Misandry is most often defined as the hatred of men, but sometimes it can be defined as the hatred of That Which a Man Represents.  In other words, sometimes it’s not the man himself being hated on, but the gender role that he is expected to fulfill.

     I mentioned in my post On Misogyny: Stop Being Such a Pussy that my mother left my father when I was 4.  My sister and I were left to be raised by a somewhat overbearing and very controlling father.  I was teased incessantly when I was a kid by other boys.  I was not a ‘boy’ at all in their eyes.  Boys did things like play little league and tease girls.  Since I did neither of these, I had set myself up to be hated on by other boys in my school.

     And I hated them back.  Because they were boys.  Girls never treated me that way.

     When I was very young, I learned of the concept of reincarnation.  Children will believe just about anything you tell them until they develop a sense of cynicism.  I believed that I had chosen this new body, and I couldn’t figure out why.  Girls were treated much nicer by adults.  Girls smelled good and got to wear pretty clothes.  Me, I got work boots when I was 10 and got to mow the lawn as soon as I was big enough to push the mower without it rolling back over me.  When I was a kid, I HATED being a boy.

     My dad raised us mostly by himself, so as soon as I was big enough, I took on as much of the man’s role as possible, while my dad tried to swing being the mom.  He was not entirely successful.  Remember that movie “Mr. Mom” with Michael Keaton?  Well, it wasn’t all hilarity with the dishwasher overflowing and my dad running from the vacuum cleaner, that’s for sure.

     As a young teen, I grew to not only hate being male, but I began to hate males.  My father was the first man I hated, simply because he was a man.  I felt for sure that if my parents’ roles had been reversed, my life would have been so much more tolerable.  I soon began to really dislike every boy/man I ran into.  Men were crass, crude and uncaring.  They certainly didn’t care about me.  They encouraged me to fit into the traditional male role (oh, just walk it off!) while letting me know that it was entirely unacceptable to display female traits (boys don’t cry!).

     I have always been an independent person.  I hated being forced into a box, even though I didn’t fully comprehend the box I was being fit into.  They were forcing me to be one way, and I hated being forced to do anything.

     As an adult, I realized, after much introspection, that I did not hate men after all.  What I hated was the male gender role.  Men are raised to be one way and not another way.  Men are (generally speaking) raised by other men (usually the father).  Fathers are brought up thinking one way (a way that’s usually outdated by the time their first son is born) and they, in turn, raise their sons that same way, thinking “Hey, I turned out OK.”  The thing is, they didn’t turn out OK at all.  They were conditioned into thinking that they were one way and one way only.  Society conditions them such.  Men are basically taught to abuse their sons into submission.  By physical violence or psychological shame, either way creates the same result:  Another fucked up man, who will probably fuck up their son as well.

     Think of these things:  A man in a skirt.  A man wearing eyeliner and fingernail polish.  A man crying (no, Glenn Beck doesn’t count).  A man comforting a hurt child.  A man showing compassion for the weak.  A married man turning down a sexual proposition from a young single woman.  A man allowing his wife to be hit on without causing a fist fight.  A male feminist.  If you are any of these things, you are either a social outcast or the messiah (and, by the way, why does the messiah always have to be a male role?).  As a man, those are really your only two options.  Because society says so. 

     I say differently.  I cry.  I show compassion for the weak.  I will never cheat on my wife.  I consider myself a feminist.  Am I less of a man because of this attitude?  NO!

     I hate being male.  I hate that when people look at me on the street, they see the male gender role, not me. 

     Why can’t I just be a person, with no societal expectations of prior programming?