The year is 2013 and Republicans have taken the senate and the White House.  My wife, June,  and I are celebrating because the dreaded Obamacare is now a thing of the past.  Being wise investors, we were deep in medical insurance and pharmaceutical stocks, so needless to say, we felt twiced blessed.  Our prayers had been answered.  We were free and we were wealthy.  God Bless America! 

Suddenly, our younger daughter ran downstairs.  "Julie is not moving and it looks like she threw up!"  

Julie was our older daughter, and quite the prankster.  We figured this was one of her little stunts to get attention until we entered her room and smelled the distinctive odor of vomit. Julie was breathing and had a weak pulse, according to my wife who had taken a first aid course.  

"I think we need to take Julie to an emergency room", my wife said, "Let's start shopping!" 

"Right!", I replied, "I'll get on line and check out our options, see what deals there are today.   Maybe someone is running a special.  Does Priceline or Expedia have an ambulance option?"  All these thoughts went through my head as I surfed the web looking for the best deal in ambulance transportation. Unlike our commie pinko socialist friends in Canada, Europe and most of the western world, we would not have to take the government ambulance to the hospital and have some else force their decision on us - no way!  This is America, I reminded myself.

While I shopped for an ambulance, my wonderful wife started to research the various hospital options we had.  Price was a serious consideration because when Julie was born, June and I were young and inexperienced and neglected to purchase insurance - and Julie was born with a pre-existing condition.  So, her insurance, while available, was priced so high that we could not afford it.  We learned our lesson with our second child and purchased insurance prior to her birth.  And that's what's so great about free market capitalism, we discovered.   There is constant improvement, as mistakes lead to the development of better products and in our case, better care for our second daughter.  

"There are so many hospitals to choose from" Julie beamed as she looked through all the websites at the local facilities, "Isn't it great to be in America!  Now I just need to figure out what Julie has so we send her to the right place at the right price.  It's probably an allergic reaction, maybe she's got epilepsy.  I’m not sure.  I think I saw a similar condition on House and I can tell from that episode that this is definitely not Lupus."  

Finally, I settled on a ambulance service that gave me the best deal, complete with a discount on multiple trips if Julie's condition was chronic.  Plus, this ambulance service had the added bonus of a complete refund of all charges if Julie dies on the way to the hospital.  Let's see that Euro socialist medical care match that!  

June, after hours of research and countless calls to the hospitals, found a hospital that was running a special on patients with gastro intestinal illness, and since we had saved the vomit in a bag, we qualified for the discount.  

Finally, it was time to crunch the numbers and make sure we had enough cash on hand.  Julie's sister was keeping an eye on her and from what we could tell; Julie was hanging tough, as every true patriot can.  

Then the phone rang and it was more good news!  One of the hospitals June had contacted called us to see if we had made a buying decision yet.  We said we were still shopping, and played this close to the vest.  As it turned out, the sales at that hospital were   down that day and their sales manager needed one more patient to make his quota and win a sales contest that would win him a vacation in Bermuda.  They discounted the total fees 25% and after some shrewd bargaining on my part, agreed to match the deal we had with the ambulance company.  Now if Julie dies in the ambulance or the hospital, it will not cost us a dime.  God was working miracles.  

The hospital faxed us the contract and we signed and returned it.  The ambulance arrived a little late, seems that they supplement their earnings by delivering pizza during downtime.  What a great idea, I thought; I should invest in that company. 

Arriving at the hospital, the first thing the doctors wanted to do was run a lot of tests. 

"No way," I protested, "I know you guys are just trying to sell me stuff I don't need.  Now let's see you sharpen your pencil and let's make a deal." 

Meanwhile, Julie continued to vomit in the waiting room, but we were okay with that.  We thought ahead and brought along our own emesis basin.  No way were we going to pay retail for that!

In time, we learned that Julie was suffering from food poisoning.  It must have been that seafood bisque she ate last night.  It turned out that the company that makes the stuff in China has a different understanding of what seafood is that we have in the USA, and because the Republicans also removed much of the job costing Big Brother regulations on private business(Praise God), there was no inspection of the product of the production facilities in China.  You should have seen the look on poor Julie's face when she learned that what she actually ate was seagull.   And that's just another great thing about free market capitalism, I thought to myself, now we will vote with our wallets and never by White Feather Seafood Bisque again!  We don't need government to save us from ourselves.   

In a few hours, Julie was feeling better and we headed to the cashier to see what the damages were.  While the total was enough to wipe out all our savings and means that I will not be able to retire until I am 105 now that Social Security is now a thing of the past (Praise the Lord!), it's all worth it.  

At least we remain free Americans and did not have to deal with that horrid Obamacare!