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The Desperate Blogger

The Desperate Blogger
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I am a freelance writer from New York City, who recently opened a new Income Tax Service because, let's face it, these days if you don't have a job you'd better create one for yourself... I also support myself through the sale of unique political-left t-shirts, buttons, and other generally useless but fun stuff on my websites, TheDesperateBlogger.com and 'The Desperate Blogger Superstore' (Http://ShopDesperateBlogger.com)

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 27, 2010 12:41PM

Robertson: “God Even Angrier with Chile than Haiti"

Rate: 41 Flag

Citing what he described as the “the persecution of a great hero who rid their land of Godless communists” as a possible cause, prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson today argued that the 8.8 magnitude of the earthquake that struck Chile early this morning should serve as a warning to the population that “God is even angrier with them than he is with the people of Haiti.”

“If I had to guess, I’d say it must have to do with Chile’s persecution and attempted prosecution of their great former leader, and a personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet – who, it should be noted, had never been convicted of a crime when the Lord called him home three years ago.”  The popular host of ‘The 700 Club’ and longtime bingo circuit icon also added, “General Pinochet not only assisted the CIA in the overthrow of Chile’s Marxist government, but is widely credited with personally arranging the meetings of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of his countrymen with Jesus.”

General Pinochet, who spent the last eight years of his life fighting prosecution on human rights and other charges before succumbing to congestive heart failure in December 2006, could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson.  The General–turned-Dictator has long been considered a transformative figure in the field of Crimes Against Humanity as a result of his landmark policy of ‘Forced Disappearance’, and was even honored in 1998 with the first-ever arrest warrant for a former head of state under the principle of ‘universal jurisdiction’ by Spanish Judge Baltasar Garzon, who is currently investigating former Bush Administration officials for War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity.

For his part, Robertson, who reportedly lobbied then-President George W. Bush on behalf of former Liberian Dictator and accused Human Rights criminal Charles Taylor in exchange for lucrative gold mining contracts,  says that he is “praying that the people of Chile will heed this warning, and never again blaspheme against God and international free-market commerce by nationalizing their most precious natural resources.”

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Oh, brother. There he goes again,.
R
Funny! We're both probably gonna get a bunch of shit today. http://open.salon.com/blog/rogerf1953/2010/02/27/god_triggers_quake_as_obama_officials_meet_with_athiests
If there was a God, he or she would have caused an earthquake at Robertson's house long ago.
And here I was wondering - "Hey, has Robertson been a total dick on this yet?"

Thanks for finding out. Yeesh.
Please note that this is fiction... Satire at best... Please notate that somewhere for it's being picked up as fact... That's NOT funny.

All the best,

Emyth
God punished the son of a thousand bitches (Robertson) for his ignorance, educate and inform yourself Rpbertson what we suffered during the regime of that other bastard Augusto Pinochet, Chileans do not want anyone to forget, torture and crimes committed by the Pinochet's military dictatorship.
I know this is absolutely what I was talking about on my entry about the Manhattan Declaration. The madness of this deluded nut. And to have Robertson give some religious backing to Pinochet is absolutely par for the course. This is the same deluded reasoning of so called "christians" who backed monarchy in Europe for thousands of years, backed the conquest of the Americas in the name of God, and pushed to keep people from thinking during the protestant reformation. All you need to know is what Robertson says, reading and educating yourself is not necessary. I have a feeling that when Robertson goes he will have much to account for wherever he ends up.
Pat Robertson doesn't understand tectonic plates and thinks, as someone from an earlier, pre-scientific civilization, that this is the wrath of some invented deity. I pale to think that his uneducated beliefs are shared by others. Retributive justice went out in Greek times. He gets my wrath everytime he utters these inane, bigoted remarks. OK, on with a joyful day!
and again and again and again . . . My personal belief is that he says these things just to get attention. But unlike a young child who is only trying to get his mom, dad, and teachers to notice, he has a huge following among evangelicals. I grew up among evangelicals, and they are willing to believe nearly anything, as long as it come from a source they consider reliable.
Nice post, Desperate. You know, don't you, that Pat has in the past claimed that he communicates directly with the Almighty. So you might want to be on the lookout for lightening bolts. Pat doesn't like to be mocked.
Straight to Hell, Sir. Do not pass Go.
Some people are too mean to live. Damn. Dementia with a microphone is just too much. Thanks for letting us know, and putting it so well.
Note to the editor -- as plausible as this story is, might this be a hoax? You didn't include a link to a source for this quote. Is the joke on us? The part about Robertson crediting Pinochet with bringing hundreds, even thousands of souls to meet Jesus seems an obvious giveaway -- given that's the number of souls Pinochet may have, in an eternal sense, caused to "meet Jesus."
Let me put it this way, if Salon circulated this as a comment on a real story, and it's not based on an actual story, then you're just feeding more fodder to the Glen Beck's of the world.... If so, you've just ticked off a lot of intelligent fans. (and this would be my last visit here) If the quotes are true, then why the heck didn't you give us a link.?
This piece was very obviously satire. Or fake news on the order of Andy Borowitz. Well done, except it could have been shorter, less detailed (no need to hit us over the head) and maybe a tad more sarcastic /ironic to make sure people knew it was fake. The bit about Roberts being a longtime bingo circuit icon was quite clever though.
For those who aren't sure: I always try to provide "hints" as to what's real and what's not. What's real is Robertson's own "deal with the Devil" (or in his case, Taylor from Liberia) for which a link is provided. Aside from tags 'snark' and 'satire', i also try and throw in clues like: "... prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist" "The popular host of ‘The 700 Club’ and longtime bingo circuit icon..." "General Pinochet, who spent the last eight years of his life fighting prosecution on human rights and other charges before succumbing to congestive heart failure in December 2006, could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson." and "...honored in 1998 with the first-ever arrest warrant for a former head of state..."
I beg to differ. It's one thing to offer satire over something real, quite another to fabricate quotes -- and then pillory that which was just invented.

