Last year,

Sad and alone,

Because my marriage was ending,

I drove to a parking lot at the edge of town

To watch from a distance the city’s fireworks display.

I hadn’t watched any for years.

There were mosquitoes

And I wished that I were laying on a blanket on the ground

Watching them up close.

Next year,

I thought,

I will plan ahead and get myself to a fireworks display,

Lay on the ground and

Watch them up close.

This year,

Sad and alone,

Because my marriage did not end,

But tried again,

I thought about getting to some fireworks in the weeks before.

We live separate lives

Under the same roof,

Trying to jointly parent our 17 year old son.

In the end,

I did not go to any fireworks.

This year,

Sad and alone,

I rented a movie I’ve wanted to watch:

“The Reader.”

After it ended,

I turned off the TV

And sat in the dark,

Listening to the last vestiges

Of pops and bangs and fizzles

Of fireworks near and distant.

I thought to myself that I need to say to him,

“I think that it is time to begin the separation process.”

I don’t know if I will have the nerve or the will.

I am also afraid that it will be difficult to find a place to rent

That will allow dogs.