"Do you want to get out Mom?  I'm just picking up a prescription."

"No, no.  I'll just sit here and people watch."

***

"Oh Lord, you're pouting."

::sniff::

"You have no reason to be pouting at me."

::ahem::

"Ah, the silent treatment.  You know that's…

Read full post »

"You know all the food in here is nonsense."

"Mom, it's just food."

"HA! I don't think so. I don't know what half of this stuff is. I wouldn't know whether to eat it or bathe with it."

"That could get interesting."

"Don't get smart. Ewwww!… Read full post »

I've become fairly good at predicting how Mom Day is going to go by taking note of what wig my my mom is wearing. If she's wearing the kicky wig, she's going to be in a fine mood, but she will be getting lost. If she's in the flat wig, someone… Read full post »

[The last half of this story is semi-crude.  I'm aware it's semi-crude.  I'm telling you so if you wish, you can skip right to the end bit.  I checked, and Mom is fine with me telling this story.]

 

 

[whispering]

Me:  “Grandma wants to sit in the back… Read full post »

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

Everyone else in here looks like they’re going to church.  What’s the deal?  Oh, here comes a guy in fleece and flip flops.  I don’t understand why people’s toes don’t snap off wearing flip fl/… Read full post »

Canadian Moose Show

 

::knock knock::

"Come on in, it's open."

"Hi Mom."

"Have you ever heard of people having sex with a dog?"

"......... .......... .................... ............... ............ ................. ....................... ...................................... ........../… Read full post »

 

“So what’s up with the diary people?”

“I don’t know Mom, our internet connection has been down.”

“::gasp:: How long?”

“For a couple of weeks now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?  You could have come over and used/… Read full post »

"Well meh.  I enjoyed the music here, but not much else.  You didn't seem like you enjoyed it much either."

"Why do you say that?"

"Mom, during the preaching you spent fifteen minutes trying to quietly open a cough drop.  Then you folded your bulletin into a crane.  Then y/…

Read full post »

So yesterday I posted some bad poetry, and today I'm posting pictures of flowers.  Subconsciously, I might be trying to work up a good shunning from the community (or non-community, as the case may be).

I got a new camera.  A Sony Cyper-shot DSC-T77.  That's the last time I'll remember… Read full post »

(WARNING:  Save yourself, very long post ahead)

 

"I want to go to K-Mart."

"Why Mom?"

"It's part of my New Year's resolution."

"You made a resolution to go to K-Mart?  That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

"No, not a K-Mart specific… Read full post »

Me:  “Hello this is your daughter.”

Mom:  “Well you were wrong.”

Me:  “Did you make sure the water was boiling before you poured it in?”

Mom:  “Why would I pour boiling water on Channel 18?”

Me:  “Channel 18?&/… Read full post »

 

“Hello, this is your daughter.”

“Hello, this is your mother.  I’m about to go to the activity room to watch that movie you got us, The Crying something.”

“That’s good.  Saturday is unusual for you guys to watch a movie.  I thought it… Read full post »

 

"Mom, Bob's been messing with that dvd for about twenty minutes.  Do you think he needs help?"

"Oh lord, don't try to help him.  That would hurt his feelings.  He'll get it ready by the time the club starts.  Those butterfly cookies are pretty.  Did you find th… Read full post »

Manager Don:  “Deven, I’m glad I caught you.  Can you step into my office for a moment?”

Me:  “Oh God, what did she do now?”

Manager Don:  “No, nothing like that, I think.  Can you spare a few minutes?’

Me:  “Sure.&rdquo… Read full post »

"So they had someone named Julie from that huge church call me."

"Oh?"

"Yeah.  I told Julie what I thought all right!  I told her that I never felt so unwelcomed in a church before.  That they needed to be less worried about my walker staying behind a pole and more worried that… Read full post »

 

“Hello it’s your mother.”

“Hello it’s your daughter.  I’ve been trying to call you for the past hour.”

“Why?  What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Mom, I just wanted to ask you something for the Diary People… Read full post »

I admit it, I'm bored.  But I'm also lazy.  Bored and lazy is a hard combo to overcome.

I whipped out my list of topics, Mom notes, kid notes, woodpecker hate manifesto notes, with every intention of writing something.  Then I realized that would involved a lot of movement, what with… Read full post »

::knock knock::

“Come on in,  It’s open.”

“Hi Mom.”

“::gasp::”

“What?”

“Your hair!  What did you do to your hair?”

“ah… nothing.”

“Ho, ho, ho.  Yes you did.  Bend down.”

&ldqu… Read full post »

 

 

"Momma, c'mon, times a'wasting.  Grab yer shoppin' bags."

"......"

"We best git outta here before the rain commences."

"....."

"I don't know why you're standin' there lookin' at me like I was a singing bull, but let's git going."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Talkin' like wha/… Read full post »

[ring]

“Hello, this is your mother.”

“Hi Mom, I’m about two blocks away.”

“Okay, I’m waiting.”

*****

[rattle rattle][knock knock]

“Mom, the door is locked”

“I know.  I’m coming.”

[unlock][door fling]

“TA… Read full post »