I ordinarily much value Salon -- particularly the posts of Juan Cole. Now, because the editors here so carelessly let this one appear as an "editor's choice," thinking it was "real."....

Cheapens everything else at Salon.

I just unsubscribed. My time, energy, and emotions have been violated -- needlessly.

I'm out of here.
@ Riker: Best wishes to you, and as it says at the top of this page, don't take the world too seriously...
Oh, come on. As one who was reading too fast and can be fooled when she wants to be, I can take it. Grow up.
You know, he may well say something just like this. He's batshit crazy, after all.
Robertson demonstrates quite convincingly why capitalism can never be defended by conservative blather. God will punish the free market haters? yeah right. And the world wonders why capitalism is given a bum wrap. Look at the bums wrapping it.
I think the people who are upset because you didn't make it more obvious that it was satire are kind of missing the point. You can't tell this is satire immediately because it is the kind of thing Robertson might actually say! Rated.
One of my favourite reads in college was Jonathan Swift... whose readers were often fooled by his wild stories; it added to the power of his satire to pretend that there were giants and midgets and floating islands in the sky, or that English aristocrats ate Irish babies...keep the satire coming, please.
I am not so much interested in Robertson's take on the morals or lack there of the Chilean people, as I am that he supports a person who advocated forced disappearances of its citizens. The information that he and Bush supported another leader who committed genocidal activities(africa) over their gold resources is news to me and alarming. Who cares about his religion or Bush's? I care about the inhumanity to man in the name of personal and national wealth....how is this different from the millions of jews and catholics and others who were exterminated during WWII?. The difference is the nazi's were tidy....they built ovens. These guys just had them disappear. This way no one would have physical evidence of their atrocities. I am still asking why more people are not bringing charges against the Bush administration for crimes against humanity. And Pat this is a message for you.....Jesus NEVER would
have condoned what happened in Chile . In fact he would have done better...he would have shared what he had...as in fishes and loaves. Do you remember that part? What is the matter with you?
Putting words in Pat Robertson's mouth?? Who do you think you are? GOD?
Let's hope that this quake teaches those Chileans a lesson. Of course, they mustn't have been as depraved as those Krakatoans back in 1883.

For how to really invoke the Supreme Being's wrath, check out those former dinosaurs of about 65 million years ago. No mere earthquake for them. They got a giant asteroid! Can't imagine what level of waywardness they'd sunk to. You'd think that after a couple of hundred million years of reasonably good behavior, they might have been let off with a warning. Well, they do say that the ways are mysterious.
Too many dunces really, really don't get the idea that this piece is SATIRE! Pat Robertson is loathsome, but HE DID NOT SAY THAT GOD PUNISHED CHILE. Robertson says enough stupid things.
Speaking of stupid, if Al Gore claimed that the recent earthquakes are more proof of man-made global warming, how many suckers would uncritically lap up that crapola?
"Clowns to the left me,
Jokers to the right..."
At the risk of being a jerk, I tend to think of the open salon crowd as being more clever than the average bear but to be quite frank, I'm shocked at how many people cannot distinguish satire from reality. This post is satire, Pat Robertson never said these things, if that is not clear to you from reading the post your language skills could use some work.

Also great post
Hey, flaky Pat,
Oral is calling you.
He wants you to come visit him.
Hurry up!!
Since the webmasturbators of salon don't know how to include an "edit' feature for our comments, I need to post twice.
I clicked on "post" before saying that it is obvious why Riker's island is named after him.
Poor baby probably thinks The Onion can only be purchased in the produce dept.
It's obvious to everyone that Pat Robertson has sold his soul, right? It's not just me who sees it?
Robertson is begging for a comeuppance from God, isn't he? Who died and made him the mouthpiece of karmic justice?
Very funny and well done - in fact so well done that at first I, like (apparently) others thought it was real. The only down side to that is when Pat R DOES say something idiotic perhaps we won't believe that he said it. But otherwise, must note these great lines: "amateur seismologist", "could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson". You got a big laugh from me on that one!
Blog would have served readers, if date and place...source of this quote had been given. Anyone know a source for sure?
People, please try to concentrate. You're giving aggrieved lefties a bad name (yes, I'm being sarcastic, and it IS necessary to spell it out in alphabet blocks). Now, take a deep breath.

