Deven McKay

Deven McKay
Seattle, Washington,
July 01
I've changed a lot in the last five years, some good, some bad, some things are just different. I'm trying to find a way back to me, but I'm pretty sure that my GPS has dementia.


Editor’s Pick
APRIL 1, 2009 12:05AM

Mom threatens to outsource

Rate: 69 Flag

 Mom has had it with me

“So what’s up with the diary people?”

“I don’t know Mom, our internet connection has been down.”

“::gasp:: How long?”

“For a couple of weeks now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?  You could have come over and used our invisible computer connection.”

“Mom, it’s not that big of a deal.  It might have been a blessing in disguise.  I’ve been able to finish painting the kitchen and I’ve read three books.”

“Who has been telling them about me?”

“Ah… well.. no one Mom.”

“Oh no, no, no, no.  This will not do.  People are fickle.  They’ll forget all about us.”

“Mom, it’s just been a couple of …”

“Did you tell them about Sexy City?”

“Not yet. I…”

“Did you write up the interview questions yet?”

“Well, no…”

“Then I’m going to find someone else to do it.”

“You’re firing me?”

“I’m not firing you, just finding a temporary fill in.  I could just get Terri-Sue to do it.”

“You’re firing me!”

“You’re so dramatic!  I’m not firing you.  Where are your notes for Sexy City?”

“I’m not giving you my notes.”

“I need the ones from the interview thing too.”

“I’m not giving you my notes.”

“We’ll swing by your house after we go to Fred Meyer and you can get them for me.”

“I’m not giving you my notes.”

“I hope they’re not too chicken scratchy.”

“I’m not giving you my notes.”

“I guess if they’re too bad, I could just have you read them to Terri-Sue…”

“That is so not going to happen.”

“From now on I’m going to tape record everything in case this happens again.”

“Mom, there’s a little bit more to this than just transcribing every thing you guys say.”

“How much more?”



“Okay, not that much more, but I’m still not giving you my notes and I’m not letting you fire me.”

“::sigh:: All right then.”

“Oh lord Mom, are you going to pout about this?”

“I’ve never pouted in my life.  ::sigh:: I guess I can’t force you to give me your notes, even though they are my own words you’re using.  ::sigh:: Let’s just go run our errands.”


“Don’t tell Tansy and Louise about this, it would just break their hearts.  Let’s just go…”

“For Pete’s sake Mom…”

“Come on.  We’re just wasting your valuable time…”

“UGH!  Okay, how about this.  I’ll sit down right now and hand write out something for the diary people telling them about our computer troubles.  I can type it up and then drive to my friend’s house to use her connection to post it.”

“How long before you get your invisible computer thingie fixed?”

“They say just a couple more days.”

“I guess that will have to do then.  If it goes on for much longer than that, I’ll just get Terri-Sue to do it for us.”

“Are you threatening to replace me?”

“Yes.  Now just write down everything I’m saying:”


 Dear Diary People,

I am not dead.  My daughter’s invisible computer connection is broken.  Please don’t forget about me.  The ladies of the Lakeside Retirement Home still have some things to tell you that might be important.  Please stay tuned.  We will be back as quickly as possible.


Betty and the Gang


“ ‘Betty and the Gang’?”

“Yes.  Has a ring to it, doesn’t it?”

“ah…  I don’t think Thelma would think so.”

“::snort:: She’d like something along the lines of ‘The Dangerous Dolls of Doom’.”

“Actually I like ‘The Dangerous Dolls of Doom’.  Maybe I can get you guys silk jackets.”

“Maybe Tansy can knit us some.  Now you make sure you get that message to the Diary People and you get that computer thing fixed!”

silk jacket

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
Dear Betty and the Gang,
Can hardly wait for your next words of wisdom.
Hooray! Tequila and Donuts is back... and so is Betty and the Gang of Dangerous Dolls of Doom!

I so enjoy your mother. =o)
I've held an internet connection for over an hour... so maybe, just maybe...
Glad to see you're back! I've missed you and your mom and the rest of the gang...was hoping nothing bad had happened.
My roller skates are ready to, er, roll, we got ourselves a Derby, a Roller Derby.

How wide are the hallways in the Lakeside Retirement Home?

How's mum's beau? Any closet canoodling lately?

This could turn into a moneymaker if we can get some action going!

The vig... the donuts.... the tequila...
Yes'm. Sitting quietly. Hands folded. Waiting...
Another cookie?
T&D has been very inconsiderate, clearly you ladies are saints.
I'm going over there tomorrow. I have a feeling I'm going to get it from "the gang".
If they start throwing gang signs and gestures and stuff...just igonore it as it is probably just low grade seizures.

You can tell them I said that, as frienemy is a beautiful thing in life. Ask them about it in the interviews. They will have some good stories once you explain "frienemy".

Old people haumps are not physical problems, but communication junctions that you must leap in order to transmit information.

Tell that to your verizon people.

You need to get busy!
Seismic activity possible tomorrow, precautions advised while transiting the aisles of Fred Mayer. Avoid the canned goods.
Paper goods should be safe.
You guys are cracking me up!
First off, I must have that jacket!!!!! Or a knockoff. Can I order one?
Like now? I'm seriousing. Are they available?

Second off: Judging from the top photo, T and D, What ARE you
doing to your poor ol' mama? How she suffers.
Please tell Betty and the Gang Bangers we are waiting patiently for the Sexy City review and don't want to hear about it from anyone but you.

