Deven McKay

Deven McKay
Location
Seattle, Washington,
Birthday
July 01
Bio
I've changed a lot in the last five years, some good, some bad, some things are just different. I'm trying to find a way back to me, but I'm pretty sure that my GPS has dementia.

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SEPTEMBER 10, 2009 9:30PM

Mom Day: ::ahem:: Pet Lovers

Rate: 77 Flag

moose on a pole

Canadian Moose Show

 

::knock knock::

"Come on in, it's open."

"Hi Mom."

"Have you ever heard of people having sex with a dog?"

"......... .......... .................... ............... ............ ................. ....................... ...................................... ................... ......................... ................. ...............  okay, Mom, I'll see you next week."

"You get back here!"

"I don't want to talk about dog sex."

"I don't want to talk about dog sex, I just asked if you had heard about it."

"Yes, I've heard about it.  Now do you want to go to Fred Meyer or Safeway today?"

"Where did you hear about it?"

"Fred Meyer?  Safeway?  Probably in a t.v. ad."

"Ha. Ha.  You know I meant dog sex."

"I don't want to talk about dog sex."

"I don't want to talk about dog sex, I just want to know where you heard about it."

"I don't know Mom.  I think the first time I became aware that people had sex with animals was when someone was joking around about a donkey show."

"What's a donkey show?"

"I don't want to talk about donkey shows with you."

"I don't want to talk about donkey shows, I just want to know what they are."

"Mom, that qualifies as talking about donkey shows with you."

"You're so mean.  You know I don't have a computer to ask about stuff like this.  I suppose I could just ask strangers in Safeway..."

"Ugh, and you would too.  Okay Mom, a donkey show is a sex show where a person performs.. performs.. ah.. acts on a donkey."

"Take me to one."

"NO!  I don't even know if they're real, and if they are they take place across the border."

"I'll pay for the gas to Vancouver."

"Mom, across the border in Mexico, not Canada."

"Oh.  Well that makes more sense.  You don't hear about too many donkeys in Canada.  Maybe Canadians have moose shows."

"I'm not taking you to a moose show either."

"All right.  Maybe we should go to Fred Meyer today.  They're having a good sell on Swiffer pads."

"........ ............. ................. .............. ............ I can't stand it, why were you asking me about dog sex?"

"I don't want to talk about dog sex."

"I don't want to talk about dog sex, I just want to know why you were asking about it."

"Deven I think that qualifies as talking about dog sex."

"Mom, don't be a smarty pants.  Really, why are you talking about this?  Did someone propose having a dog sex night in the activity room?"

"They won't allow any event in the activity room that could stain the carpet."

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"If you must know, Tansy was telling us about her uncle that had an unnatural attachment to his poodle."

"Oh my God..."

"I thought she just meant he bought his poodle little dog dresses or maybe hats, but apparently he had..."

"Mom, that's okay, I get it."

"...what he called 'Poodle-Oodle-Noodle Time'...."

"Oh my God.  Okay, okay, I get it."

"...the 'noodle' was the dog's you know what..."

"Mom!  Really, I understand, you can quit..."

"...he said that the dog needed to relax at least once a week..."

"Mom, we're done with this conversation now."

"...we can't decide if it's illegal to do that."

"I think it is."

"How is that different from what bull breeders do?"

"I don't know.  Intent?"

"That must be what protects Canadians from going to jail for the moose shows.  They probably just say they're breeders."

"Mom, it's not Canad... you know what, never mind.  You're right, they must say they're breeders."

"Tansy did say her uncle's poodle was the sweetest thing.  I wonder if Poodle-Oodle-Noodle Time would work on Mrs. Dawson's Jack Daniels terrier.  That dog is high strung."

"I want to be there when you suggest that treatment to Mrs. Dawson.  Okay, are we done with this topic?"

"I don't know why you're asking me, you're the one that wanted to talk about it."

 


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Comments

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All I can say is..OMG.

I love how she treats it all as just her trying to be informed. hehe
"Intent" totally cracked me up. Oh, I love your mom, which is a good thing because your mom is what my mom will be in about 20 years. I only hope I have your patience.
I have no words. None. Which is approximately the response a friend of mine had after seeing a donkey show (because living in San Antonio put her closer to the donkey shows than the moose shows, I now understand).
In all the time, I've been reading posts on this site I have never and I mean NEVER felt so squeamish or laughed so hard.

