"You know all the food in here is nonsense."

"Mom, it's just food."

"HA! I don't think so. I don't know what half of this stuff is. I wouldn't know whether to eat it or bathe with it."

"That could get interesting."

"Don't get smart. Ewwww!… Read full post »

Canadian Moose Show

 

::knock knock::

"Come on in, it's open."

"Hi Mom."

"Have you ever heard of people having sex with a dog?"

"......... .......... .................... ............... ............ ................. ....................... ...................................... ........../… Read full post »

I've become fairly good at predicting how Mom Day is going to go by taking note of what wig my my mom is wearing. If she's wearing the kicky wig, she's going to be in a fine mood, but she will be getting lost. If she's in the flat wig, someone… Read full post »

[ring]

"Mom, I'm about ten minutes away.  I'm just calling you in case you needed to put your hair on."

"I have my hair on!  You think I sit around with no hair on?"

"Well, I just thought there might be times when you didn't have your hair on."

"What kind… Read full post »

 

(sign in the games room)

[ring]

"Is that doctor friend of yours still a lesbian?"

"...ah.. yes.  What are you talking about Mom?"

"I was just wondering.  We're bored here.  They're having a movie marathon in the games room.  Everyone is bringing tapes and DVDs."

"Ho… Read full post »

 

“Hello, this is your daughter.”

“Hello, this is your mother.  I’m about to go to the activity room to watch that movie you got us, The Crying something.”

“That’s good.  Saturday is unusual for you guys to watch a movie.  I thought it… Read full post »

Mom called and started off, "Well I hope you're happy." I told her I kind of was. She snorted. I reminded her that she didn't want a President McCain. She told me that was true, but she didn't want Obama to win either. I asked her who she wanted me to… Read full post »

I really have no intention of my blog becoming a regular tirade against shopping, but DAMN IT! I'll keep it brief.

I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I was just going to wear one of my old dresses, though they're now a bit big on me and sort… Read full post »

 

My Mom is a Republican. She is not voting for McCain. She is not voting for Obama. She's not voting for the first time in decades. She's disgusted with McCain because of Palin. She thinks that McCain is too old. She is disgusted with Obama… Read full post »

(The below rant is that of a cranky middle aged woman of questionable taste. Please do not be offended if you or a loved one have made any or all of the below fashion choices. Obviously Deven is suffering from severely swollen ankles from doing back to back wedding gigs this… Read full post »

[The last half of this story is semi-crude.  I'm aware it's semi-crude.  I'm telling you so if you wish, you can skip right to the end bit.  I checked, and Mom is fine with me telling this story.]

 

 

[whispering]

Me:  “Grandma wants to sit in the back… Read full post »

"Before we go, I want you to sit down and write out a letter.  I want you to post it on the computer."

"Well this is always interesting..."

"Yes, the ladies want to write a letter to Meat Loaf Aday."

"Oh/…

Read full post »

My close friend in England sent me this link. The English speaking version is running on television there. She said she was shocked. Before I watched it, I was thinking, gee, how bad could this possibly be? I'll admit to you, my jaw dropped. It's so… Read full post »

(This is a really long post!  Go to the bathroom and get something to drink before attempting to read this mess!  I don't know what's wrong with me lately.  I can't seem to edit!  I'm also using lots of !, which I never use to do!)

 

 

Thanks to… Read full post »

[ring]

"Hi Mom."

"I still don't like that."

"Like what?"

"You answering knowing it's me."

"Caller I.D. Mom."

"I know what it is.  I don't like it.  It's like everyone knowing what their baby is going to be.  Some things should be kept a surprise."

"You seem to like… Read full post »

 

"Mom, Bob's been messing with that dvd for about twenty minutes.  Do you think he needs help?"

"Oh lord, don't try to help him.  That would hurt his feelings.  He'll get it ready by the time the club starts.  Those butterfly cookies are pretty.  Did you find th… Read full post »

 

“So what’s up with the diary people?”

“I don’t know Mom, our internet connection has been down.”

“::gasp:: How long?”

“For a couple of weeks now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?  You could have come over and used/… Read full post »

(WARNING:  Save yourself, very long post ahead)

 

"I want to go to K-Mart."

"Why Mom?"

"It's part of my New Year's resolution."

"You made a resolution to go to K-Mart?  That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

"No, not a K-Mart specific… Read full post »

[ring]

“Hello, this is your mother.”

“Hi Mom, I’m about two blocks away.”

“Okay, I’m waiting.”

*****

[rattle rattle][knock knock]

“Mom, the door is locked”

“I know.  I’m coming.”

[unlock][door fling]

“TA… Read full post »

"Do you want to get out Mom?  I'm just picking up a prescription."

"No, no.  I'll just sit here and people watch."

***

"Oh Lord, you're pouting."

::sniff::

"You have no reason to be pouting at me."

::ahem::

"Ah, the silent treatment.  You know that's…

Read full post »