PAT ROBERTSON DID NOT REALLY SAY THAT GOD PUNISHED CHILE. THE ARTICLE IS SATIRE.

Say the word "satire" out loud several times. Look it up in the dictionary.
Funny bit of writing but not the sort of thing I come to Salon for... maybe go have a try at writing for The Onion.
Venusboy: Believe me, I would love to... btw, the beauty of Open Salon is it's diversity of content -- there's plenty that's not my cup of tea either...
You are an outstanding author. Keep it up!
No, really, it needs to be labeled better. It's a tribute to you that you have found that zone where every aspect of your story seems just plausible enough to people whose opinion of Robertson is so low that they would believe all of what you have written about him without batting an eye. And now it's viral, and the joke is not on Robertson, it's on the earnest people losing their cool over it. I don't blame you, I blame Salon -- Editor's Pick, yes, but it needs an asterix.
Sometimes, when people don't get something, it just because it hasn't been explained well enough.....and just needs to be repeated. Or, maybe, just maybe, it isn't funny, or it's not worth the paper it was first written on? These are questions that could more easily be answered by those Democrats who are pushing this ratsy health care bill down our throats.
No it doesn't, baseball stats need asterixs, not this, people just need to be smarter.
This represents a whole lower hellish ring of amoral goo in this crumpled soul. He is a caricature of horror.

You correctly offer a precis of Pinochet here, for those who don't know. For those of us who lived thru his American-sponsored untouchableness, the women in black, his belated comeuppance, his modern era fascism overturned at last, Robertson's remark is nothing less than an apologia of Klaus Barbie or Pol Pot.
Folks
There is a God. When she needs a good laugh she listens to Robertson.
Ha! Wonderful piece, Desperate Blogger. Big smiles.
Ha ha. The joke's on me. I bought it hook, line and sinker. Imagine my disappointment when I found out by reading the comments that it was satire. I agree with EthicalHedonist who says, "You can't tell this is satire immediately because it is the kind of thing Robertson might actually say!"

Indeed. The only thing I would add is my favorite quote from Wavy Gravy:

If you lose your sense of humor, it's just not funny any more.

Great post, Desperate Blogger.
Why is it when someone doesn't get what is pretty obvious-- there are hints all over the place-- it suddenly becomes the writer's fault. And marijane what in the effing hell does this have to do with the health care bill? You are truly pathetic. I'm surprised you aren't saying it's Obama's fault and he was hoping the tsunami would destroy Hawaii and there'd be no way to produce that long birth cert you're still crying about. (That's a JOKE! A JOKE, i said.)
Roberston is a nut...no further explanation required
I could tell it was 'satire' right away except that it wasn' t funny with all that is actually happening to people in Chile.

So easy for some of us to say not to take the world so seriously, when the photos and news have been painful to see and something to take seriously.

I'm sorry it's an editor's pick too -- I'm a fan of Salon -- but not in this case.
I'm sure that if there really was a god, it would have called this moron home by now, except that there's no more use for him in the hereafter than there is in the here and now.

However, Mr. Robertson stands as a fine example of why late term abortions should be allowed.

And that's very very very late term, if you get my drift.

www.boskolives.wordpress.com
That man is mentally disturbed, and morally bankrupt. He thinks
he is god. He passes judgement on people he knows nothing about.
From the sound of it, its because they dont want to allow him to
mine for gold in their country...He is evil, in its largest degree.
When the supervolcano in Yellowstone that the Science channel keeps telling me about erupts, I only hope to have Patty boy there to clue me in about God's thinking regarding the entire northern hemisphere, cause you know, I wonder about it all.......
That this post is being taken seriously must be some kind of measure of how low things have sunk.

What's next?

Rush claims that government-run building codes were to blame for every building that fell down?

Newt Gingrich comes up with eight adjectives that all conservatives have to use to describe the quake?

JohJohn McCain says the rescue operations is going to cost too much and insists that the rescuers start over from their barracks?

Obama offers to have a beer with the looters?

Hillary goes down there and actually gets shot at?
Excellent post! I was actually considering tuning into the 700 Club for a minute to see what the nutty old guy had to say about Chile's sins.
Has anyone asked Bushie Baby what he thinks about this? He talks to God, and God told him to invade Iraq, remember? How does that work, anyway? Does God call these people on the phone? If He just appears in their heads, how do they hear Him through all the other voices they're hearing? (That's called schizophrenia. Why doesn't someone step in and medicate these morons?)
Listen.. I get the hick-ups of that dog Pat Robertson.... isn´t there any one around with a nice 9 mm to finish him off ?? That should have been arranged 70 years ago when he popped out of his momma....
From the GripeVine.... & Donah..//
if this is satire, it needs to be clearly labeled. Otherwise it is inflammatory and worse than useless. Properly labeled, it would be hilarious, for those who get their juice-fix by egoic antics.

children in the playground. And this is the best we can do?