Oh god! You can't imagine how much I adored this piece.
(I just might rate it)

Brilliant
Cracking up here. Why doesn't it surprise me that it was Tansy who started the whole discussion? Too funny.
Too too funny.

LOVE the graphic.

Poodle oodle noodle night. oh RIGHT.
Ok, Deven, THAT was hysterical! You had me at dog sex! Tell her we have pig shows in Arkansas and she's got front row tickets!...on second thought.....don't...she might want to come...
::wanders off for towel to clean her evening cocktail off the damn monitor::
What Kaysong said... OMG!
Moose shows! I'm dying here!
This was, without a doubt, the funniest thing I've read, perhaps in ever! I will never look at poodles the same way again . . . although I think one of the blue collar comedy guys talks about something like "Poodle-Oodle-Noodle Time" in his stand-up act.
There goes those wacky Canadians again with their moose shows.
Diggin' the hot red lunettes! Um...now about your interest in dog sex...xox
Next week you two should talk about furry fetishes. LOL :) I'd love to hear Tansy and Bob and the gang's opinion on THAT!
So....how was Fred Meyer? Get anything good?
Gads. Y poor Mother. She's adorable.
I though you were gonna talk about giraffes.
Nature sure has a strange good sense of humor.
We have a black poodle named Lu Lu.`So scruffy!
No one dares pet her. Sh rolls in dead groundhogs!
You reminded me of my daughters wedding Saturday.
I still need to wash blue jeans. My shirt- 3 Stinky dogs.
Ring-o' a Yellow Lab with burdock burrs and bite marks.
Bites are from shaking field groundhogs why hiss, scratch,
and Lilac's a small beagle. Lilic is the best mice and mole dog.
I usually don't post if the photos are too slow. This was hippo.
I wish we had hippos, giraffes, lions, alligators, and porcupines.
That would be a nice wedding. Crocodiles don't sip honey wines.
silly.
A high-strung "Jack Daniels terrier." I love it! I wish MY mom made as much sense as YOUR mom does. And how generous! offering to pay for the gas to Vancouver! Just think how wise she'd be if she had a computer to ask about stuff. (I think there's a movie -- maybe Clerks II? -- that has a donkey sex scene...well they don't actually SHOW it...big fun for movie night!)
I echo all the others. Oh.My.God. hee hee oh damn.
Whoops! I didn't mean to post and run. I was looking for the mailbox key. No good mail. Just a catalog of non-slip shoes. They all look like they were produced in Soviet Russia.

Did I mention that I had a root canal and I'm taking pain pills.

I want to go to a pig show now. Do they serve hotdogs.

Arthur! Arthur!

Loooook SHINY!
What MAWB said. Did you create that graphic or did you actually find a silhouette of a moose show?
heeheehheeheeee.. I so want to say I found it, but no, I made it.
Hot dogs! Here's a funny story for ya. My brother never ate hot dogs when he was little. When he reached adulthood he finally told us why: "When you bit into it, it looks like a cat's ass." Classic, no?! :)
I've read your tale of the poodle
And I must say, I felt a bit muddled.
By the time that I got to moose breeders,
I was fearful of leaving a puddle.

I love mom days. I know I say this every time you post a mom day post, but thanks for sharing your mom with us.
I wish my conversations with my mom were this enjoyable!
You are so funny. I love how your mind works!
Hilarious! Woke sleeping people up via guffaws! You're the best.
So glad I don't have these conversations with my mom...but sooooooo glad you do!!!
I'm never going to be able to look at a poodle the same way again.
If Mom wants to go to Tijuana, I'll take her to a donkey show. I could use the entertainmment.
poodle oodle noodle time...it's so gross I almost can't even write it. It just has this really gross smarmy obscene *ring* to it, doesn't it? It's like a rhyme that is lightly coated with slime.
oh god- I'm still breathless from laughing- that's just too wrong...
lawd, honey, you make me laugh!!

this ::
They won't allow any event in the activity room that could stain the carpet.

for some reason, this is perhaps the funniest part of the whole thing to me.
::laughing helplessly::
Caesars Palace in Juarez Mexico. Come see the Donkey show.

