NOTE: Adventures in Sketch: Phase One can be found here.
Here's another "classic" sketch from my personal files. This bit of filthy lunacy was a collaboration between my longtime writing partner Sean Keenan and myself back in 2004:
THE "BLAMCO PARTY SHAMING KIT" SKETCH
(Guy is passed out at a party. Gina, Manny and Albert are all standing around drinking.)
MANNY: I'm so drunk right now. I can't feel my face.
GINA: You're drunk, man. You're drunk.
ALBERT: Guys, we're all drunk. We're drunker than Indians on Thanksgiving!
MANNY: Why Thanksgiving?
ALBERT: Don't harsh my buzz, fag! (ALBERT looks around) Ha ha! Look at Guy! He's passed out!
GINA: I'd love to do mean shit to him, but I'm drunk and about as creative as a bag of hay! If only there were a ready-made "Party Shaming Kit" that I could buy...
VOICE-OVER: How many times has this happened to you? You're at a party, and one of your friends passes out drunk? Don't you wish you could do more than the standard poorly drawn cock and balls in sharpie around the passer-outer's mouth?
MANNY: I sure do!
VOICE-OVER: Then maybe it's time you bought "The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!"
VOICE-OVER: That's right, fools... from the makers of "The Paris Hilton Mouth Cam" and "Angry Cat in a Bag": it's "The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!" Nothing says, "Way to pass out, fucker!" Like The Blamco Party Shaming Kit!
(Manny magically pulls out a box from underneath the wet bar marked "The Blamco Party Shaming Kit.")
MANNY: The Blamco Party Shaming Kit? What's in it?
VOICE-OVER: Silly string! Shaving Cream! A disposable camera! Hilarious rainbow wig! A dildo! Melty chocolate that looks like poop!
GINA: But I LIKE drawing wangs and nannydillers on a dude's smelly passed out face!
VOICE-OVER: No need to fear, party whore! There's two Sharpie-brand permanent markers included!
GINA: I love you, anonymous, disembodied voice!
MANNY: What about live ants?
MANNY: Yeah, man! Check it... In college, we would put a Fudgesicle filled with live carpenter ants in the mouth of the first fucker who passed out and when the Fudgesicle melted, the ants would come charging out and lay eggs in his sinuses, man! It was fucking rad, hoss!
VOICE-OVER: What the fuck is wrong with you?
MANNY: I'm just sayin'...
VOICE-OVER: (interrupts) That's The Blamco Party Shaming Kit! Available at that gas station next to the Subway with that Arab dude that will totally sell you beer!
ALL: (together) BLAMCO!