we might as well stomp on the detonator, and get it over with.
Sorry about Chile getting clobbered again within 20 years or so (they really don´t deserve it) and why Pat the religious DOG´s howling again... but Obama might have some luck finally with the super long wave tsunami heading for his birth cert.... and we can close the book on him.... I hear peepol saying God has His ways and I am waiting for the only "God´s Way" when they´re both taken out to and left to rot om the shooting range.... At times... usually in the predawn mornings I wake up in search of my rusty bazooka wondering where Mariah, my houskeep tucked it away and out of sight worrying what´ll happen if li´ll Donah gets his crummy fingers on the trigger.... She´s a devote Catholica mamma and beats the X everytime the ambulance chases by empty or when driving past any church, dropping both hands from the "volante" in search for her Rosary..... Well.. people are peepol and I´m still around.. even with Mariah driving me to and fro the Krankenhaus....
From the GripeVine.... & Donah..// I won´t be back !!
Surely the continued existence of Pat Robertson is proof that there is no God. If there were, she would have smitten him long ago, and he would Be rotting in Hades.
Mary (and so many others): aside from 'satire', 'snark', & 'political humor' tags, the following (by word count) comprise about 25% of the entire text:

"...prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson"

"The popular host of ‘The 700 Club’ and longtime bingo circuit icon also added..."

"...credited with personally arranging the meetings of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of his countrymen with Jesus.”

"General Pinochet, who (... died ...) in December 2006, could not be reached for comment, even by Robertson."

"... and was even honored in 1998 with the first-ever arrest warrant for a former head of state under the principle of ‘universal jurisdiction’"

I'm sorry you don't find this sufficient.

As our President says, if you have a better idea, I'm all ears...
well-played, sir.

I bought it. Because he could, and he might still, say such things.
As much as I'd like believe there is a God, to allow this type venom to spewed, and for so long, is unfathomable.
It just goes to show...read the comments before you put your own 2 cents' worth in! :)
The daily newsletter I get from Salon links to the title of this posting verbatim, so that's a Salon Newsletter link that says "Robertson: “God Even Angrier with Chile than Haiti." My blood pressure rises, I follow the link, and I read the piece. Then I Google Robertson and Chile, and lo-and-behold, there's no news item about it, just Jonathon Turley cautioning that it's not real.
Frankly, I'd like any of the smug people who knew INSTANTLY it was a satire (and what the hell's wrong with the rest of us morons with no command of the language?) to point out one sentence in it that would have been written differently if Robertson actually HAD said all these things, which are in fact far less outrageous than his comments about Haiti and Satan.

If the majority of the people here reading the post didn't catch the gag, imagine what the people who only glanced at the newsletter, saw the headline link, but didn't follow it are thinking. Who's going to tell them the piece the link went to was only kidding? Salon Fail.
What does it say when so many people would so easily believe that even a douchebag like Pat Robertson actually said:

“If I had to guess, I’d say it must have to do with Chile’s persecution and attempted prosecution of their great former leader, and a personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet – who, it should be noted, had never been convicted of a crime when the Lord called him home three years ago.”

he is “praying that the people of Chile will heed this warning, and never again blaspheme against God and international free-market commerce by nationalizing their most precious natural resources.”

???

p.s. kinda the point here...
David,

Not getting Salon's newsletter, I had no idea how this was presented. If the newsletter comes from Salon, in particular, rather than Open Salon, which, as we see, has more varied content, then I must agree.

Thanks for the post, I've been wondering about the reaction myself...
This post is supposedly about Pat Robertson and most everybody mentions God... Q:- Is there any relation between senile Pat and God Almighty ??.... I was hoping to read an answer anywhere here but as I didn´t attend seminary I could have missed the point... So it is true.. There is a Pat Robertson and there is NO God..... I should have thought of that before..... Anybody with me ?? The line has been open since the early (or was it Late) 80´s... I was working with jukeboxes in the middle 50´s but I think Apple Mac came out in the 80´s when Steve and Bill had a barn fight... Hey, can anybody remember his hard disk was an allunimum contraption of 12 stacked 14 inch disks in a bedside cabinet ???? Steve and Bill were then about to be "created" with a lot of huffin´ ´n puffin´ with no comments column... Anyways.. Have fun... From the GripeVine.... & Donah..//
I thought God did it to punish Hawaii for being so wanton and lustful. It was a major inconvenience to them having to take a day off in Hilo and having traffic rerouted. /s
Those who don't understand satire and/or don't "get" jokes are typically boring.

BTW-Can someone explain the word I saw in a post~~"asterixs"?
so does Pat Robertson follow God on Facebook or Twitter?
Nice to have it spelled out that God and international free-market commerce are of equal weight in Robertson's value system.
Notice how many fools continue to act as though Pat Robertson really made those deranged comments about the earthquake in Chile AFTER several posters and the author himself explained that the piece was intended as satire.
Are reading comprehension skills relics of the past in our post-literate age?
Ronald:

As frustrating as it may be, criticism and/or anger should really be directed at the source of the problem --Pat Robertson himself.

It is he and he alone who is responsible for the fact that it's so easily believed that he said such outrageous crap...
Considering what a drip Robertson is, it was hard for me to tell truth from fiction in this one!
Desperate Blogger,

I enjoyed your piece and agree that Robertson is a fool who says mad things. But, the problem facing our society is that truth perishes when idiots duel. There is no shortage of stupidity on either side of the political spectrum. Honest debates occur when the contending sides, operating in good faith, simply lack the necessary data to reach clear conclusions. When ideologues falsify facts and distort reality to advance their agendas, something important is lost.

