I am imagining Jesus as a lay preacher who returns to earth curious to see how his massage fared. He stays in the background - walks around a bit, checks out the noisiest group of Christians (those in the US) and decides that if this is where his message took hold fiercely, that he might learn from them.
At first he is appalled by the curious prosperity Gospel. He's surprised too about the mix of guns and national defense that clutters many Christian minds. (After all, he preached turning the other cheek!) But you can't argue with success, and eventually he reasoned that this too must be his father's will. So he decided to show himself to the world and re-design his Gospel for the new age.
Oh, he also got himself a sponsor.
In the image above, the popsicles looks like Dove Bars, but they also look like the new Cadbury snacks. I love both (my wife is partial to the Cadburys). All the images are, I believe, taken in fair use.
With the new Gospel, Jesus would have to abandon some of the more familiar speeches and parables. The Sermon on the Mount would be rewritten, removing the poor, and praising entrpreneurs. In fact, the poor would need to be completely written out of the New New Testament.
Same with parables that suggest that the rich might have a hard time getting into heaven.
Even rendering to Ceasar would need to be changed - after all, the new Jesus is against all new taxes (yes, Jesus II is a Republican).
Remember, Blessed are the Job Creators.