Weirdly Blogging to the song “Clarity” by “Eleventyseven.”
You know every writer has a thing that they do. It is just a thing. It isn't thought about or questioned, but is just a thing that they do to either help them write and what not? Well folks, The Weird Writer also has his own things that he does while writing, before writing, or after writing. Why am I talking about myself in the third person? I feel kind of lucky because everyone who knows me in person is reading this particular blog post with a huge grin on their faces going, “oh shit this will be good!” that being said… I know some of my college teachers are reading this, so I have to watch what I write in here. I seriously thought about doing this in some huge fancy list, and then I'm like “Nah. I don’t want to. I want to be weird, since that's what The Weird Writer does.” I have resolved exactly to tell you all what sort of odd things I do, and why I do them. Ready? And vrooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm!
1) I drink. just kidding everyone! No, seriously though, I do drink, but here's the thing though. I drink sweet tea! In addition, this is just the beginning of my madness! I even drink sweet tea with a nice shot of root beer. I wonder if you all thought I was going to name some alcoholic beverage or something. Nope, not this time kiddies! although, when I'm really in the heat of doing a chapter, or some sort of scene, I drink hard soda. None of that water shit, The Weird Writer goes postal. A full on fledged cup of Mr. Pib. If I really want to get drunk I go straight for the hot chocolate topped with some marshmallows, but that's only when I am near the end of a blog post, for example. That's the drink I choose when I am almost finished with a project. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I will drink water but that's only when my fingers are dancing lightly over the keyboard and I often stare off into space not even getting some sort of sentence down or anything. The water is just a distraction. The hot coco is the real deal. When I bust out that mug, you know I mean business. So, now you know what I drink, on to writer situations!
2) When I'm having writers block.
a) This is a tough one. Many writers are asked how you combat writers block. With me, when it strikes, it sure does strike. When I have a real bad case of it, I'll start walking around aimlessly in my house. My friends all think I'm nuts but I digress. Another thing that I do when I'm having writers block is I will procrastinate. I'm so not kidding. I will totally procrastinate.
b) I pee. I'm not kidding. I take a nice pee. There are other things I do also, but I shall get to those a bit later. Peeing somehow clears my mind as well as jogging would. When I'm in the bathroom with a huge dopy grin on my face…. You can interpret it anyway you'd like, but I could just be getting rid of writers block.
c) I talk to the cat. We have this cute little orange ball of fluff, and when I can't figure out how to get someone raped, kill someone, stab someone, or how to make the pirate unicorns come in at the right time and do whatever I want to have them do, I talk to the cat. I tell him the plot of the story while scratching behind his ears, but sadly, he's not a huge talker. All he actually says is “meow.” He doesn't even tell me how to kill people the right way to make them memorable deaths. Still, it is quite fun imagining what he's going to say next. Is he going to say meow with just the touch of softness in the meow, or is he going to snap at me and tell me to go away? For the most part, he likes listening to me talk about how I'm going to make my unicorns dance in a parade of zombie like humans.
d) I eat, and I eat like a pig when I have writers block. I slam my hand into this huge box of snacks I have and munch on some cereal. You can tell how severe my sickness is based on the brand of cereal. If the sickness isn't too bad, I'll have a bowl of cheerios or even some applejack. If it's killing me though, watch me as I devour some hard-core captain crunch, or the big guns, cinnamon toast crunch. If cereal isn't available, I'll have a few cookies, crackers, whatever fancies me at the time.
3) What do I do while writing?
a) Wear a big black hat. I call it my writing hat. When I have that on that' means don't disturb me, I will do the dishes when I'm done with this chapter. I don't know what got me started wearing my writing hat, it started after I left dads place. I don't know why I wear it, it's just a thing that I do. Later on, I will even insert a picture so you all can see what kind of hat it is. It looks like a baseball cap.
b) Locations! I almost forgot about this one! Where do I write? I write in three main areas every day.
i) The writers couch. In my house, there's this old couch that's falling apart. The sheets need a good washing and the sheets even have holes in them. My laptop is on a table in front of me, hooked up always. A lamp is next to me that never knows how to stay on. That's my writing lamp, and I wouldn't trade it for the world!
ii) The writers cave. This means a little corner in the library. I go there so often that that's what the librarians even call it now. When I enter, they tell me “my writing cave is ready!” it's a nice little cave with plants all around me, and my laptop rests on a little square table. It's also quiet too! Generally, staff are the only ones back there, but I didn't know that so when I plopped my laptop and my butt down in the seat, the librarians told me about it. Now, it's become my writing cave, sort of like the bat cave but only for one writer. Me.
iii) The writers busy place. This is a place in the Tallahassee mall. I go there a lot and people recognize me there. When I enter, the manager of the pizza place greets me and asks me what I'm going to be writing about. If it's good, he gives me a slice of pizza. If it's not good, he just sends me on my Mary way. It's a quiet little table on the far end of the food court. I don't know why no one sits over there, but I have marked that place as my writing spot, and no negotiations.
c) Now back onto the subject of what I do when I write. I listen to music. What kind? I have a station on Pandora that is all about me and my writer beats. Some beats include fall out boy, creed, the click 5, simple plan, green day, and a few songs from the good old country artists, Alan Jackson, Taylor swift, bully ray, and many others.
4) When you’re finished with something.
a) I do the funky chicken! J dad you'd be so proud of me. I spring up and do the funky chicken right there wherever I am at. A lot of people think I'm a good dancer, and to make it even more awesome, I flap my arms like a chicken! When I spring up and do that dance, be warned that The Weird Writer has finished a long project and now I just want to relax.
b) I eat more junk food than a fat person. I do. Someone is usually happy that I finish something, which they will buy me, something to celebrate. If I'm at the mall, and after people watch me do the funky chicken, the manager of some ice cream place asks if I'm ready for my finishing meal. When I say yes, he gives me one free. A small scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Two scoops to be in fact. I don't have any drink with it because it's my ritual. People are beginning to know my writing habits and that's just weird. Ah well, that's not as weird as I am!
Well all, The Weird Writer is done telling you about the writer quirks he has. The next one will be part two, like how I come up with stories, essays and all that. I hope that you all have enjoyed this a lot! I know I enjoyed writing it!
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