I was trying desperately to not picture a Moose show until the poodle came into the picture.
oh god, hilarious, as always. i LOVE this. i wrote two posts about meeting Denese and her husband here in portland -- so cool that you have fred meyer up there too -- and all the SEX the puppies and i had with them! sometimes it just seems right. please don't tell your mother. the feedback was that the posts were extremely funny. great great post and subject matter. love love love and gratitude!! and sorry that i don't get here very often. brain damage, mostly.
OMG -- I can see why you were traumatized...!
Growing up in San Diego, I heard about Donkey Shows in Tijuana long before I learned anything about group sex, orgies, homosexuality, or anything other than the married missionary position. Twisted, huh?

I never discussed it with my mother. I didn't learn anything from her about sex at all, except perhaps that it could be noisy if you were sleeping in the next room. So you two have a way more intimate relationship, and much funner & funnier than ours ever was.
If this comes from pain pills then get some in the mail to me now, PLEASE! You are so good it never ceases to amaze.
Moose shows, hmm, I wouldn't put anything past those Canadians! All that health care probably gives them a high sex drive so, in desperation, they must do what they must do at times.
LOVE the wedding photo with Sally, who is looking at the camera so well!
Gah. Just ... gah ....
I adore your mom. I just absolutely adore your mom.
Ok, you got an ad running that's "poodle secrets" ....... OMG, again!
Ahem, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not a poodle. (At least I don't think I am. Freaky?)
Oh, my. Oh oh my. My my.
I am sensing a new business opportunity here...
Reading the comments just now I was disturbed to realize there really are "donkey shows." I did not know that. I don't think I really needed to know that. Now that I know that how am I going to get that out of my head. Ugh. Ewww. No. No no no.
I knew this was going to the dogs as soon as your mom asked the first question.
'Poodle-Oodle-Noodle Time'. Brilliant name! I wonder if they have moose shows in Wasilla...
With our health care, we can risk things like moose shows, cuz we'll get stitched up afterwards.
I don't know about moose, but i reckon there might be some beaver shows in Canada.

(I. am. so. sorry. I just couldn't resist that remark.)
Oh. My. God. I am sitting here at work, laughing so hard I'm crying. Thank you, Deven, you and your family are a gift.
It's a good thing there wasn't a cockapoo involved. THAT would have been even more ugly....
"They won't allow any event in the activity room that could stain the carpet."

thank god for boundaries.
Your mom's great and so are you!
I'm sure "Swiffer pads" must be a euphemism of some sort. Loved the post. HB
I've been reading for several months, but this column made me sign up so I could comment. All I can think of when I hear "poodle oodle noodle night" is a Dr. Seuss story (X-rated, apparently!). Love your Mom day stories. She (and the other seniors) sure is a hoot!
Thank you guys for all the comments. I haven't been around tonight because Freaky Troll is involved in some kind of conspiracy theory. She's demanding all my time to find out if she's dead... which is sort of hard since she has no organs.

thebeatgoeson, your comment was so nice. You made my night. Thank you.
Can't . . . stop . . . laughing . . . tears everywhere . . . oh, too funny . . . gotta share this with more people . . . wait, I know, recommend T&D on my Facebook status . . . tee hee heeeeeeee . . . oh, gee . . . *gasp* . . . oh dear, mustn't stain carpet, it's not allowed . . . Deven, you & your mom are a national treasure . . . do you think we could charge admission to a pig show? Gotta stop laughing, the neighbors are gonna hear me and call the ambulance . . . hahahahahahohoheeheehee . . .
Cringing and laughing. BTW, the neighbors next door own 40 miniature donkeys and have traveled to Canada to buy them. Now my mind is reeling.

Read comment from Steve Blevins and am envisioning the possibilities of a conversation between his mom, your mom, and Tansy.
I will never be able to look at another poodle again with out thinking of the fun time of poodle noodle oogle or was it poodle oogle noodle or does it matter? Toooooooooo Funny.
If this has already been said in the comments, my apologies ... but ... I don't think I can ever again eat "oodles-of-noodles" with a straight face.
I'm with OMG! I could not imagine such a conversation with my mother.
I hears they have moose shows in Alaska as well.

Insert Palin joke here.
You obviously stole this from Readers Digest.
Ha! This is just like my mom. The other day she told me she wanted to know the dirty version of the Man from Nantucket. Sweet merciful Jesus, why?!
You now have an obligation to us all to find out!