I have no love for George Bush, but the left's Big Lie, the monstrous falsehood that he knew there were no WMD in Iraq, is a case in point. Forget about the geopolitics: there were plausible reasons to topple Saddam and plausible reasons to maintain the status quo. To argue that the Bushies crafted a lie that was certain to be exposed and equally certain to hurt them badly insults everyone's intelligence. A child knows that people tell lies to derive benefits unavailable from telling the truth. To pretend that Bush went in looking for weapons he knew wouldn't be found, while his personal approval ratings plummeted, is to announce that you are devoid of critical thinking skills. Whether or not we approve of Bush's Iraq policy, let's agree that he was kicking the furniture when no stockpiles of prohibited weapons turned up.

Lefties drip condescension and mock people on the right who act like idiots. Rightwingers do the same when lefties act like idiots. Surely, it is the idiocy that should be mocked. Why do we give a pass to the side that comforts our prejudices?
It's a kind of job? It's not funny, in Chile we're really worried about ppl that loose their goods, their jobs and even their lives. We are a prepared country, we got 80% of our energy plants up, 6hours after the 5º worst earthquake in the history of world, 150 times the power of eq in Haiti.
Now, 36 hours after EQ we're in our jobs, sending help to our brothers, worried of real things.

If you don't want or can't help us, shout your mouth!
Well following Robertson's line of thinking or senility, take your pick, God must be angier at old decrepit Dick Cheney than he is at former President Clinton. He gave Clinton a warning so that he could prevent a heart attack. On the other hand, he gave Cheney a heart attack instead of a warning. Actually, he must have been made at Cheney for quite some time as this was his fourth or fifth heart attack.
Desperate Blogger,

You got me! Those statements certainly ring true.

However, I do find it hard to believe that Pat Robertson would pass at a chance to attack Chile's president, Michelle Bachelet (socialist, avowed atheist, single mom).
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Seriously, don't you know that - in a world where the Pat Robertsons say stupid, crazy things that are reported as fact - satire doesn't work. See: http://open.salon.com/blog/runaway_serfer/2009/09/08/we_live_in_an_age_where_satire_doesnt_work
i'm absolutely flummoxed at how many people didn't get this as the satire it clearly is (but at least it gave me the chance to use the word 'flummoxed')...great piece--rated
Question for Pat Robertson: Is there any corner of God's green earth that He is not angry with? If so, please let us know.
The sad thing is that there are good Christian people out there, and this guy claims to be there leader. What a travesty and an embarrassment.
I didn't realize God's anger was measured on the Richter Scale. Very interesting.
This just in....God signs up for anger management class.....Developing.... ;-D Rated!
Chile is a source of copper, which is necessary to produce brass, and Pat Robertson needs carloads of brass to encase his balls.
Quite clear that god hates Chile 500 times more than he hates Haiti and that the irony impaired are alive and well and walk among us.

Did anyone besides me get the impression that CNN news readers actually seemed disappointed that Hawai'i survived the tsunami without damage or loss of life.
I have very little use for Pat Robertson.

I also have very little use for putting words into other people's mouth, even if those words are characteristic of what other people say. To me, this borders on slander. It is not satire. It is simply misquoting and fabrication.

Mr Robertson says plenty of things that can be legitimately debated. This stroll through fantasy is merely inflammatory.

Editor's Choice? Wow.
ok. at first i thot this was possible because Pat ' I talk to God directly every damn chance i get' Robertson is capable of an obscenity such as this.

BUT then i sussed it was satire and had a good laugh. this ain't Wells' War of the World, folks. lighten the f@ck up!

rated for snarky satire. :-)
Well, my good man, after reading the commentary, you are to be congratulated for proving yet again that Conservatives have no sense of humor -- and apparently a lot of them aren't too bright either. Humor is lost on people who can't see the irony in Teabaggers complaining because DC public transportation wasn't up to the task of hauling them to and from their tax protests.

Duh!
So now I think I understand: God's wrath is measured on the Richter scale. But how do aftershocks fit into the equation? And what about the resulting tsunamis? God's ways are, indeed, mysterious.
To Miriamac.... I´m glad you put my noodles in order by saying that God is a SHE.... Would you please sort that out with my nearest pasish servant who puts his life under the Guillotine claiming that God has a dongle and no slit... From the GripeVine.... & Rufus,,//
Damn it! I had the same post... you beat me to it by an hour or 2!
Damn it! I had the same post... you beat me to it by an hour or 2!
I cannot believe I satirically came up with the same thing that actually happened.. scary very scary
http://open.salon.com/blog/banterrific/2010/02/27/if_god_hates_haiti_he_must_really_fucking_hate_chile
Funny piece.

