(zzzzz)

What’s that face. Look. Look at his face. What’s that face he’s making. It looks like he’s in pain or has … ah. I bet it’s an ‘I’m gonna poop’ face, and I bet … yep, there he goes, he’s … yep, he’s pooping, that’s poop all right, smell that? That’s his poop so now we know that’s what that face was. That face was his poop face so when his brow furrows and his eyes cross a bit and he looks like he’s trying to figure out the answer to something, that’s how we’ll know that poop is on its way. Arriving on Track Now, as my dad used to …

Huh? Okay, I’ll get the diapers.

(zzzzz)

We should defrost something, what do we have to defrost. Cassoulet? You want some cassoulet? There’s some crusty bread we could have with a big bowl of cass … or we … member that chicken thing we did? There’s tons of that left. That and a nice green salad on the side? So ... there’s an option to keep on the table, and we could also have a meal of ice cream, cause I just found a big thing of moose tra … oh, here. We could have that pot roast. Some pot roast in the freezer. Could have that and some roast vegetables and a few …

Chicken thing it is, then.

(zzzzz)

Hey. When’d your boobs get so big like that. Where was I when this development occurred. Did you know they were gonna grow like that, cause where’d those things come from. Damn. Look at ‘em. Damn.

(zzzzz)

Well, you know what, if he’s gonna pee on anyone, it might’s well be you. Least he got it on your jeans. Where it can … comingle with all the other pee that’s already there. You gotta lotta pee on your jeans, Stinkhead, lotta pee.

You want me to hold him, while you go dry his pee off your jeans? Now that I’m pretty sure he’s got no more pee to pee, I don’t mind holding him. Don’t mind holding him at …

No, I’m pretty sure that stain was there when you walked in. Pretty sure you walked in with that stain there, Stinkhead.

(zzzzz)

I had a dream where my dad was in the waiting room, pacing, and he had a coffee in his hand. Those paper cups of coffee you used to be able to get but now you gotta look for.

No, she was there too, only she was sitting. She was sitting while dad paced and I walked through these swinging doors and I told them it was a boy and it looked like him, damn near spitting image, and dad dropped the coffee. Went everywhere all over the tiles.

What time’s it, four? How long were we out. Wow. Dark out already. 

(zzzzz)

I can’t believe it. You could knock me over with a feather. All the people who brought over presents, and I like Alan’s the best. Alan’s.

The world is indeed on its ass.

(zzzzz)

Where’s the log, I can’t find the log, have you seen the log?

No, I checked, it’s not there. And I gotta write down his poopy diaper fore I forget.

Yeah, just changed him and man. They aren’t kidding when they say mustard-y. I will never look at mustard in the same way again. Got on the bottom of his feet somehow and fore I realized what I was actually looking at, I wondered why he had yellow-brown feet.

Well, what happened was, I thought what I’d do was give the bassinet another try. See if I could get him to take to it. He was dead asleep but soon’s his back hit that bassinet pad he woke up then ten seconds later, he pooped all over and I mean all over.

Yeah, I don’t think he likes that bassinet very much. So, but where’s the log, cause I will forget if I don’t write it down now, the way my mind’s been so fuzzy lately. I still can’t remember what the hell I was sposed to tell Jimmy.

(zzzzz)

So when do your boobs go back to their normal size. A month? A year? A day? When.

If that’s the case, then let’s breastfeed til the kid’s applying for college. I could get used to …

Ow. Jesus. Would you rather I didn’t like looking at your great big …

Ow, all right all right all right …

(zzzzz)

Any more of that chicken thing or is it all gone? It is?

Okay, well, what else we got. We got any …

No, just something small. A nibble. Just a bit peckish, that’s all, a bit … yeah, okay, here we go. I bet this spaghetti and meatballs thought I wouldn’t see it, hiding behind the milk like that. It thought wrong.

(zzzzz)

No. No. No. I’ll be fine. I’m wide awake. He’ll be fine on my lap cause I’m wide awake and I’m not gonna fall asleep and he’ll be fine on my lap so no worries just you go get yourself a nap and I’m gonna lay here on the couch with him while you rest so you go rest now, you go rest now, you go rest now.

I’ll wake you up if I need to, but I won’t so sleep well.

Fore I forget, good job today, you did a real good job today.

Okay.

Okay, now, she’s in the bedroom, so it’s just you and me now. No one else. Just you and me. Just the two men of the household. Isn’t that nice? Two men of the household, napping on the couch? Huh? You gonna lay there on my stomach? Huh? Sound good? A bit of a lie down on my stomach? All right. Here we go.

Yeah, that’s right. Just like that. I’ll be here, on my back, but I can’t nod off with you. I gotta stay awake while your mom naps, cause she’s getting a lot less sleep than I am. she needs her sleep whenever she can get it so you and I are gonna be very quiet for a while. Hopefully an hour and a half? Can we be quiet for an hour and a half?

Let’s try.

Okay. There you go, you know what you’re doing, you know how it’s done. You nod off, you nod off, you nod off. And me? I’m gonna … I’m gonna … I’m gonna …

Well, I have no idea what the hell I’m gonna do. Who knows. The possibilities are both limitless and quite limited. So … while I’m mulling it over, the thing of what I’m gonna do, I’ll just close my eyes. Just close my eyes to have a bit of a think.

Just close my eyes. Lightly close them to see how relaxing it is. Oh. It’s … it’s very relaxing. Wow. This is very … But I won’t sleep. I won’t sleep. I will not sleep. I …

(zzzzz)