Deven McKay

Deven McKay
Seattle, Washington,
July 01
I've changed a lot in the last five years, some good, some bad, some things are just different. I'm trying to find a way back to me, but I'm pretty sure that my GPS has dementia.


Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 13, 2009 6:31PM

Why I've been scarce

Rate: 66 Flag
Doctor Stevens:  "Deven I'm going to write two orders for your mother.  She needs her regular blood work check done, so here's the information you need to present when you take her to that clinic.  I'm going to send her for an x-ray of her left knee to check if there's been any significant deterioration since last year.  And since she's going to be there anyway, I'm going to put in an order for them to x-ray her right shoulder."

Me:  "What?!"

Mom: ::gesturing wildly behind doctor's back::  "You know, my right shoulder.  The one that's been bothering me."

Doctor Stevens:  "I'm just a little concerned since she can't remember injuring it in any way."

Me:  "What?!"

Mom:  ::rolling eyes and sticking out tongue behind doctor's back:: "Remember I've been telling you about it for weeks now."

Me:  "Mother..."

Mom:  "Yes, you know, we'll go get it x-rayed at that clinic where no one knows us.  Just write that up Doctor Stevens and we'll go right over there."

Me:  "Mother..."

Doctor Stevens:  "Is there a problem Deven?"

Mom:  ::flailing behind doctor's back, tipping over walker::

Me:  "Not if you're fine with insurance fraud."

Mom:  "Ugh!  Don't pay any attention to her Doctor.  She doesn't think straight when she hasn't had her roots done in awhile."

Me:  "It's my right shoulder that's been giving me mysterious trouble.  I'm having to wait for all of our insurance stuff to catch up in Cobra before I can go get it checked out."

Doctor Stevens:  "Is this true Betty?"

Mom:  "Okay, fine.  Yes, it's her arm.  Blame a mother for caring."

Doctor Stevens:  "You need to check with your doctor about that."

Me:  "I'm aware of that but I don't want to get in a tangle of reimbursement doctors visits and x-ray costs.  I can wait a couple more weeks."

Mom:  "She thinks it's something to do with her Milk of Magnesia."

Me:  "That's fibromyalgia.  And yes, that could have something to do with it."

Mom:  "...or Corporal Tunnel Disease."

Me:  "That's carpal tunnel.  Mom, I know you know the names of these disorders, why do you insist on saying them wrong?"

Mom:  "I read somewhere that to say their name gives them power."

Me:  "That's demons, Mom.  I'm blaming Meat Loft for your new paranormal interests."

Mom:  "Those things are close enough to demons to count."

Doctor Stevens:  "I agree with your mother about that."

Me:  "Et tu Doctor."

Doctor Stevens:  "I found that it's easier to agree with your mother about things."

Mom:  "That's because you're smart.  Now write up that order."

Doctor Stevens:  "Now Betty, I can't do that.  It would be insurance fraud.  I am going to write up for you to get the x-ray of your knee."

Mom:  "Deven can just throw her arm in the the picture when they do that."

Doctor Stevens:  "I don't think that's going to work Betty."

Mom:  "Just why can't they do that?  There's room on the x-ray if she lays her arm next to my leg."

Doctor Stevens:  "......"

Me:  "Let the doc off the hook Mom.  He can't do it."

Mom:  "Okay, but I'm not happy."

Doctor Stevens:  "I'm sorry Betty.  Tell you what, to make up for it, let me give you some pens the pharmaceutical rep' left.  I know you like those."

Mom:  "Ohhhhh... thank you!"

Me:  "You just gave her a fist full of Levitra pens!"

Doctor Stevens:  "That should be a hit at the movie club."

Me:  "You know about the movie club?"

Doctor Stevens:  "Your mother believes in full disclosure."

Me:  "You poor man."


So, that's why I haven't been around much.  My stupid arm hurts all the time.  I figured it was best to lay low for awhile.  Otherwise all the comments I'd leave on your lovely posts would be "Yeah, yeah, whatever.  My arm is killing me."  Thanks for your patience.

