Okay. Let’s see. Clean diapers, fresh outfit? Check. Spare diapers, wipes and outfit in shoulder bag? Check. You, Pokey, strapped snug in carseat, with blankets to keep you warm? Check. Carseat snapped to stroller thing? Check. Bright, sunny, brisk Friday? Check. We’re all set.

Now let&r… Read full post »

It’s three in the afternoon and they’re down for the count, in the bedroom, with the lights out, the blinds closed and the rain and chill outside. Before she zonked, she told me what a great afternoon this would be for a nap. I said, ‘So take a nap then.’ She… Read full post »

So we’re at Santa’s Village, right? We’re riding the ornaments, the ones that spin around the tree, me and Glen, I’m eight and he’s six, I look over and … and … and …

Hey. Listen, Pokey. You’re my kid and you’re all right and everything,/… Read full post »

(zzzzz)

What’s that face. Look. Look at his face. What’s that face he’s making. It looks like he’s in pain or has … ah. I bet it’s an ‘I’m gonna poop’ face, and I bet … yep, there he goes, he’s … yep, he’s pooping, that&… Read full post »

6:45 – She gets me outta bed to tell me ‘something’s happening.’

6:51 – After downing a coffee, I ask her what the hell’s that mean, ‘Something’s happening.’ She tells me what the hell that means. I feel funny on the inside.

6:54 – Wife-as… Read full post »

She must not’ve realized how petty I am. She must not’ve been aware of the fact that if she does something I tell her she cannot do, then yes, I am not above going to her and standing in front of her and telling her that she cannot do what she… Read full post »

“Is it okay if I go home.”

- You just got here.

“I forgot something.”

- What’d you forget.

“My textbooks. Be back in half an hour.”

- You gonna study?

“It’s slow.”

- You just got here.

“So?”

- How do… Read full post »

1. Watch Friday Night Lights premiere Wednesday night.

2. Identify and do something bout horrible smell in ladies’ bathroom.

3. Talk to Stinkhead bout his stupid brother who keeps yelling whenever he drinks that one too many and then Saturday night, he brought in his horrible fiancé wh… Read full post »

ME. Hey, you know, I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t hafta but I gotta.

HER. Do you know for how long?

ME. Til things pick up. Maybe round the holidays. I dunno.

HER. But you’ll still need me Saturdays and Sundays.

ME. Yeah. Oh yeah. You’re still… Read full post »

I wish I had more time to spend with you. I’d like to tell you how we have all the clothes he’ll need until he’s three, thanks to the generosity of a few people we only kinda sorta know. Wife-asaurus and I were faces with piles and piles and piles of/… Read full post »

“If someone told your father to go fuck himself, it’s the first I ever heard of it.”

- There was that chamber of commerce guy.

“He didn’t say go fuck yourself, he called your father a goddamn sonofabitching asshole.”

- We might be splitting semantic hairs on thi… Read full post »

We have cookies on the dessert menu cause a buncha you complained that six dollars is too much to pay for dessert (not true, but hey) or the desserts themselves are too big, heavy, rich (perhaps true of … half the menu, but not the pies, no way the pies). Jimmy… Read full post »

Someone called me Lou Dobbs the other day, which I thought unfair. Now, I’m no expert on Lou Dobbs. I’ve never actually sat down to spend time with the man. When his show is on, we mute the volume. But the closed captioning is on cause our televisions are broken so… Read full post »

I’m so sorry, bout so many different things. I don’t even know where to begin. You’re not even here, yet, and I’m already sorry for the ways in which the deck’ll be stacked against you. You get here, and then it’s practically more or less all downhill. Sorry, Kid.… Read full post »

I could leave. I could chuck all this, walk away from it, all of it. Leave and never look back. Jimmy’s got an asshole friend who sniffs around with a view to buying in. (Why he would want to do this is beyond me. Maybe he hates himself.)

He was… Read full post »

We’re cracked up to be many things. All of which we are. Not many places can say that with a straight face, because most places will fail to live up to expectations. Our face is straight when we say it, cause we’ve managed to lower expectations to the point where there’s… Read full post »

Morning. You want a decaf? I found an English Breakfast decaf at the back of the tea thing. You want one? Okay, well, if you don’t want one, don’t make me make you one, but if you do, I don’t mind making you one, so … just lemme know? I …/… Read full post »

Right now, the easiest way to find our place is to drive round the north side til you find the guy who’s standing on the front stoop wondering what the happened to the normal Wednesday lunch crowd. Seriously. We typically do sixty to seventy at lunch. Today, we’re stuck at twenty-eight.… Read full post »

Well, I’m in a shitty mood today. Grumpy as all get-out. Might have something to do with an ex coming in Saturday night. She came in, sat down, I recognized her straight away, looked at her, smiled and ran fast as I could downstairs when I realized she hadn’t a clue… Read full post »

Lord, I don’t believe in You, and I haven’t since Catholic priests beat the snot outta me in high school. But in these troubling times, fraught as they are, a man like me can afford to take no chances. So where do I turn? To You, Lord, even though I don’t… Read full post »

Everyone needs to give this kid a break cause he’s not a bad kid. He’s, in fact, a good kid. It’s a crying shame he also happens to be the world’s shittiest busboy, cause no one sees what a good kid he is when they look at him. They look at/… Read full post »

Laura lives between me and the restaurant. This is no observation. I’ve known it since I moved. But yesterday, when she showed up, she informed me that she saw me walk past that morning. She informed me that if I had just looked to my right, I woulda seen her ‘doing… Read full post »

“How did you know I’d be awake.”

- You’re always up by six.

“Fleegle has to go out. He’s on a schedule, you know.”

- Fleegle? Fleegle doesn’t get outta bed til eight.

“His bladder’s getting tricky. If I don’t get him out of bed and… Read full post »

Look. A lot goes on in Jason’s mind. It may not look like it. May look like he’s just looking out the window, but he’s not. Well, he is. He is looking out the window, but he’s got a lot on his mind when he’s doing it. Okay? So just you/… Read full post »

I can’t believe I wasted months resisting the urge to get me one of these fantastic iPod touches. Months! What was I thinking. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking, not at all, or if I was, then it was the thinking of either an idiot, a lunatic or someone who’s just not thinking/… Read full post »