I'd like to bring your attention to a crippling disorder that is afflicting millions of North Americans every day. It's called DOA--Delayed Onset Adulthood. You've probably never heard of it, but neither have 99% of the people who are suffering from this heartbreaking disease.

DOA is a spectrum disorder that most commonly strikes men and women between the ages of 25 and 40. Its symptoms, which range in severity from only occasionally noticeable to completely debilitating, are varied. Some DOA sufferers are incapable of self-regulating or of making even the simplest decisions on their own without checking in with their entire Facebook or blog cohort; others have completely lost perspective on reality, preferring instead to continue to believe they are as special as their parents told them they are, and that they will indeed eventually become the next big thing on the indie music scene despite the fact that they work in an office and haven't touched their Casio keyboard in over 18 months, and then only to look for some rolling papers.

But there is a cure. A simple procedure, called a cranio-rectal extraction, relieves virtually all symptoms of DOA. So if you or someone you love is suffering from DOA, don't hesitate. Call us now. We can help. 1-888-HEAD-OUT.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by FUCUP (Federation for Underachievers Coping with Unrealized Potential).