Mom: Come in, it's open.
Me: Hi, how's it going?
Mom: What's so great about Betty White?
Mom: What's so great about Betty White? Why is everybody talking about her all the time?
Me: Oh. She hosted "Saturday Night Live" a few weeks ago.
Me: Well, she's beloved.
Me: What? People love her because she's a hip, funny old lady.
Mom: I've got news for you, there are a lot of hip, funny old ladies around.
Me: You're jealous.
Mom: Don't be foolish. Her nose is huge.
Me: You're jealous.
Mom: Am not. She looks like a gnome in lipstick.
Mom: Hush up and grab the Twinkies. We're going to be late.
Thelma: That's it? That's our snack? What's the point?
Me: You don't like Twinkies?
Mom: It was Deven's idea to have the Twinkies for this movie, don't blame me Thelma. If I had to pick something special, it would have been a Moon Pie.
Thelma: What the hell is a Moon Pie?
Mom: It's a snack cake that's flat and tastes like banana with cream in the middle.
Me: That's not a Moon Pie Mom. That's a... ah... I forget, something like a Banana Flip. We use to get them at the day old bread store.
Tansy: We can't have banana splits in the activity room any more, not since Judith put the can of hot fudge in the microwave.
Louise: I brought the Shasta soda. Betty you were right, they had it at the discount grocery store.
Thelma: Well Twinkies and Shasta. Aren't we living high off the hog?
Louise: Rated R for gore. Tansy, try not to get too excited.
Tansy: Are things going to blow up? I love blowing up things.
Thelma: Betty's daughter, do things blow up?
Me: I hate to admit it, but I don't remember if there's a big blow up scene or not. There's lots of smashing things.
Tansy: Smashing is good, not as good as blowing things up, but still good.
Louise: Oh look. He's eating him.
Mom: He doesn't look like a Twinkie Deven. Why did you think Twinkies would be a good snack? Jelly roll maybe...
Thelma: "The first ones to go are the fatties." Well just eat me then. I'm not going to do Yoga with Sue on Thursdays. That woman is a nut case. No one wants to see a seventy year old woman in a unitard.
Mom: She's a hot granny mess.
Me: Wha-what, what did you say?
Mom: Sue's a mess.
Me: No, what did you exactly say?
Mom: She's a hot granny mess. And she is. After her class her wig looks like a wet cat on her head.
Me: Where did you hear that expression?
Mom: I don't know, TMZ. Or maybe that sweet Niecy Nash. I watch that show where she cleans up people's houses and then gives them a tv. Oh wait, I think that poofy boy with the tacky house show said it once. I like him. He looks like that sad eye doggie painting of mine. I missed it, what was the next rule?
Louise: Be afraid of public bathrooms. I'm already afraid of public bathrooms.
Thelma: That's just good common sense. Anyone that needs a zombie invasion to come up with that rule is a fool.
Mom: OH! OH! It's that guy! That guy! Is that ugly girl going to be in the movie too? I can't wait! I love that ugly girl.
Me: Calm down Mom, Juliette Lewis isn't in this movie.
Mom: Drat. We should watch that other movie. I think the ladies would like it.
Me: I'm not sure if I could deal with everyone watching "Natural Born Killers" Mom.
Mom: Why? That girl is just so ugly. You can't look away from her.
Louise: Put that on the list Deven.
Me: I don't want to.
Thelma: Do it!
Mom: You know you can peel the marshmallow stuff off of the Sno Ball. But then you're just left with a round Devil Dog.
Thelma: That's why we have Twinkies? Because this man is willing to risk being killed to eat one? He can have mine.
Tansy: It might be fun to be a zombie. I wonder if you know you're a zombie, or if you just think you're having a bad day.
Louise: Bill Murray, that name sounds familiar.
Thelma: Oh I know him. He's that man that was in that movie I couldn't stand. My husband loved that movie. Something about a golf course.
Me: "Caddyshack." My husband loves that movie too. I'm not terribly found of it. Though I liked the dancing gopher.
Thelma: The gopher wins, doesn't he?
Me: That's the way I remember the movie.
Tansy: Nothing has blown up yet. Are they going to blow up something soon?
Me: Miss Tansy, I'm not sure.
Tansy: ::sigh:: Well at least there's a lot of killing.
Mom: I'm bored. I don't like any of these people so much.
Tansy: They're at the amusement park. Nothing good happens at amusement parks in movies. Maybe this is where the ferris wheel blows up.
Thelma: Oh, Tansy's right. All the zombies are coming.
Louise: There's a lot of talking for zombie movie, isn't there?
Tansy: They're stuck up there now. Do you think they'll blow up the tower?
Me: I don't think so. They'll kill a lot of zombies though.
Tansy: They're already dead. That's not exciting.
Mom: Oh the goofy boy got them down. People don't seem to be overly worried about the zombies, do they?
Thelma: That's it? What was the point in this movie?
Me: I liked it.
Thelma: That's not a high recommendation.
Me: No, I thought it was weirdly sweet.
Thelma: ::snort:: So are Twinkies, and I didn't want them either.
Louise: I know you meant well Deven, but I don't think we want any more movies that are based on snack cakes.
Mom: Unless it's something with Devil Dogs.
Me: I think there might be a movie named "Devil Dogs."
Tansy: See if you can find a movie named "Pecan Pie."
Thelma: So it's settled. Next movie Betty's daughter is bringing pecan pie.
Me: How did that happen?
Thelma: Nut up or shut up.