“How did you know I’d be awake.”

- You’re always up by six.

“Fleegle has to go out. He’s on a schedule, you know.”

- Fleegle? Fleegle doesn’t get outta bed til eight.

“His bladder’s getting tricky. If I don’t get him out of bed and to the yard, I’m washing Fleegle tinkle from the sheets.”

(Except for the time he peed on Santa’s leg and a few times when dad first got him and Fleegle was still skittish so he peed on the kitchen floor a few times, he’s always had pretty good control in the pee department. Once, when my dad was real sick but hospice let him come home for a night before they took him for the last … week or so of his life, Fleegle got so rattled by seeing what’d … become of the old man, and how … out of it he was, and how … different he smelled with all the sickness and chemo, that Fleegle peed all over mom’s bed. The next morning, after I’d seen the old man safely delivered to the hospice, I went home and she was in the laundry room. She told me to strip the bed because Fleegle tinkled. I asked, since when does Fleegle pee inside. She told me just get the fucking sheets already.)

“And why are you up so early. It’s five by you.”

- Couldn’t sleep.

“Is (Wife-asaurus) asleep?”

- Sleeping the sleep of the undead.

“Pregnant women need sleep.”

- I should wake her up, piss her off.

“She might not take too kindly to that.”

- What is life without risk, mom.

“Don’t I know it.”

- You, after all, risked when you answered the phone.

“Where are you?”

- Den. Where are you?

“Lanai.”

- Hey. Did I tell you that five-dollar-for-everything-on-the-menu place closed?”

“It doesn’t seem the most practical idea in the world.”

- I was amazed they lasted long as they did.

“You know, there’s one just down the road.”

- An everything five dollar place?

“It’s just down the road. Right before you get to the hotdog wagon.”

(For years, the family vacationed in the town to which she wound up retiring. After Glen and I had gone on to college then adulthood – his adulthood’s way more adulthood than my adulthood – she and the old man continued the tradition. The last few years of his life, he noticed a hot dog wagon that kept changing hands. No one could make a go of it. He joked that he should take the damn thing over and show ‘em how it’s done. Then the jokes became more like talk, the talk became more like serious considerations, the serious considerations became more like plans. Then he got sick and all that crap just kinda fell by the wayside.)

“… And two strip malls down from there is this fantastic little Italian joint. A small little mom and pop. Remember where the Jewish deli was?”

- The one that had the tongue in the case?

“These Italians took it over. I go with Gina at least once a week.”

- Whadya get.

“Well, you know her. Pasta and seafood.”

- That’s disgusting.

“What else does she ever get.”

- What about you.

“They do a meat sauce that’s out of this world.”

- Oh yeah?

“Out of this world. But I can only eat half. So I bring home the other half and Fleegle attacks me soon as I walk in the door.”

- You go anywhere else?

“Only the usual spots.”

- You only go with Gina, or you got others you go with.

“Gina’s not my only friend.”

- They all women, your friends? Or do you have friends that are boy.

“It’s too early in the morning for you.”

- Gotta boyfriend yet?

“Does Mr. King Frog count?”

- If he’s ever your boyfriend, I’ll kill myself.

“I’ll be way ahead of you.”

- He’s got money, though.

“The world hasn’t enough money to make him my boyfriend. If I’m going for rich, I’m going for Dr. McGann.”

- Oh, he’s an idiot, he’s like two feet tall.

“He’s over five.”

- You two together’d be like Mutt and Jeff.

“I’d be Mutt.”

- And he’d be Jeff, so …

“We could be Krazy Kat and Ignatz.”

- Which one was the one that made it unrequited.

“Well, Ignatz threw the bricks.”

- Wasn’t there a dog?

“Mm. Mm-hm. A dog who was also a policeman.”

- How’d he fit into the whole thing.

“He didn’t like Ignatz throwing bricks.”

- Why’s he throwing bricks, anyway.

“Don’t know that it was ever explained.”

- He just threw bricks?

“Far as I know.”

- Huh. Well.

“So.”

- So. Anyway …

“Anyway …”

(There is a silence now. Into every conversation a little silence must fall, I guess. Though I don’t mind. I used to. The silences made me uncomfortable. I filled the air with … chatter. You could practically hear her holding the phone away from her ear. Now, hey, what’s a little silence every now and then.)

“What’s that you’re sipping.”

- Who says I’m sipping anything.

“You’re sucking in air.”

- Coffee.

“Are you using his mug?”

- Indeed I am.

“It was his favorite mug.”

- As it’s now mine. I don’t even keep it on the same shelf with the other mugs. It has its own shelf. The middle one. To it, I make formal and elaborate gestures of obeisance.

“What’s wrong with you.”

- How much time you got.

“Can you believe Glen thought for even a second he’d get that mug and not you? Glen should have known there was no way you’d fork it over.”

- That’s cause Glen’s a dick.

“You shouldn’t call your brother a dick.”

(The old man’s favorite ever coffee mug is one he stole from his favorite ever diner. He was particular bout his corned beef hash to the point of being a dick. The diner he made his favorite was the only diner that served corned beef hash he deemed satisfactory. And when he discovered they didn’t mind popping two slices of buttered rye under the broiler to toast it for him, he damn near plotzed from orgiastic glee.)

“Is it coffee or tea in the mug.”

- Tea’s only in the afternoons, mom.

“Oh, yes, that’s right. That’s right.”

(But back to the mug. He stole it, and even though he claimed, he swore up and down, he didn’t mean to, no one believed him. not for a second. Because, you see, he’d been joking bout stealing a mug for a few years, and in fact had stolen mugs from other places, among them, a Waffle House and a Davis Brothers Cafeteria in Georgia. So him claiming to have lifted a mug on accident’s a bit like the boy who cried wolf, but in reverse.)