The Subversive Child Therapist

The Subversive Child Therapist

The Subversive Child Therapist
Location
Cleveland, Ohio, USA
Birthday
January 15
Bio
The Subversive Child Therapist is an honest to god child/adolescent therapist. She's Nationally Board Certified, a licensed professional counselor in Ohio, and working towards her independent art therapy certification....blah blah blah...

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SEPTEMBER 30, 2009 11:25PM

Child Therapist Hazards #1: Dirty Little Nasties

Rate: 17 Flag

Ok, so there are some professional hazards working with mentally ill kids, naturally. But the biggest challenges I have been facing lately, have come from the client's peers and their extended family. Sigh.  Like today:

So I was walking down the hallway at the school I'm at. See two middle school kids walking towards me: a guy and a girl. (Neither one a client). No big deal. They're talking laughing. Then the guy starts to veer close towards me in the hall. Closer. closer. too close for comfort. I walk past him ignoring them both.

And then I feel it. It was soft. Feather like even--but definitely there--Dude TAPPED MY ASS! So, ever the professional, I with lady like poise turned on my J. Crew silver flats and yelled: "What the hell ya doing, you dirty little NASTY!!!" The kid just blanched and walked away. I informed the principal and God bless her, she threw the book at his skeezy ass!

The funny thing was, that morning--I was looking in the mirror thinking how tired, bloated and run down I was looking--and scoping out new fine lines around my eyes in my rearview mirror. Maybe I should view this as the universes way of saying, "Knock it off sister, even twelve years want to 'tap that ass' ".  But I didn't. Not at all. . . I felt embarrassed.

When asked to give my statement to the school districts special security people (think Cleveland Metro Schools Special Victims Unit), I secretly wanted to melt into the floor and disappear. I didn't want to be the lady who got this kid suspended and quite possibly expelled (if my principal has her way). I just wanted the whole thing to go away. Sigh. But instead, I gave my account to the security lady and the kid (little grab ass) denied all the claims. But glory be--there was a hallway camera and another eyewitness statement that completely matched my statement--right down to what I said to the kid!

So I should be feeling all vindicated and "I am woman hear me roar". Instead I feel squee-ed out. I mean--what the hell was that little shit thinking? Did he think I wouldn't notice? Did he think I'd not say something? Did he think, "Gee--there's Ms. Andrea, I bet she'd like it if I  touched her ass this morning" ewww--I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it.

Luckily, my clients (most of whom are boys) have been nothing but super duper (did I just write that?) respectful. 

(Ok except for a couple dudes who have attempted to masturbate during therapy--but I quickly  put a stop to that. My signature way of handling any odd behavior by my clients--is to curl my upper lip, raise an eyebrown and snarl, "Are you serious?" Works like a charm. Everytime. And maybe I throw in some "ABC afterschool special" shit like--'there's a time and place for that sort of thing--attempting it in therapy is not the time or the place'.)

But I digress...being inappropriately touched by a little boy--that shit never even happened when I worked in residential. I just hope that little boy (Mr. Grabby Hands) learns his lesson. Although my cynical side is screaming, "Probably, not."

 

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Ewww. How old are we talking about? Kids are pre-sexualized these days to a pretty disgusting degree. Then again, I saw my first porno at age 9 and I'm 38 now, so what do I know?
Wow - glad the administration took your complaint seriously, and hope this kid gets the wake up call he needs.
I feel sorry for you because this minor incident caught you in the middle of personal crisis - new wrinkles, looking tired, bloated and so on. I understand your feelings, but I believe that professionally you made a big mistake - aren't you the last person to judge and call authorities and the first person to analyze and understand? You know, being a therapist who doesn't call a police every time his patient confesses violent sex fantasies about therapist himself. Yes, he touched you, but he is 12 and you have all the power - to call him on it, to talk to his parents, to counsel him, to talk to his teachers -all of it before hysterical screaming and becoming a 'special victim". You said you felt embarrassed - I feel embarrassed for you too.
The consequences for the kid would've been less if he had slugged you on your arm.
I think you did the right thing. This might have just been some skeezy little kid acting out in an inappropriate manner… But it may well have been the beginning of a series of escalating incidents of sexually victimizing women. No matter how you cut it, this kid did something that gratified himself sexually against another person’s will. Catching it early and making it “on record” might just get this kid some therapy before he gets up the nerve to hold a girl down. At the very least it shows the little sh*t that this is not funny and that there are consequences for acting like a pr*ck.
I can completely support reporting the kid, and ensuring that he's aware that this is seriously inappropriate, but I can't help but think that the snarly shrieking (which seems wildly inappropriate from any responsible adult, if you're quoting yourself accurately), and level of response are far more likely to put this kid into therapy than prevent him needing it later, and there's something really off about that. It sounds like your initial response to his behaviour had more to do with you being in a bad place than morning than the behaviour itself, too.