Not how I injured my arm

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First! Feel better! xoxo
hope it get's OK soon!
Aw! So sorry, dear, but I AM relieved that you AND Mom will be staying out of insurance fraud prision. Take care of yourself and your arm and your Milk of Magnesia.
I still don't see why you couldn't have thrown your arm under the x-ray at the last moment...your mother is starting to make sense...I think I need an aspirin. Do you have fibromyalgia?
Ahhh, your mother is the highlight of my day. Take care of your arm! We need you!
Ouch. Feel better soon.
Well, I am sorry your arm hurts. That sucks. I send the best wishes your way in the world.

And hah! I love that your mother tried to do that for you. I mean, what does it matter? It's only a little insurance fraud.
Oh bummer, T! Tore my rotator cuff some years back and it keeps rearing it's ugly head. Opted out of the wurgery, let it heal on it's own but if I do too much heavy stuff with right arm, it reminds me of my utter wasting away of my strength and youth. Shite! Glad you're back and hope you and mom do better soon!
Of course you're in pain! You're so funny it hurts. Seriously.

I'm wondering if it might be bursitis? When i was a kid, my mother had it chronically in her shoulder and it's apparently insanely painful. I think they've got better treatment for it now -- maybe just some NSAIDS or something like that??

apologies for this unsolicited medical thoughtage. If it helps, just pretend I wrote about having "burst tightass" instead.
That sucks Deven.
Hope you feel better soon--I love your posts!
Your mother's a clever old broad.
Hysterical. I love this.
I've missed you and your mom and hope you get the insurance thing resolved and are back in action soon.
Thanks guys. I didn't want to put up a big pity party post, but I've had several people mail me wondering what was up.

Actually any hints about what this might be is helpful. It's a weird stupid pain. Not actually in my shoulder, but near the top of my arm. Then I think that because of the pain, I start holding my arm and neck stiffly and it cascades into some kind of full on pain party on my right side. Then I get grumpy and drink blueberry wine.
As I learned when the Younger got Staph in her armpit, there's Lots of stuff up in the upper arm/armpit area - nerves that lead to other nerves, reflected/refracted pain being transmitted back into that area from other areas. If I suggested anything, it would be a sling, for when it hurts most; ibuprofen of your antiinflamm of choice; experimenting with heat and ice.

most of all, hope your COBRA catches up soon.

Oh, yeah, and there's always Patrón. Reposado.
I am so sorry your Cobra is causing you problems. It sucks.
Good luck to you (and your mother)...feel better soon
Hope your arm gets feeling better!!!!
Oh crap, I can relate to THAT pain! A while back I woke up one day a shoulder pain so bad I couldn't even drive unless I held my right arm above my head. I was desperate and had a chiropractor practically break my neck. I swapped services to a mysterious massage madame. All to no avail. I was crippled. My Momma who is a RN said it was "mouse syndrome" from too much 'puter time. After a month or so it went away as quickly as it appeared. I realize I was lucky; never been more miserable in my life.
Hope yours somehow leaves you miraculously too Deven.

Gotta love how your Mom thinks :^)
Be good to yourself and let your mom think she's helping because that's what mom's need to do. Sorry you have to be one more statistic in the health care wars!
Deven, my arm hurts, too! I tore a muscle in my rotator cuff. Doing YOGA. You try to do something for your health, and see what happens? I'm all for insurance fraud, by way.
Sounds like something my mom would have done....except there would have been pain pills somewhere. I hope you find out what it is soon. Stupid Cobra!
Bless you mother's crooked little heart! I did some damage years ago when I was athletic, and when it flares . . . damn. However, I also have what I call "mobile tendonitis" which seems come and go, at will, in any joint in my body. Advil and ice, which seems to help the inflammation. I recommend Patron or Cuervo before the ice, however.
You look about 10 years old in that pic at the bottom - cuter than Freaky, even.

"I read somewhere that to say their name gives them power." I think your mom is right about that. So I won't say anything at all about the s-thing h-thinging. But I hope it feels better soon.
Hope things get better soon, insurance and pain wise.
I just can't help myself - I love playing detective doctor. Ok, so does it hurt at just the point where your arm and your shoulder meet? Sort of like if you push there it's more than an ache? You might have separated your shoulder. It takes several weeks to go away, aches vaguely (meaning you can't tell where exactly it hurts). I usually take 800 mg of ibuprofen with a shot of whatever (the shot works immediately, while the ibuprofen takes 20-30 min). 800 mg of ibuprofen is = Rx Motrin.
Hope your pain eases. Hugs.

