I remember the day I eloped, almost 27 years ago.  The mix of excitement and fear as I embarked on this new journey.  The mixing of two people, all that we were and all that we hoped to be.  

 I remember carefully packing my things, moving from my parents home to what would be "our" home.  I collected clowns....happy ones, sad ones, scared ones....ceramic, glass, framed.   My clowns would have a new home too....proudly displayed for all to enjoy.  

 I remember the day I began unwrapping my clowns.  Elation quickly turning to disappointment as I was told there was no room for my clowns.  For you see, my new husband collected ducks.  Wooden ones, brass ones, ceramic ones.  Framed ducks everywhere.  Clowns were silly I was told....better suited for children.  

When I became pregnant 3 years later I was given permission to do the nursery in clowns.  But I had little say in which clowns were suitable....most were not.  What could I possibly know about decorating a nursery?  No, that pleasure was enjoyed by others. 

Through the years I've lost track of my clowns.  I have no idea where they are....packed away in a closet?  Given away?  Sold in a yard sale?  I have no idea for I gave up long ago....

 As my almost 27 year marriage comes to an end I think about my clowns.  It saddens me I wasn't strong enough back in those early years to make certain demands.   And so I make myself a promise.....I will no longer be silent.  I will not ever again give up so much of me in order to make someone else happy. 

 I vow to be the voice for every clown....no matter how happy, or sad, or afraid.....for the clown is just as worthy as those damned ducks.  You are good enough to be displayed....I am good enough.....