The idea, expressed by another commenter, that you're stopping a future predator is a nice one to rationalise the whole thing, but about as realistic as suggesting that stopping a schoolyard fight will avert a future murder or beating or the like.
I was once patted on the butt by an old decrepit man, being led around by a young man in a re-sale shop. I was so shocked, I shouted at the old man -- what the hell is your problem? The young man looked like -- oh, no, here we go again. I'm an old woman and it felt like I'd been violated. I took enough of that shit when I was young and stupid. I should have filed charges -- but then, who'd be the one spending hours at the police station and later in court?

I don't think you're asking for confirmation, but I sure as hell think you did the right thing. Letting this kid get away with that would have been one more brick in his wall.
subversive, thank you for sharing. i totally agree with you and glad that the school took you seriously. it isn't that he barely touched you, like a feather...it's that he has no right to do what he did, it was degrading no matter how light and if there are no consequences, then why wouldn't he blow someone else's boundaries? thanks for speaking for yourself, something we can learn from. also: love throwing up in your own mouth--funny! rated
That's amazing. I'm not sure what I would have done. I probably would have hoped that I just imagined the whole thing.
Who would think that a 12 year old would do something like that? Probably saw it on TV.
I don't understand. Is kicking this kid out of school going to help him learn his lesson? You make a point of saying you couldn't understand how this twelve year old boy didn't forsee consequence to his actions. Maybe what we should take from this is that he wasn't thinking it through very well. I'm sure as a therapist you know that not thinking things through is commonplace among 12 year old boys. Perhaps because of your knowledge of troubled children you are projecting some deeper meaning to this child's actions. However I think that to demonize this child as a sexual deviant for a poor decision at twelve is a tad counter-productive. Children do stupid stuff. You teach them it's wrong and try to better them. I really hope this kid got to stay in school, he's a child, not a nasty.
Sometime's a cigar's just a cigar. He was curious, and probably motivated by peers. This kid doesn't understand his actions as representing women's subjection. He was wrong, and he's still young enough that to remedy his behaviour is still our responsibility. However if you decide to brand him as some kind of pervert-criminal then I promise it will do more harm than good.
Sorry, one more thing. It seems funny that after you worried about your attractiveness in front of the mirror you probably turned around and checked out your backside on the way out the door. It's been mentioned that kids are sexualised early, this is true, however ironically we still refuse to talk to kids about sex honestly. So is this kid's confusion not understandable?
Apart from hoping your response was not as hysterical as it sounds I'm good with running the kid through the system. It seems to me like an attitude that may not run more to frat boy entitlements than violent perversion, good to nip it in the proverbial bud.

I wonder, though, that you don't seem to think about the incident or the kid in any analytical way. I'm curious what you, as a professional, think was going on with him, why a kid would do such a thing.
I can out-nasty this one. True story. When I was an orderly at a state mental hospital in 1972 (I was 23) I was walking the grounds one day when an inmate my age from some other cottage ran up to me and lightning fast she kissed me and jammed her tongue in my mouth. Her teeth were mossy and her breath stunk. But she was crazy and property of the state and in 1972 we weren't hip to the concept of a teachable moment or predicting that their thorazine controlled behavior would lead them to become anything other than the vegetables in the day room that they were doomed to be. At the time, I just felt lucky - because a week before my friend Frank was supervising an inmate softball game when a patient ran up to him and broke his nose.
Life in the trenches. I know what you're talking about, having been a spec ed middle school teacher in LA. rated