Rated. :D
Wow Deven, I am sending my strongest healing x-ray eye stares in a southerly direction for your benefit.
My Dad used to commit insurance fraud so I could get the allergy pills I needed. If I had to pay out of packet they were $90 a month, for him they were less than $10. Then he died and my mother couldn't do it because that would be "lying." Wheeze, achoo, thanks mommie dearest.

I think your mom had a good idea, but with joints most of the time xrays are worthless, it's straight to the MRI. In the meantime, one of my favorite columns is called The People Pharmacy, lots of interesting stuff in there. Recently they talked about the amazing results many people with joint problems are having with Pectin. You can buy in all over and it's not expensive, look it up on their webs site for dosage. Maybe it'll help. I'd send you a cake to help you feel better but I'm afraid of what might happen to it...

Missed you.
Thought I'd do that to see how it made me feel. I am inexplicably unmoved. Feel better, insurance issues and medical bills suck big green donkey dicks. Just saying.
I missed you and your mom, too. Hope the cobra stuff gets sorted out and your arm feels better soon.
Here's the thing. Even when you're not here? You're here.
I have been having shoulder pain for the last three years. The diagnosis du jour is bursitis and as a bonus, I also can predict weather!

Hope you get some answers soon :)
Aw, sorry to hear about this. I've had my run-ins with carpal tunnel, too. The upper arm thing is strange tho.
I fucked up my rotator cuff at the gym. Flabby arms seem to hurt me at every turn. Seeing them, and then trying to get rid of them. The painful injury ruined me taking the board out in the ocean AND in the gym. (Who knew?)

The thing that initially sent me to the doc was horrific pain in my hand. It seems the "compensation" fucked up use of my left hand. HALF of my typing team was sidelined!

I applied Jimador tequila, liberally, and still continue with prophylatic doses, cuz you never know.

Rated, cookie, for having you back.
Hope you feel better.
Your mother makes better sense than a lot of insurance companies. Oops, maybe I shouldn't have written that out loud. Sorry your arm hurts--bad thing not to be able to use without pain.

But insurance fraud can really ruin a person's day.
Who thought COBRA was a good acronym for something that is supposed to be related to maintaining good health? It sounds like it is biting the shoulder. My favorite remedy for a right-arm ache is half a bottle of a good shiraz. If my left arm acts up, I go with half a bottle of good Reisling.
I have soooooo been there. Sorry about your shoulder. Maybe if you tried a little voodoo on a troll?
Bummer. I'm not much help. I get mysterious pains in my shoulders/neck too but they usually go away after a day or two.

Good luck with figuring it out.
I love your mom! She's got your back. I hope you feel better soon.
Great photo! If you're gonna have an injured arm, it might as well be from hoisting some Red Hook!!!
I want to say hilarious but not to the point of detracting from your mysterious and painful situation. Get well soon.
So funny Deven, so funny. Almost makes the arm thing incidental (to me!). I love the picture of the arm next to the leg xray. Brilliant. Someone like you needs BOTH arms! I'm sending this to my sisters Down Under. We have a mum just like yours.
I do like your posts so much. you must get better quickly. I have the carpal so I know of it's miserable power. Do you have one of those glove contraptions that hold your hand in the correct position so you don't aggravate it? They help.

Feel better and come back.

PS. your mom is so adorably dotty.
Hilarious. Plus, creative. Damned insurance companies - I hope the CEO's all have to go to Bryman College for job retraining. AHC
ow ow ow, hope you find some relief soon Deven!
Kathleen hurt her back in February and it's still slowly getting better. Take care of yourself!
I enjoy your post when you are mentioning Ya mommy.
When you have many-many photos I get very cranky.
Cranky because someone looks like a cute poodle.
But my computer downloads slow as a turtle.
You Mother seems present in the world.
That's adorable. Adorably. Love her.
If my mommy was here I rub her shoulder. I'd put mayonnaise in her daughters pockets. I'd doodle on her associates arm, shoulders, legs, thighs, rosy facial cheeks, neck, ears, forehead, and manicure her toes.
I'd poke the doctors on the noggin with a bristled end broomstick. On some ducks who quack at the ship docks? I'd use a wet ship mop.

