A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

Your online porthole into Todd's head.
SEPTEMBER 3, 2009 1:30PM

Adventures in Sketch: Phase Two

Rate: 9 Flag

NOTE:  Adventures in Sketch: Phase One can be found here. 

 

Here's another "classic" sketch from my personal files.  This bit of filthy lunacy was a collaboration between my longtime writing partner Sean Keenan and myself back in 2004:

 

 

THE "BLAMCO PARTY SHAMING KIT" SKETCH


 


CAST:

GUY
MANNY
GINA
ALBERT
VOICE-OVER


(Guy is passed out at a party.  Gina, Manny and Albert are all standing around drinking.)

 

MANNY:  I'm so drunk right now.  I can't feel my face.

GINA:  You're drunk, man.  You're drunk.

ALBERT: Guys, we're all drunk.  We're drunker than Indians on Thanksgiving!

MANNY: Why Thanksgiving?

ALBERT: Don't harsh my buzz, fag!  (ALBERT looks around) Ha ha!  Look at Guy!  He's passed out!

GINA: I'd love to do mean shit to him,  but I'm drunk and about as creative as a bag of hay!  If only there were a ready-made "Party Shaming Kit" that I could buy...

VOICE-OVER:  How many times has this happened to you?  You're at a party, and one of your friends passes out drunk?  Don't you wish you could do more than the standard poorly drawn cock and balls in sharpie around the passer-outer's mouth?

MANNY:  I sure do!

VOICE-OVER: Then maybe it's time you bought "The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!"

ALBERT:  "Blamco"?

MANNY:  "Time"?

VOICE-OVER: That's right, fools...   from the makers of "The Paris Hilton Mouth Cam" and "Angry Cat in a Bag":  it's "The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!"  Nothing says, "Way to pass out, fucker!" Like The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!

(Manny magically pulls out a box from underneath the wet bar marked "The Blamco Party Shaming Kit.")

MANNY: The Blamco Party Shaming Kit?  What's in it?

VOICE-OVER: Silly string!  Shaving Cream!  A disposable camera!  Hilarious rainbow wig!  A dildo!  Melty chocolate that looks like poop!

GINA: But I LIKE drawing wangs and nannydillers on a dude's smelly passed out face!

VOICE-OVER: No need to fear, party whore!  There's two Sharpie-brand permanent markers included!

GINA: I love you, anonymous, disembodied voice!

MANNY: What about live ants?

VOICE-OVER: Ants?

MANNY: Yeah, man!  Check it...  In college, we would put a Fudgesicle filled with live carpenter ants in the mouth of the first fucker who passed out and when the Fudgesicle melted, the ants would come charging out and lay eggs in his sinuses, man!  It was fucking rad, hoss!

VOICE-OVER: What the fuck is wrong with you?

MANNY: I'm just sayin'...

VOICE-OVER: (interrupts) That's The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!  Available at that gas station next to the Subway with that Arab dude that will totally sell you beer!

ALL:  (together) BLAMCO!

 

 

fudgsicle

 

 

FIN.

Author tags:

comedy, humor, life, nostalgia, sketch

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Comments

Type your comment below:
I WANT ONE!!! :)

Funny!! And rated!!!
getting drunk, thanksgiving... sounds familiar. Seriously I need you to write my play..... BTW (Tink is the comic genius on OS, you're in good company)
You should be expecting the guys in white jackets at your home any minute. This is funny and weird stuff. A lot like SNL, with cursing.
Great Post~~Rated
Cute! Where is the product address or the website? How much for S&H? If you can get Vince the sham-wow guy on board you'll sell a million of these.
Does it include a man-sized roll of cling wrap????

'Cause, you can never have enough cling wrap when someone passes out drunk.


Just saying.
Why am I not surprised that Tink was here first?
@Tinkertink69: Thanks, though I think they were discontinued in '06.

@Godfather: TOO familiar, eh?

@scanner: Thank you for your kind... is someone at the door?

@Michael Rodgers: Sadly, Vince and this product were never on the scene at the same time. You don't think --- ? Nah...

@Bill S: I never even though of cling wrap. What are you guys doing to drunk folks in Vermont?

@spotted_mind: because I hear he has a rep for craving "teh funny".
@Karin Rego: Ah! A kindred spirit! I'm glad you liked it.

... I THINK you liked it...?