I too would run over an old lady to have one of those jackets.
Betty et al... Don't believe a word of that "internet is down" twaddle. I ran computer networks for decades and can tell you, "The system is down" always means, "The waiter was drop dead handsome and I spent three and a half hours at lunch."

Your daughter means well, but there's no point in mincing words: she lacks discipline and has neglected her readership. She's a good kid, but there's always room for improvement. I'm pleased to see you being supportive yet firm about this. You're doing a fine job with that girl.

'Nuff said. We'll leave water under the bridge where Jesus flang it.
Woah. That was a close one. She almost found a replacement writer. And from the sound of it, she may have even tried to talk you out of your T&D byline. Boy, she’d make a good Hollywood producer.
aw, I miss Betty and the gang! And you! Tell your mother she can't replace you. And we look forward to SexyCity when you get back.
Oh my, the pressure! Maybe you should get a back up generator and a dial-up connection, just in case. This is critical work that you perform. You can't disappoint the ladies of the Lakeside Retirement Home. Besides,Terri Sue is nipping at your heels.
Missed you, too. Thought you were off having a Life. Glad to see it was just the invisible internet thing. Wow, you know the economy is bad when you own mom threatens to fire you!
I thought for a minute this was an April Fool's joke.

Tell Betty we won't let her fire you. The diary people demand to have their representative present at all interviews, and we will only accept write-ups that come from you. Or Freaky. But definitely you.

Or Freaky.

Dangerous Dolls of Doom, eh? So, what does Bob think of that? He's now a gang moll.

Thumbed. Welcome back. If you drop off again, call me. I'll get a gang together and we'll come out with shovels. We'll show those Verizon people how to dig.
First thing I saw this morning - yeah! you're back!

Tell Mom it's a package deal. Also tell her she's putting Teri-Sue in great peril by even suggesting she replace you...
"I've never pouted in my life."

LOVE IT! and the jacket is the icing on the cake ~ so to speak!
awwww you mom is a trip. send her big hugs from me!!
How irritating to be without the wireless the same time..oh, the things you get done, eh?

I want to see the kitchen...!
Dear Dangerous Dolls, I am soooo glad you're back on-line! You have such an exciting life in your retirement home. It makes me not so afraid of retirement. You should thank your daughter for her "connections!"
If I had a vote, I'd vote for "Dangerous Dolls of Doom." I'd even make them t-shirts.
Yep - tell your Mom that we not a fickle crowd, except when it comes to the transcriptionist! Chant it with me:
Teri-Sue will not do!
God, I love your posts! And you! And your mom!
Hey, Tequila and Donuts. I was happy to see a new posting. I hadn't seen anything in a while and was worried. I love your stories about the ladies. Your mom kind of reminds me of the way my mom was.
It's time you wrote a book with all this funny material. Thanks! (congrats on the huge cover space–well-deserved)
Yay! They're baaaa-aaack. (I hope.)
I think Freaky will want to join a group called The Dangerous Dolls of Doom, just saying. And I know how your mom feels about that devil doll.

I'm glad you're back. Please let the invisible computer connection stay restored.
Tell the gang that they are truly unforgettable.
(The word Unforgettable to be crooned int the style of Nat King Cole)
Mom's a master of the guilt trip:

“Don’t tell Tansy and Louise about this, it would just break their hearts. Let’s just go…”
“For Pete’s sake Mom…”
“Come on. We’re just wasting your valuable time…”

I recognize the breed :~)
T&D - Tell Betty the Diary People missed her and we'll stay tuned.

(thumbified for connectivity)
"I am not dead" - sounds like Granny Weatherwax. :)
Dear Betty and the gang,

Don't worry. We won’t forget you.


The Diary People
Just catching on to this - look forward to more. For some reason my "Add as Favorite" button is not working.
Boy- you know it's a rough economy if you can get fired by your own mom. Funny funny stuff.
Teri-sue wouldn't even come close, even with the notes. Missed ya T&D.
Don't worry--we won't forget the Dangerous Dolls, or you.
I think it is fabulous that your mother and her gang enjoy your blog! Always look forward to these conversations; thanks!

Tell "mom" we have missed her.
Tell her outsourcing is completely un-patriotic. We need the read deal. 3 Cats.
Was Mrs. T&D ever part of a Roller Derby squad? She seems like she would be anchor for a team of ass-kicking dames. I like that about her. Glad to see you back.
I cannot believe Mom has turned traitor. Doesn't she know outsourcing is what caused this economic mess? ;-)

Welcome back, T&D.
We could NEVER forget you.
Forget terri sue tho. Sounds like an unknown and your daughter has a lot of OS cred.
I'm not sure why I'm even on here since it's only a respite between the visits to the bathroom wherein I do a nifty reverse version of lunch. But I'm holding it down long enough to say hi to Mom and we will be good loyal diary folks.
I would wear a jacket with Betty and The Gang emblazoned on the back. The Dangerous Dolls of Doom isn't too bad either, though.
We'll wait for you, Betty! and Gang!
"my neighborhood looks like a black ops assault. . ."

Being cut off from civilization is good!
This was lovely, I am only going to be on for a moment, because my wireless router keeps turning itself off (new one ordered). Does our reliance on technology kind of suck or what!?!
Wow, I don't think it will be all that long until I will be old enough to be one of the Dangerous Dolls of Doom myself. I can't wait!
aw, I would never forget your mom, you or her gang of gals

All my love to Betty and the Gang.