Supporters of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad filed papers this week with the Federal Election Commission to form an exploratory committee in anticipation of a possible run for the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. The move, which came as a surprise to all but a handful of insiders most familiar with the inner workings of the GOP, legally allows the current Iranian President to collect and/or spend more than $5000 while “testing the waters” before formally declaring his candidacy.
Representatives for Ahmadinejad also announced plans for an upcoming lecture tour which, not coincidentally, will include stops in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina — three key early battleground states for those seeking the nomination. There are also plans in the works for him to return to the U.S. in the late summer or early fall for a book signing tour to coincide with the release of his much-anticipated autobiography, “Any Man Who Hates Catholics, Gays, and Jews Can’t Be All Bad.”
The announcement follows the results of a poll of likely Republican primary voters jointly sponsored by Fox News and Despots Weekly Magazine which was conducted between January 10th and January 16th. Results of that poll showed Ahmadinejad with solid leads over current front-runners Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin, and Mitt Romney, and trailing only the hypothetical “Somebody Kind of like Hitler but with Better Branding.”
According to renowned political strategist Grant Cartman, other candidates “… would be making a big mistake if they took an Ahmadinejad candidacy lightly.” Mr. Cartman further explained, “His most impressive numbers come from the core constituency any candidate who expects to prevail must win — namely, Tea Party supporters who find many views of their current leadership to be too extreme. While, of course, the Holocaust denial thing is a potential liability in New York, Florida, and California — admittedly important states to carry — if unemployment is still hanging around 9% or higher, it probably won’t be much of a factor.”
Among qualities those polled said they liked about the man who just eight years ago was elected mayor of Tehran were his support of “nuclear anything”, his “tough talking” style regarding perceived enemies (in particular, his talk of “obliterating Israel from the map” scored very highly), and “the fact that since he took office there are no more homosexuals in Iran.”
FreedomWorks founder Dick Armey believes an Ahmadinejad candidacy would be well received. “I never understood why the Bush administration always seemed at odds with his government — they clearly shared so many core values,” he told reporters, adding, “And frankly, I think the country is ready for an openly Muslim president.”
When asked about legal issues that might arise over Ahmadinejad having been born in Iran, Armey responded, “Like anybody else, I’m sure he’ll have no problem producing a copy of a Hawaiian birth certificate.”