I have to figure that some people, God puts in the world as a warm, loving light. Others? So we know what NOT to be like.
Christians often cite a verse in the New Testament where Paul quotes Jesus as having said to him three times, "My grace is sufficient for thee." (II Corinthians 12:8-9) Christians misinterpret this verse to mean they're free to do whatever they want—ignoring the rest of the New Testament, and (especially) Jesus' and Paul's other teachings.

The apostle Paul taught his followers to bless their persecutors and not curse them (Romans 12:14), to care for their enemies by providing them with food and drink (12:20), and to pay their taxes and obey all earthly governments (13:1-7). He mentioned giving all his belongings to feed the hungry (I Corinthians 13:3), and taught giving to the person in need (Ephesians 4:23). He told his followers it was wrong to take their conflicts before non-Christian courts rather than before the saints. (I Corinthians 6:1)

Paul taught that "it is good for a man not to touch a woman," i.e. , it is best to be celibate, but because of prevailing immoralities, marriage is acceptable. Divorce, however, is not permissible, except in the case of an unbeliever demanding separation. (I Corinthians 7)

Paul repeatedly attacked sexual immorality."This is God's will—your sanctification, that you keep yourselves from sexual immorality, that each of you learn how to take his own wife in purity and honor, not in lustful passion like the gentiles who have no knowledge of God." (I Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Paul told his followers not to associate with sexually immoral people (I Corinthians 5:9-12, 6:15,18). He condemned homosexuality (Romans 1:24-27) and incest (I Corinthians 5:1).

"Make no mistake," warned Paul, "no fornicator or idolater, none who are guilty either of adultery or of homosexual perversion, no thieves or grabbers or drunkards or slanderers or swindlers, will possess the kingdom of God." (I Corinthians 6:9-10 [NEB])

Paul condemned wickedness, immorality, depravity, greed, murder, quarreling, deceit, malignity, gossip, slander, insolence, pride (Romans 1:29-30), drunkenness, carousing, debauchery, jealousy (Romans 13:13), sensuality, magic arts, animosities, bad temper, selfishness, dissensions, envy (Galatians 5:19-21; greediness (Ephesians 4:19; Colossians 3:5), foul speech, anger, clamor, abusive language, malice (Ephesians 4:29-32), dishonesty (Colossians 3:13), materialism (I Timothy 6:6-11), conceit, avarice, boasting and treachery. (II Timothy 3:2-4)

Paul told the gentiles to train themselves for godliness, to practice self-control and lead upright, godly lives (Galatians 5:23; I Timothy 4:7; II Timothy 1:7; Titus 2:11-12). He instructed them to ALWAYS pray constantly. (I Thessalonians 5:17)

Paul praised love, joy, peace, kindness, generosity, fidelity and gentleness (Galatians 5:22-23). He told his followers to conduct themselves with humility and gentleness (Ephesians 4:2), to speak to one another in psalms and hymns; to sing heartily and make music to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:19; Colossians 3:16)

Paul wrote further that women should cover their heads while worshiping, and that long hair on males is dishonorable. (I Corinthians 11:5-14) According to Paul, Christian women are to dress modestly and prudently, and are not to be adorned with braided hair, gold or pearls or expensive clothes. (I Timothy 2:9)

Yet the Christians I encounter ignore the New Testament as a whole, and focus only on one of Paul's statements to justify their hedonism. The late Reverend J.R. ("Regina") Hyland, an evangelical minister, a vegan, and author of God's Covenant with Animals (it's available through PETA), told me they're quoting Paul out of context. Paul, she observed, was very strict with himself:

"But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection; lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway." (I Corinthians 9:27)

Regina Hyland said further that this verse indicates it's possible for one to lose one's salvation (a point of contention among born agains!).

My friend Ruth Enero, a Catholic peace activist whom I very much respect, also says they're quoting Paul out of context. Paul, she says, had a "thorn" in his side, and asked the Lord what to do about it. The response was simple: "My grace is sufficient for thee." This was a response to a specific problem, not a license to do as one pleases, or why else would Paul himself have given so many other moral instructions?

Reverend Frank Hoffman, a retired vegan Methodist minister, and owner of the www.all-creatures.org Christian vegetarian website says, "I agree with Ruth."

These Christians who focus only on II Corinthians 12:8-9 MUST be quoting Paul out of context, because otherwise it doesn't make any sense: on the one hand, Paul is warning that drunkards, thieves, homosexuals, etc. will not inherit the kingdom of God, and on the other hand he's saying if you call on Jesus three times. . .you can do whatever you want?!

My friend Frank Morales (now a professor of religion) said:

"Someone should tell all this to Pat Robertson--he's still trying to outlaw abortion."

My problem really isn't with Christians not being able to follow Jesus or Paul, but with the hypocrisy of going around saying "I believe," and then ignoring the rest of what their religion dictates when it suits them. Why not just be secular, like everyone else? (It would certainly make things easier for those of us in the vegetarian and animal rights movements.)

It’s my contention we Americans really live in a secular society; one in which people just pay lip service to religious ideals.
I need these explanations because otherwise, my head starts spinning around and around...R
Let me make this clear to you.

Chile--Chili---pepper---hot--hell--hell is hot! So Chile is connected to HELL! Who lives in hell? Pat's friend, Jerry Falwell--or, hopefully he squeaked through on God's mercy--but--SATAN... SATAN lives in hell.
So Chile is connected to SATAN.

