Almost a month ago, after another fight with L., I packed up two suitcases and came over to my parents' townhouse. (They moved to assisted living about a year ago so the place has been empty since then--Lord knows I'll get to them later as things have SO changed.)
I don't want to be whiny. Honestly, I just want to log back on here and say I have sorely missed you and I've got to write every day or I will go crazy and I"m going to try to spew out my feelings but in a thinking way and I will so very much appreciate your, not necessarily your support, but your comments, good or bad.
I've been reading pertinent stuff like mad, the universe has been sending messages, and I today have had the absolute shittiest day ever. I cried about myself, about my husband, about my father, about my mother, and then I came home to this place on the lake and its gifts (though it was dark already, dang it, but yesterday while sweeping up 13 bags of leaves and pine straw I heard ducks squeaking instead of quacking and heard the beat of heavy wing that made me look to see cormorants taking off from the water) and the gifts my god-provided best friend (BFF for real for 38 years) have given me: shipments of DVDs for the forty dollar DVD player L's sister told me to buy day 4; stereo thingie BFF sent last week to put my iPod in so I have music; and then also I have internet because my sister said GET IT so I have wireless for my school=provided laptop, and fuck me, Obama just sent me, not my dad, why me? a $250 check for his donut hole so I have some cash to spend since all my $$ goes to paying my former life's household bills since my husband's landscaping biz is in the toilet.
Oh shut me up. But I'm posting every day and this is my first post, and I am back and I'm going to poetry class tomorrow and by god I will have a poem by 7 p.m.
Please help me by being nice, being a crank, straightening me out, welcoming me back, whatever. I've so missed you but have not had the opportunity to communicate since I got blocked at work and my home life would not permit it.
God I sound like such a baby. Watch me grow stronger--I DARE YOU.