurate, I’d say that’s the one that’s ahead. What is it, the Millenium Falcon or something?
They are so cute when they get all sneaky.
When you don't drive, have a job or children (or usually a living spouse), the days can be very long. I think that Mom and her friends have extended their days with their creativeness. But you might tell them it would work better if they started with puzzles with an equal number of pieces. :)
I'm buying wind chimes this afternoon! But, I 'm not quite ready for the nursing home... maybe I'll buy a puzzle for my front porch and see who drops by. tinkle tinkle
I'd like to point out that the picture on the right shows a jigsaw puzzle table with a table cloth and the one on the left seems to have no table cloth.
The windchimes aren't a gang sign. The tablecloth, and maybe the color of the tablecloth is a clear gang sign. Watch for walkers or canes with a bit of blue fabric. Look for photos of residents holding up the ASL sign for "f" with one hand and one or three fingers up with the other hand (first and third floor).
Clearly the tinkle tinkle sex market is only a support industry for these hard charging gang bangers.
Your mom sounds like a pip.
denese
Can they take pieces that are already placed, or can they only take from the loose pile? If they can only take loose pieces, (to answer your question in the comments) then I'd say the team with the more complete puzzle is winning.
GAWD, I can't believe I'm actually giving this all serious thought. YOu've done it again. Thinkle, thinkle.
gang chants.
i am glad they have such fun and intrigue. i think that your mother at that home, like you here on open, deven - keeps things lively and fun. what a tremendous gift to have and to give.
Larry David should hire you.
____________>rated
They're not allowed to remove already attached pieces. Yeah, one of the puzzles is a 3D one, so I don't get how that was fair - but each side chose their own puzzles.
Don isn't going to say anything to them about the fraternization policy - unless they ask him directly.
Your mom's comments about Jumble - laughed out loud.
I love your mom. Mostly, I love how you and your mom love each other, how that shines through in these funny stories. Thanks. It makes me feel daughterly, like calling my mom.
This one time? at band camp...
rated for just scratching the extra letters out
I'm beginning to worry.
I UNDERSTAND the jigsaw battle.
;-(
Rated & Cheers!
You're a good daughter. And you definitely should get some compensation for keeping Manager Don's secret. :-D
Thumbed.
::giggle:: ::giggle::
Rated 2x!