One of my best friends, Brené Brown, is spending this week exploring the subject of worthiness. It's a topic that I'm uncomfortable with. It's so easy to find worthiness in other but finding it in yourself is (for me) nearly impossible. The only thing that I'm really, really good at is pointing out my unworthiness, which is probably not very healthy. So today I'm going to break out of my normal self-deprecating stuff and join her and others in "what makes me worthy".
And...I've got nothing. Honestly, I just sat here for like 5 minutes looking at my computer screen to find something that makes me worthy and I'm stumped. I'm a good mom and a nice person but that doesn't seem like enough. I could come up with 100 flaws about me in under a minute but I don't celebrate my gifts and so I forget about them and never have them with me when I need them most. And that's kind of totally pathetic. And sadly, so damned common.
Then I started looking through my photos for inspiration and I found one that my friend Kate took of me hugging a stranger at a blogging conference. I remember that moment. I was terrified and had just finished speaking and I was wearing a wig to hide behind all the stares as I felt I was totally inadequate and disappointing. I'd spoken about using humor to battle the anxiety disorder and depression and pain that so many of us hide in the dark. After the session ended I had people come up to me in tears because something that I had said had touched them in some way and had given them hope, the strength to get help, to speak out, to laugh at monsters or to accept themselves as flawed and perfectly imperfect. I remember someone tentatively asking for a hug and telling me how much I had helped her. She had no idea how much I need that hug back and how what she said had helped me. And that was the circle. That was how I discovered my worthiness,ironically, in accepting and celebrating my unworthiness. It's how I started to wear my broken shield with a strange sort of pride, rather than hide behind it with shame. It's how I discovered that I am worthy.
I'm worthy because of you.
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Audrey Ohley
Kerry Lauerman
Joan Walsh
Salon.com
Comments
I bet you that you are worthy in 34,865.9 ways if you really thought about it.
The unworthy stuff? Feh! Get rid of it!
Soooo rated.
"After the session ended I had people come up to me in tears because something that I had said had touched them in some way and had given them hope, the strength to get help, to speak out, to laugh at monsters or to accept themselves as flawed and perfectly imperfect."
Great post! Totally worthy.
Thanks for sharing this.
Your photo adds to your story perfectly. Heck, it IS your story.
(parse that sentence, i dare you.)
This was touching writing and funny.
As a half-assed Buddhist i know you are inherently worthy blah blah. But your writing earns you quantifiable worthiness. in extremis.
Plus your hair will look nice, later, after that sets. Don't over-comb.
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Extra points for Wilfrid Brimley Minotaur, which should have gotten OS cartoon of the year.