Deven McKay

Deven McKay
Seattle, Washington,
July 01
I've changed a lot in the last five years, some good, some bad, some things are just different. I'm trying to find a way back to me, but I'm pretty sure that my GPS has dementia.


JANUARY 23, 2010 4:28PM

My Favorite Metal Is Canadian Steel

Rate: 45 Flag

[This is a meta post.  For more information about what's going on CLICK HERE. For future reference, my blog will never be where to find out what's going on.]

"Hello this is your daughter."

"Hello this is your mother."



"...okay, I'll go first.  Why you calling Mom?"

"I'm calling you back!  I was waiting for you to tell me why."

"Oh, oh, I forgot.  I was calling to see if you wanted to write something for the diary people.  They have a project going."

"What is it?"

"It's about metals.  What's your favorite metal?"

"I bet you think I don't have one, but I do."

"Actually I'm surprised you had an answer that quick."

"Yes.  It was when I was nine years old.  There was this hopscotch tournament and I was pitted against Mary Margaret McMillstern, we called her Mary Margaret Milktoast behind her back.  She thought she was so special because they owned a prewar Plymouth and her mother let her wear her Sunday shoes to school.  It was those shoes that got her in trouble with the contest..."

"... wait, wait, Mom I said metal, not medal.  Metal, with a T."

"Oh.  I was talking about the cute little medal I won.  I wish I still had it but I donated it to the war foil drive.  I guess that could be considered metal too.  Why in the world would the diary people be writing about metal?"

"It's just a creative writing exercise."

"Write about metal?  That's an exercise?  Why not write about your favorite flower?"

"I'm supposing because she didn't want to plow through a bunch of mess that started off 'My love is like a red, red rose.'"

"That's lovely, you should finish writing that."

"I think someone already did back in the 1700s.  Besides, mine would read 'My love is like a red, red rose.  Until I realized it was just a bloody nose.'"

"That's my daughter, always the romantic.  Who is this she that's asking for the writing?"

"The Cat Woman.  You like her.  She's the one that did that post about the cabin."

"Oh yes, the one about the skeptic tank.  Wait, isn't she the lady that writes that Canadian car column for a living?"

"Yes, her."

"Oh Deven, you're so naive.  No wonder she's asking for people to write about metal.  She's bound to be working for Canada Steel.  She's hoping everyone will write about steel."

"Mom, she doesn't work for Canada Steel."

"::sigh:: Really, get with it Deven.  That's how things are done these days.  All sneaky.  I bet she's about to announce a new line of Canadian cars."

"Really, Mom, that's not what this is about..."

"You don't know that for sure."

"I'm pretty sure I know that for sure."

"...::tsk:: So naive.  I wonder what the cars are going to be?  What side of the road do Canadians drive on?"

"The same side of the road we do."

"I wonder if the Canadian cars are going to be available in automatic drive?  I could never drive a manual one.  Did I ever tell you about the time your daddy tried to teach me to drive a manual?"

"No...oh wait, I think you did.  It didn't end well, did it?"

"No, not at all.  He took my picture out of his wallet and threw it out of the window."

"HA!  I bet you didn't like that."

"No, I was in tears.  When he got out to pick up it, I tried to run over him."


"Oh pffftttt... don't worry, I couldn't get it in gear.  The car just died.  I wonder what the Canadian cars are going to be like.  I have a couple of ideas you can pass along to the cat woman."

"Oh goodie."

"I like the idea of a working car that you could haul stuff in and put a topper on so you could go camping.  Maybe make it one of those cars you can drive off the road.  They could call it The Beaver."

"Ah...I see a marketing problem Mom."


"Oh, nothing, nothing."

"When you say 'nothing, nothing' that means it's about sex.  What would be the problem with The Beaver?"


"It's a working car named after their national animal.  Oh wait, is the moose their national animal?  Anyway I know that Canadians like beavers, so why not call a car The Beaver?  ...Ohhhhh, wait, I get it.  I forgot that was the slang word for a lady's tuffet.  Shoot.  I'll have to think of something else."

"Lady tuffet?"

"Yes.  That's where Miss Muffet sat.  On her lady tuffet."

"Only if she was double jointed."

