Did you see Rick Santorum today? Did you hear him yesterday? A year ago? A decade ago?

Look: I’ve had little to say about this recent (very manufactured, very cynical) hysteria about womens’ right to not have their private parts and personal volition subject to what a bunch of old fruits in costumes and out-of-touch, self-loathing (likely closeted) politicians determine, based wholly on words that explicitly do not appear in the bible.

What can/should anyone say that public outrage and the fact that it’s 2012 won’t take care of?

Aside from how poorly it will continue to play, politically, these outrages represent a real opportunity (and this is important: it will play poorly politically not because of spin, or the media, or astute campaign messaging but because these opinions –and the bills they are attempting to produce– are equal parts antiquated, offensive and calculated to appeal to an ever-shrinking base of true believers). Speaking of shrinkage, wouldn’t it be nice to see some of these freaks put their money where their hard-ons aren’t and get equally fired up about banning erectile dysfunction meds? Lots of senior citizens popping those pills in the hopes of procreation, right? Of course, the hypocrisy of religious men (and women) is literally too long and disgusting to catalog, so let it suffice to say that this ship has sailed, and condolences to you all as you live out the rest of your bitter, backward lives listening to the anti-siren song of progress, evolution and tolerance. I hope it continues to hurt your ears in equal proportion to how happy it makes my eyes, and heart. Who’s with me?

(Incidentally, don’t give this cretin an ounce of credit for belatedly backing off the bill that should never have been brought forth in the first place. It is disgraceful –and what an embarrassment to my state this idiot is– that this clown shoes lunatic fringe has felt sufficiently emboldened in recent weeks to get their Medieval on. On the other hand, that noise you don’t hear is the satisfying silence of cowardly retreat and that noise you do hear is the unified uproar of women (and men) who are appalled that this could possibly be a conversation piece in 2012. That he turned tail so quickly shows how opportunistic and shameless everything about this “controversy” has been. That he –and his imbecilic compatriots– thought for one moment that they were on the right side of (take your pick) history, sanity, or respectability (in 2012!) shows not only how obtuse, but willfully out of touch these jackasses really are. Let’s hope the chorus of sanity grows louder still and what was obviously conceived as a winning diversion (HA!) turns out to be an overdue rallying cry for the types of people who were supine or asleep enough to let an immoral vandal like Bob McDonnell get elected in the first place. For anyone still not paying attention: consider this a painful but necessary wake-up call.)

Similarly, my take on the recent contraception contretemps can be boiled down to one sardonic observation, which I offer with maximum disdain: If adolescent boys could get pregnant, the Catholic Church would be passing out birth control with the communion wafers.

On a happier note, did you catch Obama last night? If not, some video below.

The election comes down to all sorts of factors, but in terms of who “gets” it, who is “real”, who is contemporary, who is in touch and who can inspire progress, would you rather have a president who hangs out with blues legends and community organizers, or a president who pals around with bishops and lobbyists?

The “choice” is yours. 

(See what I did there?)