no time this week, as i'm moving and it's way more time consuming than i thought. SO, here's just a buncha things i had to say the past week or so. i really wish i didn't hafta say 'em. yet, i had to say 'em just the same.

"no, we are not a lettuce entertain you restaurant. never have been, never will be."

"what, you cops got something against flushing the toilet now?"

"we can't make the pasta salad with those kindsa tomatoes, jim."

"have you been drinking, jason?"

"hey, everyone! look who's on time! it's herman!"

"alan. that table ain't gonna wait itself, buddy."

"it's almost as if the world conspires against me."

"i'm pretty sure she knows what the word bazongas means, steve, and i'm pretty sure she hears you complimenting hers."

"what you just said makes absolutely no sense."

"first come, first serve is kinda how we operate."

"the specials aren't very."

"what's that smell i'm smelling. is that smell i'm smelling us? are WE that smell?"

"you can't stand there ... you can't stand there, either ... no, not even in the doorway ... i need you to go back to your table now, sir."

"when i say ten, i don't mean ten thirty."

"that's kinda sorta what you get for putting four quarters into a broken parking meter."

"hey, do me a favor, make sure nineteen's still awake, would you?"

"no, (squirrel)'s not here right now. would you like to leave a message."

"what's the point of cutting you if you just keep taking tables."

"it's been 2009 for almost four whole months."

"common sense just flew out the fucking window, apparently."

"yes, mom, i can still have children."

BONUS:

this is most of the mexican i know. i practiced the other night, when i was the emergency dishwasher. if you saw a tall gangly white guy, a 'gringo' if you will, pushing a cart from the front to the back, mumbling in mexican, that was me and you've found our place, and my cover is blown. (the mexican's translated to english, by the way.)

"hey, man, how are you, man, are you okay, man? i'm okay, you're okay, they're okay, we're okay. much respect. you are my friend. you are the devil. i don't like it in my butt. you are a rare type, that's for sure. where is the soap. four glasses at nine. uh-oh, monkey, uh-oh. of course. only so-so. we are so fucking busy, do you know? my name is your worst nightmare. george lopez is not good. two bags, please, thank you very much, you're welcome very much. handsome, ugly, fat, thin, tall, short. midget power. i have hunger. i am tired and drunk. it is cold and hot outside. that dude is crazy, that bitch is crazy, they are crazy. we have pencils in the bathroom. look, look, look. in my kitchen, there is much budweiser."

"sweet peas. pork rinds. brave potatoes. i will buy a new car tomorrow. i am very stupid, i am not intelligent. eight friends are here. i would like very much to poop. who left the door open? my grandmother goes to school with my uncle who is her son. i am a supporter of the blue cross football team. mexico is a great country. do not eat the last chicken. george talks too much. george is always talking. they are stupid americans at table ten and five. hello, mexicans, who is ready for much working tonight. you cannot park there. yes we can! shoes, ball, hat, pants, shirt, donkey. stupid jerk. jesus christ mary mother of god oh my god. full of shit piece of shit bullshit. listen and then repeat. do you have any questions?"