doesn't make much sense to take 'em out to dinner first in the first place. here, or someplace fancier or even just wendy's over on the corner over there. dunno. seems like a waste of precious time. and you know they're paying for all the time, so ... yeah, i'd think the meter'd start running soon as you picked her up or she got dropped off, whichever.

hah, yeah, maybe ... maybe they GOTTA take 'em out to dinner first, maybe it's now part of that terms and conditions box you have to check that you've read and agreed to before you can proceed with your oder or payment or whatever. hah. right. i hereby agree i will take her out to a meal first.

well, no, i've never seen an escort website before, i'm only saying you see the terms and conditions box all the ... no, i don't KNOW for a FACT that they ordered these women online. i'm just ... no, no, there's still the yellow pages ... there's ... yeah, the classifieds ... still find escorts in the ...

no, they have to be escorts, they gotta be, and i'm not one of those guys who thinks that every woman is an escort. i'm not like that. you know me. when have i ever said there's a couple escorts here in the restaurant. yeah, but only that one time and i wasn't the only one who thought that, either.

but as god is my witness, there's no way the woman at nine and the woman at fourteen are anything other than paid escorts to those guys. you can't tell me that fourteen and nine are actual couples. nope. no, they ... no, they gotta be escorts. cause they are both very good looking, and the guys are decidedly not.

no, i know, but this goes well beyond looks aren't everything. and besides, when was the last time someone walked in here looking like that wearing a skirt like that. huh? never. barely covers anything, barely not indecent exposure, and he's just wearing a beer shirt. and the other one's not dressed like a slouch either, she's no female oscar madison, and she's playing footsy with his crotch under the table. yeah, but he's got sweatpants on. she's dressed to the nines, he's got sweatpants on, yet still she can't help playing footsy with his groinal area. when was the last time that happened?

exactly, cause it's not a sexy place, not a romantic place. it's just a place for food. no ambience going on here. charm, yeah, sure, charm all over, but it's a rough and ready kinda charm. not putting anyone in any kind of amorous mood.

did you catch the look when fourteen walked in? she walked in ahead of him, she stopped at nine for a chat, she knew the woman at nine, and the guy sitting at nine looked all embarrassed, he wouldn't look up, he was blushing like all get out. and the guy with fourteen kept looking out the window, like anything on the street is ever worth looking at. cars? cars going by real fast? or coming to a stop if the light's not green? who looks at those. no one except guys with escorts apparently.

no, no, no, what i THINK was going on was the guy at nine was embarrassed cause he figured out real quick that the two women were ... i dunno ... whadya call two women from the same escort agency. co-workers? colleagues? or just fellow escorts. i dunno. but i think he realized what was going on, and SO realized the guy with fourteen knew that the guy with nine was in the company of an escort. that's what i think.

well, i wouldn't be embarrassed either, specially round another guy with an escort cause where would the guy with fourteen get off looking down his nose at a guy with an escort. they both have escorts. you know?

hell, it'd hafta be awkward, wouldn't it? even if they were both in the same boat, lovelife-wise, it's still not a particularly enjoyable boat. let's face it. very few people CHOOSE to be in that boat. it's kinda like that boat out of necessity. or by default. i dunno, you know what i mean. odds are they wouldn't be in that boat unless they had to be, that's what i'm trying to say.

who knew it'd be so difficult to articulate one's thoughts about escorts and the men who avail themselves of escort-services.

hey, i never really had reason to consider where i stood on the whole escort thing. not til these two guys strolled in. but now that i seem to be on a tangent here ...

(what, am i wasting your time? not like you got anything better to do ... your side work's all done, don't have any tables ... i'm not wasting your time, so just ... no, i don't REALLY think they're escorts, i'm just ... it's a slow night ...)

member when jimmy took that big long vacation of his few weeks ago where he kept saying he was coming back but didn't come back for a real long time? i put in like a thousand hours that week, and believe me, all i had the energy to do was go home and crash. now if that was my life all the time, if i was some kinda ambitious go getter working a ton of hours or if i had to work all the time just to make ends meet, and i didn't have a girlfriend? i would find it very difficult to meet someone, and maybe the thought of ...

well, no, i'm not saying i WOULD, please, i'm not, i ... no, i ... no, what i'm saying is i can UNDERSTAND it ... i ... 

then you are not being honest with yourself, steve, if you cannot even conceive of one conceivable set of circumstances that could conceivably eventuate in you going online and ordering up yourself a nice little escort for an evening. hell, you're married with kids and every time some halfway-decent woman comes in you turn into the country wolf from the cartoon. all drooling and hyperventilating and you can't control yourself, steve, every once in a while i hafta pull you away from a table of lovelies, remind you that you have other customers, so don't tell me there's no way in hell that you would ever stoop so low as to ...

no, no, the country wolf was out of control first. then the city wolf turned into the country wolf at the end. yeah, when he saw that female country wolf. he wasn't the cool city wolf anymore, now was he. all high and mighty above it all til he laid his eyes upon that super-hot country wolf, then he went horny-berserk. yep. that's the whole moral of the cartoon. uh-huh.

and i'm saying you might, steve, i'm saying you might. well, then, you're lying to yourself, you're pulling the wool over your very own eyes.