Understand?
It's hilarious (or maybe not so) to see how many responders think this was a true story, perhaps because it just doesn't surprise, given Robertson's long history of crap-spewing. But it also reveals that many people don't read the comments, except maybe their own. How many times has it been said that this was satire?
I never comment on blogs or anything like this, but I am appalled by the insensitiveness of this satire ... what are you thinking in the US? Do you believe that because we are South of you borders (or North for that matter) we have no feelings? How can you make satire over the death of over 700 people? I live in Santiago, Chile, went through this incredible earthquake, my fourth one would you believe, and I invite whoever wrote this to come down here and see if you feel like making clever satire about our situation. I would like to see you being clever while getting the wind knocked off you by Mother Nature, then for the next week or so walking as though you have rubbery legs and your sense of balance has totally disappeared. Then having to pick up ALL your belongings from the floor, as your underwear jumped out of your dresser, flew across the bedroom and tripped you while you were trying to get out ... see if you feel so funny then!!! Try moving a solid mahogany table that jumped 1 1/2 feet or the china cabinet that is sitting diagonally in your dining room area, or the bookcase that spewed books all over, making it impossible to open the front door, let alone get there! I don't believe God punishes us, we have received many, many warnings that this is earthquake country, yet we choose to live here and are very happy about it.
As far as your political views, I am very happy to learn that you are of a leftist inclination, so I am glad that you are probably disapointed that the left has "left the building" and we are moving back to the center, where we have always been!
I am a 63 year old grandma, nobody can tell me horror stories about any Government, I have lived through all of them and they all have good things and bad things. So all I can tell you is grow up!
The problem is not Pat Robertson. The problem is the ninnies who believe him.
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It is not a joke, nor is it funny to make jokes about situations when people are hurt or killed. I truly feel sorry for the author of this piece.
I wonder if god is so angry at Bible-thumpin', anti-abortion, anti-gay Oklahoma, who experienced a few 4-points around the same time?
HellOOOO, its satire. Didn't really happen. He made it all up. Its comedy. Funny but again, never really happened and you all bought it like a Dolex watch from a guy named Lex.
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I always felt it was just those on the Right that had difficulty in spotting satire and sarcasm but I guess not and poor old Michael Green got all worked up. Heh heh.
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Say goodnight Gracie.
So what does he say when a Baptist church gets hit by a tornado?
In defense of the writer, may I add this. At least Salon allows people of both directions to have their say. Try that on a right wing blog!
The website below says the above is a satire.

http://jonathanturley.org/2010/02/28/pat-robertson-earthquake-was-probably-gods-punishment-for-chiles-mistreatment-of-augusto-pinochet/

Articles like the above create a huge problem of people believing something that is not true. Deception. Wrong.
@Jeff: Sorry to kill you're 'gothcha' moment...

As the author, I never made any pretensions that it was anything but satire. My website: http://www.thedesperateblogger.com is pretty clear on that, and anywhere else it's posted (by me) it is labeled (note tags).

Additionally, if parts of the article stating that a person who has been dead for more than three years "could not be reached for comment" or that the same individual was "honored" with an arrest warrant aren't good enough hints...

Please do not take this as a swipe at you personally, as if you had read other comments left here you would be well aware that many people did not realize it was satire.

I guess what puzzles me is this: Why is it that when people jump to the wrong conclusion because they don't pay attention to what they are reading, it's the author's fault??
Mr. Robertson is grossly deluded if he thinks the the Lord is subject to his beliefs. God is the Lord of all, not just capitalist America. He cares for Chileans as much as He does for Americans. Now that's a real shock for Robertson's system. To think that the Chilean earthquake is devine retribution is too foolish to even comment upon. I can't understand why Americans are so willing to be taken in by these phoney evangelists.
Dear Desperate,

If you or I or anyone else had to waste our time pandering to the intellectually deficient, there would be no more time for intelligent satire. Comments like those proffered by Riker and Jeff need not be addressed. I would no less argue with flat-earth theorists or creationists.

