The Conservative Bible Project (http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_ ... ) is looking for volunteers to help in their effort to edit the words of God and teachings of Jesus in order to eliminate the liberal bias that has contaminated their modern translations. “Conservapedia”(http://www.conservapedia.com/Main_Page ) founder Andy Schlafly, the immaculately conceived son of conservative anti-feminist icon (if not icandy) Phyllis Schlafly and this season’s favorite to win the reality TV contest “America’s Got Assholes”, launched the project upon realizing that “liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations.”(http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_ ... )

“It only makes sense that there would be a liberal bias in Bible translations,” according to O. Verlee Pious, spokeswoman for the Family Research Council, a conservative political action committee, “many of the original texts were in Hebrew, so I think it’s safe to assume that some level of New York liberal Jewish bias would be inevitable.” As for the texts not originally written in Hebrew, Ms. Pious was quick to point out, “Well, they were all translated by scholars and university professors, and we all know how liberal and un-American those people are.”

The Conservative Bible Project is preventing such scholarly bias from contaminating the Holy Scriptures by employing the ‘Wiki’ approach to cooperative research. Any member of “Conservapedia” can contribute their original interpretations or edit existing work on the site, ensuring the same high standards of encyclopedic integrity currently found in similar online references such as “Wikipedia”(http://www.wikipedia.org /) and the fast-growing “Dickipedia”.(http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=M ... )

While some see this project as controversial, one potential benefit, as outlined on the Project’s home page is that, “liberals will oppose this effort, but they will have to read the Bible to criticize this, and that will open their minds.”(http://www.conservapedia.com/Conservative_ ... )

“If we can just get liberals to start reading the Bible, we can change the world for the better,” Schlafly said during the most recent ‘Assholes’ episode, “because nobody who truly understands our Messiah could ever support the pseudo-socialist ‘share the wealth’ liberal agenda which is currently destroying our country and our morals.”

The next order of business for the CBP will be to uncover the true name of the Biblical Christ figure. “A solid majority of people named ‘Jesus’ voted Democrat in the last election, proving that the name published in the Bible cannot possibly be correct,” Schlafly observed, “But don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of it…”

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