I think I saw a hint of grey.
I didn’t notice it yesterday.
And so I debate:
Cover it?
Smother it?
Cry?
Deny?
Erase it?
Embrace it?
After all….
It’s just a hint of grey up there.
Atop my head, in my hair!
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I wonder why I can’t move.  Move out.  Move on.  Move up.  Move down.  It’s a simple concept.  Put one foot in front of the other and move.  

I look down at my feet, certain I’ll see shackles.  Or cement, concrete maybe.   My feet tra… Read full post »

I sit here staring at the two bottles of White Zinfandel.  And the three cases of diet soda.  And two shakers of Mrs. Dash along with a shaker of salt substitute.  A bag of lentil beans. Washcloths….yes, washcloths.  Collected for a trip planned.  A trip that will not… Read full post »

She always knew.  She had tucked it away long ago.  Stuck it deep in the recesses of her mind.  But she always knew.  She discovered evidence shortly after they married.  She confronted him….gently.  He assured her all was well.  Nothing to be concerned about… Read full post »

I convince myself I'm okay.
Tell myself I've let all that go.
I smile, I laugh, I dance, I sing.
And then I feel it....my chest tightens.
I struggle to breathe.
I attempt to run, hide from it.
But it creeps up behind me,
I feel it's cold, damp hands encircle my neck.
I scream but no one hears… Read full post »

Dear Jimmy Buffet,

 While I'm grateful you're gracing my beloved Gulf Coast with a free concert to bring much needed tourism dollars to our area, I'd appreciate it if you would keep your personal politics to yourself.  I'm old enough to remember the many years you shunned your hometown. &nb… Read full post »

And so the girl decided
To be quiet.
For the more she said,
The less the boy understood.
And the gulf between them
Grew so wide,
He couldn’t hear her anyway.
So what was the point?
And so the girl decided
To be quiet…..
Read full post »

Be gentle.

Whisper.

This heart is

Fragile.

Fractured, but

Not broken.

Marked boldly

In black:

"HANDLE WITH CARE"

There were four of us, four girls growing up in a house with one bathroom!!  ONE!!!  I suppose it was a blessing we weren’t girly girls.  
 
Diane would be 50 this year....she died at 39, much too young.  Her death affected me deeply.  Part of my metamorphosis can be… Read full post »

When I decided to blog, with the encouragement of my BFF Wendy, I looked at some of the pieces I’ve written the last couple of years.  It occurred to me how despondent and depressed and suicidal I appear.  I assure you I’m not…..I love myself way too much to ever contempl
…

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Alarm shrieks.  4:45 a.m.
Shit….hit snooze.  Hit snooze.  Hit snooze.  
5:15 a.m.  Roll out…pee pee.  
Coffee….make coffee.  Boil eggs.  Three.  210 calories.
Make sandwich, turkey on wheat, mustard no mayo.  200 calories.
Can of green… Read full post »

He kisses me goodbye.
Every night
Without fail.
But that's all.

No hugs.
No passionate kisses.
No holding hands.
No brushing the hair off my face.
No longing looks.

We sleep in the same bed.
He on his side,
Me on mine.
Clinging to the edge.
Wanting him to touch me,
Afraid that he might.
For I have forgotten,
What hi… Read full post »

I feel the bile once again rising in my throat.
I’ve fought it, really I have……..
But like a raging river it rises again,
Consuming me, smothering me, until
It becomes me…….
Defines me…….
Becomes the one thing I really know.
Like a bad lover I continue to embr… Read full post »

I come from a family of four girls.  Diane would be 50 this year, Pam 46, and Lori 42.  I’m next to the oldest….48.   

My mother was a stay at home mom, didn't drive, very dependent on Daddy.  Daddy was a mechanic, grease monkey…drank too much, stayed out t… Read full post »

I am wandering into the deep end
He knows I can’t swim.
I’ve told him that many times.
But yet he’s not stopping me,
Nor is he coming in behind me.

Is it because of the things I’ve said?
“I’m not looking to be saved”….
“Or rescued”……… Read full post »

I remember the day I eloped, almost 27 years ago.  The mix of excitement and fear as I embarked on this new journey.  The mixing of two people, all that we were and all that we hoped to be.  

 I remember carefully packing my things, moving from my parents home… Read full post »