"How about a car called The Frenchie?  It could be a car that wants to keep driving out of Canada."

"I'll ask."

"Or The Queen.  A cute little car that's not really good for much but you could drive it to special events.  Wait, don't tell her that, she might get arrested for treason."

"I think that Canadians can poke gentle fun at the Queen."

"She shouldn't risk it.  The cat woman must be struggling if she's taking a sneaky job with Canada Steel.  She shouldn't court trouble."

"So do you want to write a metal post then?"

"Didn't we just do that?"

"We did?"

"Yes.  You can title it 'My Favorite Metal Is Canadian Steel.'  That way maybe the cat woman will get a bonus."

"Okay, consider it done."

Introducing the 2011 Canadian Beaver

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That will cost you extra. No kissing.

It's good to know that I'm not the only one with serious suspicions about that Cat Starver.

(thumbified because mom delivers The Beaver)
Sillicious (a word I just coined for you from silly and delicious).
I bet Mom courts trouble for a living. Hilarious.
You'll need a special license before you can drive that beaver.
"So I got me this Beaver, eh, and I'ma gonna go up to the North for a while and do some fishing, eh".

"Don't forget the Molsons and a bag of milk."

See I know a few things aboot Canada.
hehe. Funny, funny stuff.
those beavers are just unstoppable.
Hmmmmm. Canadian Steel meets The Beaver. I ... I ... I don't think I want to go any further with this.
So THAT'S what a tuffet is!
I'm very sad that your mothers hop-scotch metal was made of foil.........although I did just run out of papers. No, that's over at JK's party....sorry.

Love the car, LOVE love love the name! Does it run on beer?
Hilarious. And I'm buying one of those Beavers. That's a mean looking ride.
Funny, I've had those same suspicions about Cat. I totally think she's on to something with The Beaver, she better get a patent STAT!

I wonder what that would be down here? Prolly comes with bitches and ol' ladies.
Devan, this was hysterical!!
What side of the road do Canadians drive on?"
the best laugh I've had all day. thanks for that
I can't stop laughing long enough to type anything coherent- rated!
Oh Geeze! You've done it all over again Deven. I bet I am going to be seeing Beavers from British Columbia all lined up at the Costco parking lot in Bellingham.
I saw this show. It was called Leave It To Deven.
It's so seldom I laugh out loud at anything I read--anywhere. But this did it for me. Incredible, Deven. Freakin' funny! (Not funny like Freaky, understand--that's a whole nother thing). Rated for "lady tuffet." D
Rated, even though you interrupted your Mom and denied me closure regarding that Mary Margaret Milktoast hopscotch story.

Next time you talk to your Mom, ask about Mary.

And I wish she'd kept that medal. I've never before seen a hopscotch medal. Sounds like the sort of thing that would be a big hit with the Diary Room people.

This was all kinds of funny.
Oh, god! Thank you for the laugh. Beaver... Tuffet... The Queen... heheheheeeee!
I'm relieved I find your mom so hilarious, because she's my future. If this had been your mom and dad golfing, I'd have been her with the golf cart. 'Threw it out of the window'...laughed so loud, Tom came scurrying in to see and I yelled at him to get out, GET OUT!

Is it possible we're the ones who didn't really know what a tuffet is?
That was awesome!

I'm going to start calling it a lady tuffet.
That'll teach me not to check my in box. Thanks for the comments. I'm not comfortable about the "tuffet"... sitting on mine seems like an unobtainable goal.
Another home run for Devon. Make sure your mom understands that we have electricity up here too.

Your description of The Frenchie is absolutely perfect. The only problem is that they have all the hydro electricity in North America... so it would have to be an electric car.
Do you think we can buy just the hood ornament? I'd put one on my Neon!
just getting caught up on your postings... this was a particularly subtly hilarious romp to read. Thank you and rated.
This is really good . . . sounds like your mom is catching on to how these posts are created . . . And I'll take one of those Beavers . . .
Well now, what's mom going to say about the fact her post was a winner? It was all her, you know, all her.

Going to start saving for a Beaver, we're taking the family on a cross country road trip in April and it looks like th perfect ride!
oh lordy. funny stuff!