Afternoon. It me, Pokey. Hello. You Daddy’s reader, but Daddy not here. Daddy’s reader get Pokey instead. You lucky.

Pokey here cause Daddy take nap. Daddy out work late last night and Pokey got up Daddy early to play on play mat, then did not want Daddy leave room for coffee.… Read full post »

Younger Me watches Present Me playing with Pokey on the activity mat and all Younger Me can do is shake his head. Perplexity. Bafflement. Discombobulation. That’s what Younger Me’s experiencing right now.

Present Me thinks it’s a damn fine thing, watching Pokey talk and react to th… Read full post »

(With a customer, on the phone.)

“Is this Jimmy?”

- Nope. I’m (Squirrel).

“Is Jimmy there?”

- It seems his priorities lie elsewhere.

“Can I make a reservation with you?”

- We’ll do our darnedest.

“What’s that?”

- Course you can… Read full post »

He had his own mugs. Five or six, if memory serves, that he kept on a shelf underneath the cash register at the front there. No one else could use them. Only him. A thing I used to do was put just a bit, the merest bit, of dish powder into… Read full post »

(Available per song or as an album, which Wife-asaurus prefers, cause then you can take in the thing as it was intended, in its totality, as an oeuvre.)

Track 1: “It’s Tummy Time” (A Wife-asaurus original. If the charts could be topped by a song like this, this song would… Read full post »

Three-plus more hours of freedom. Three-plus more hours of relative contentment and sense of purpose. At five o’clock, I’m back to the same old same old run of the mill grind. Here’s what’s on my mind as I steel myself, girding my loins, preparing for the inevitable.

We&rsquo… Read full post »

Okay. Let’s see. Clean diapers, fresh outfit? Check. Spare diapers, wipes and outfit in shoulder bag? Check. You, Pokey, strapped snug in carseat, with blankets to keep you warm? Check. Carseat snapped to stroller thing? Check. Bright, sunny, brisk Friday? Check. We’re all set.

Now let&r… Read full post »

It’s three in the afternoon and they’re down for the count, in the bedroom, with the lights out, the blinds closed and the rain and chill outside. Before she zonked, she told me what a great afternoon this would be for a nap. I said, ‘So take a nap then.’ She… Read full post »

So we’re at Santa’s Village, right? We’re riding the ornaments, the ones that spin around the tree, me and Glen, I’m eight and he’s six, I look over and … and … and …

Hey. Listen, Pokey. You’re my kid and you’re all right and everything,/… Read full post »

(zzzzz)

What’s that face. Look. Look at his face. What’s that face he’s making. It looks like he’s in pain or has … ah. I bet it’s an ‘I’m gonna poop’ face, and I bet … yep, there he goes, he’s … yep, he’s pooping, that&… Read full post »

6:45 – She gets me outta bed to tell me ‘something’s happening.’

6:51 – After downing a coffee, I ask her what the hell’s that mean, ‘Something’s happening.’ She tells me what the hell that means. I feel funny on the inside.

6:54 – Wife-as… Read full post »

“Is it okay if I go home.”

- You just got here.

“I forgot something.”

- What’d you forget.

“My textbooks. Be back in half an hour.”

- You gonna study?

“It’s slow.”

- You just got here.

“So?”

- How do… Read full post »

1. Watch Friday Night Lights premiere Wednesday night.

2. Identify and do something bout horrible smell in ladies’ bathroom.

3. Talk to Stinkhead bout his stupid brother who keeps yelling whenever he drinks that one too many and then Saturday night, he brought in his horrible fiancé wh… Read full post »

ME. Hey, you know, I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t hafta but I gotta.

HER. Do you know for how long?

ME. Til things pick up. Maybe round the holidays. I dunno.

HER. But you’ll still need me Saturdays and Sundays.

ME. Yeah. Oh yeah. You’re still… Read full post »

I wish I had more time to spend with you. I’d like to tell you how we have all the clothes he’ll need until he’s three, thanks to the generosity of a few people we only kinda sorta know. Wife-asaurus and I were faces with piles and piles and piles of/… Read full post »

“If someone told your father to go fuck himself, it’s the first I ever heard of it.”

- There was that chamber of commerce guy.

“He didn’t say go fuck yourself, he called your father a goddamn sonofabitching asshole.”

- We might be splitting semantic hairs on thi… Read full post »

Someone called me Lou Dobbs the other day, which I thought unfair. Now, I’m no expert on Lou Dobbs. I’ve never actually sat down to spend time with the man. When his show is on, we mute the volume. But the closed captioning is on cause our televisions are broken so… Read full post »

I’m so sorry, bout so many different things. I don’t even know where to begin. You’re not even here, yet, and I’m already sorry for the ways in which the deck’ll be stacked against you. You get here, and then it’s practically more or less all downhill. Sorry, Kid.… Read full post »

I could leave. I could chuck all this, walk away from it, all of it. Leave and never look back. Jimmy’s got an asshole friend who sniffs around with a view to buying in. (Why he would want to do this is beyond me. Maybe he hates himself.)

He was… Read full post »

We’re cracked up to be many things. All of which we are. Not many places can say that with a straight face, because most places will fail to live up to expectations. Our face is straight when we say it, cause we’ve managed to lower expectations to the point where there’s… Read full post »

Morning. You want a decaf? I found an English Breakfast decaf at the back of the tea thing. You want one? Okay, well, if you don’t want one, don’t make me make you one, but if you do, I don’t mind making you one, so … just lemme know? I …/… Read full post »

Right now, the easiest way to find our place is to drive round the north side til you find the guy who’s standing on the front stoop wondering what the happened to the normal Wednesday lunch crowd. Seriously. We typically do sixty to seventy at lunch. Today, we’re stuck at twenty-eight.… Read full post »

Well, I’m in a shitty mood today. Grumpy as all get-out. Might have something to do with an ex coming in Saturday night. She came in, sat down, I recognized her straight away, looked at her, smiled and ran fast as I could downstairs when I realized she hadn’t a clue… Read full post »

Lord, I don’t believe in You, and I haven’t since Catholic priests beat the snot outta me in high school. But in these troubling times, fraught as they are, a man like me can afford to take no chances. So where do I turn? To You, Lord, even though I don’t… Read full post »

Everyone needs to give this kid a break cause he’s not a bad kid. He’s, in fact, a good kid. It’s a crying shame he also happens to be the world’s shittiest busboy, cause no one sees what a good kid he is when they look at him. They look at/… Read full post »