Cheers,

Niklerog
I love how Robertson squints his closed eyes really hard when he prays. It's as if this will intensify the transmission of his information to the almighty. Squint power!
I think that Robinson makes those statements out of fear. He wants to believe that God will not let these natural disasters that have been occuring happen to him. I get tired of hearing from Fundamentalists about how God is punishing certain people. I also don't understand why many people ask "Why God is allowing these disasters to occur?" I do believe in God, but I don't think these natural disasters have anything to do with God. I think that we are the cause of these disasters, even the recent earth quakes and volcano activity. Many people agree that Global warming is causing weather changes, but have you read about the rebound effect? The polar ice caps weigh millions of tons. They are putting pressure on the earth. It is sort of like squeezing a rubber ball at both ends. As the earth gets hotter and the polar ice caps melt, the pressure is released and the tectonic plates get pushed around. This is causing the current increased earthquake activity --the earthquakes then cause the volcano activity and the tsunamis. So, we (the people in developing nations) caused the earthquakes in Haiti and Chille. I strongly believe that God is waiting for us all to get together and help ourselves to try and fix the problems we have caused--and we are failing miserably.
Well I think the people who are upset because you didn't make it more obvious that it was satire are kind of missing the point. You can't tell this is satire immediately because it is the kind of thing Robertson might actually say .
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Actually I tend to think of the open salon crowd as being more clever than the average bear but to be quite frank, I'm shocked at how many people cannot distinguish satire from reality. This post is satire, Pat Robertson never said these things, if that is not clear to you from reading the post your language skills could use some work.
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Pat Robertson is a fraud, he claims to be a christian but he is miles away of being one. Google Pat Roberson and you will know who is him.
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I believe the people who are distress because you didn't create it more palpable that it was spoof are type of missing the spot. You can't say to this is spoof instantly because it is the sort of thing Robertson might in fact say!
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Oh, god. Robertson's comments do get better with age. Now he's capable of offending and being insensitive with Chilean people on two of the most traumatizing events in their history at the same time. America's far political right hasn't done enough harm in South America so now they need some clown completing the job.
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It's a good thing they have קייטרינג חלבי over there, for better nutrition.
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It appears that televangelist Pat Robertson is in the thrall of Satan, according to spiritual warriors, Drs. Valerie Tarico and Marlene Winell. “It’s the only possible explanation,” said Tarico. “How else can we make sense of his repeated attempts to humiliate both God and Christianity in the wake of recent natural disasters.”

[Dr. Winell] “Demons need a host, and they can jump from one person to another,” she explained. “We know this because Jesus cast demons out of a possessed man and i...

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Yes I have,
as far as "the accuser" tag goes on Satan.
It is very well defined throughout scripture,
beginning with what may very well be the oldest of books, the Book of Job in the Old Testament.

Here Satan accuses God of over-protecting Job.

And the theological twist goes something like this - - -

Lucifer was once one of the highest and most beautiful of all the angelic hosts.

Somehow,
and we are not given the mechanics of the deal,
SIN enters into Lucifer'...

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Citing what he described as the “the persecution of a great hero who rid their land of Godless communists” as a possible cause, prominent TV evangelist and amateur seismologist Pat Robertson today argued that the 8.8 magnitude of the earthquake that struck Chile early this morning should serve as a warning to the population that “God is even angrier with them than he is with the people of Haiti.”
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Pat Robertson loves the media attention which is why he makes such off the wall comments. Without it, he wouldn't be able to continue building his financial empire. Jenny Signals - Free Forex Signals Accurate Forex Signals
“If I had to guess, I’d say it must have to do with Chile’s persecution and attempted prosecution of their great former leader, and a personal hero of mine, Augusto Pinochet – who, it should be noted, had never been convicted of a crime when the Lord called him home three years ago.” The popular host of ‘The 700 Club’ and longtime bingo circuit icon also added, “General Pinochet not only assisted the CIA in the overthrow of Chile’s Marxist government, but is widely credited with personally arranging the meetings of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of his countrymen with Jesus.”

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Pat Robertson doesn't understand tectonic plates and thinks, as someone from an earlier, pre-scientific civilization, that this is the wrath of some invented deity. I pale to think that his uneducated beliefs are shared by others. Retributive how to get rid of manboobs justice went out in Greek times. He gets my wrath everytime he utters these inane, bigoted remarks. OK, on with a joyful day!
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There is a God, one, and he wouldn't cause this.
I guess that's just some people's opinion.
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Well, the fact is that if these things were happening as a result of God being angry I think America would have been at the top of His list. Don't get me wrong, I love my country and my freedomiq but we are by no means a shining example.
GOD is not angry with the people of Haiti.
God only knows LOVE

Humans have raped and pillaged the earth, and the Earth, as well as us individuals, has Karma. It is not the Haitans that were paying for the Karma that Man has done, it is us, all of us, every Human is paying for what we have done to the Earth.

You can still stop more of this from happening. LOVE is the answer, send love to everyone and open your heart chakra and ask for forgivensess, change the world, right now, wherever you are, whatever you are doing, just ask for the light to shine through you and save the world.

Miracles can happen - don't blame the creator, this world was perfect, it was the human experience that got greedy and ruined everything by their selfishness and material greed.

Surely you can see the truth now. Let there be Light
Its good that we hear people like him spout off with the crazy. As long as people like him have a medium in which allows the rest of of us to see them for what they are we are safe. Imagine if we didn't have a 1st amendment.

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"Please note that this is fiction... Satire at best... Please notate that somewhere for it's being picked up as fact... That's NOT funny." i agree with Emyth.

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God or no God, the problem with people like these is that they have their logic backwards.
People like Robertson first find places that have suffered tragedy, THEN try to justify why they have suffered due to some "evil" that they have committed. It is done to add "proof" to their message, because after all, Chile did suffer disaster! Of course, this "proof" doesn't hold up for a second, but it doesn't matter.
It can't be the other way round, to find somewhere that is seemingly evil and wait for them to suffer disaster - there is a chance of being proven wrong.
What a terrible way to steal false credibility for your message from tragedy, senseless brutality and death.
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