The local obstetricians in the rural boondocks are taking new job courses. After foreclosures, Treasury Secretary bailouts to super mega-banks CEOs:`J.P. Morgan, City Bank, chase pit-poodle-thug bulldog Bankers ... Ya know? O, Gitner?

Hicks around the countryside are calling troll-free. huh?
1-800-vocational-training for happiness! Taxidermy jobs!
People are getting fed up and love real people, O Mommy!
The Treasury Secretary was n my mind. I'll never shake a sleazey thief hand again.
He sneeze on paw.
Geitner has a dirty paw.
He loves crooked banks.
Treasury secretaries shake hands with red ketchup on their paws. For Halloween the cabinet members should be vampires. Barack Obama's cabinet members seem to thinks its still April's Fools Day.
Poor Michelle (Abigail) Obama. Maybe your sweet Mother can go back to medical school and become a honest lawyer? Bless You too.

Maybe join the SPA and swim? Become a Gold Medal Olympic winner? Oops! Don't do what I did. Old Timers disorder? I woke up and said:`No No No Not. No dare turn a computer contraption on!

I disco in bed?
No. I disobeyed.
I burn breakfast!
Hulled barley, amaranth, and poppy seeds are burnt to a crisp. No type on blogs and cook cereal. I was gonna say:`Free pens are one thing that make patients happy! I have a Creamy Farmstead Cheese pen with a keychain hook on it! I love it! It's a 3- inch pen. Cheese! I hope this day is rainy. It is. It's gonna be another wild rainy day in Washington DC!

I wish I was in Washington state?
I know we people are invited for tea?
If I ever come to your state of Hospitality?
I used to have a Uncle Tom who lived here.
Bainbridge Island. (spiel right?) He was FBI.
I loved Uncle Tom. He always filled with tears.
All I was intending to think:`Love Ya Mommies.
You may very well have hyperextended your shoulder while smacking Benkitty in the back of the head.

Seriously, your mom is divine as are you. My left shoulder pains me on occasion, but it isn't anything that stops me from doing what I need to do. I usually just have to press it while rotating my arm around, and it will make some lovely noises like a garbage disposal and then feel fine until next time.
Since we're talking about YOUR shoulder and not mine, please make sure you get thee to a shaman as soon as you are able to. If necessary, I will send Freaky's cousin Vinnie Troll to go talk to the COBRA people.
Have you tried Acupuncture? This is just the sort of thing it works well for. Feel better!
Best of luck! Both with the shoulder and managing your mother's health visits.
funny and sorry. i have been under the weather,too, in more ways than one.
Love this post!! Sorry about your shoulder, but you just got to love these MD visits with "Mom".
Feel better soon, Girlie! You are much missed! You have been so busy caring for others, but don't forget to take care of yourself! Sending you good energy! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
Did someone say ROTATOR CUFF???? There isn't enough cake in the world to stop me from telling my war stories. Okay, never mind, except this advice: get it fixed soon if you can, the longer you wait the worse the recovery. And remember Freaky's remedy: Chocolate Demerol.
If you haven't already tried it, I strongly second the suggestion of trying Motrin/ibuprofen or else its cousin naproxen/naprosyn -- both are wonder drugs IMO. Be sure to take either with milk or food. Take a full dose (usually 2 OTC pills every 4-8 hours) or even a bit more (up to 50% more should be fine) if no result. Do that for at least 48 hours while not to using your painful arm/shoulder except when absolutely necessary for basic life stuff (so no using the computer). You could also experiment with icing the area for 20 mins every few hours.

I still think bursitis is likely. Google it and see the self-help remedies (basically NSAIDS, rest and icing per above). If those don't work, a cortisone shot in the area may, but I'd do that as a last resort.
hope the pain and insurance are a thang of the past...real soon.
to say their names gives them power...

hoo boy.