thefuddler

thefuddler
Location
Future 86, New York, USA
Birthday
December 10
Company
My own
Bio
I'm a reasonably good writer with an Internet connection. I'm rather opinionated on certain topics. I live in a town whose primary function is as a rest stop at the intersection of two interstate highways. I have too many radios! All postings in this blog are Creative Commons The Fuddler. Non-comm, attrib, no derivs.

Thefuddler's Links

Salon.com
JANUARY 22, 2012 4:57PM

Is Sex Addiction A (Genuine) Social Disease?

Rate: 5 Flag
 

(Some links may be NSFW)

By the time I'd gotten to the corner, the bus had already rounded the opposite corner, leaving me in a cloud of diesel smoke.

It was the early 1980's. I had left the one local coffeehouse for the bus stop 3 blocks away just a minute or so too late. The next bus would not be by for another hour. It was cold out. I decided to call a cab.

Mass-market cell phones were many years off. The coffeehouse had closed for the night. The only pay phone within easy walking distance, mounted next to the entrance of a nearby laundromat, wouldn't give me a dial tone or even accept coins.

I bit the proverbial bullet and started going from house to house in the block I was on.

I was lucky. I found a house with some of its lights still on. I knocked on the door once and an affable gentleman opened it and invited me in. I explained my situation and he allowed me to call a local cab company on his phone. The dispatcher told me they'd be sending a cab to that address in about 20 minutes. My host very graciously let me wait in his living room.

The phone was in the kitchen, in the back of the house. My host and I had to walk through the living room and dining room to get to it. On the way, I saw something which I'll probably never forget. In the living room was a 27-inch color TV (a big deal in those days) with several family members planted in front of it, watching one of the then-new cable channels. On one side of the dining room was a smaller set with a few kids watching it. And opposite that were two grandparents, eyes fixed on a portable black-and-white set with two VCRs (the analogue-era equivalent of the modern DVR) underneath it. I think I counted three or four VCR's between all of the TV's. VCR's were not cheap back then. Even a basic model would set you back a few hundred early-1980s dollars.

Now, the question is, was I looking at an extended family of for-real television addicts? Or did these good people just love to watch TV?

Similarly, how do you tell if someone who has a lot of sexual encounters has a genuine personality or behavior disorder, or just really likes to knock boots? More about that later.

Newsweek magazine reaffirmed with its December 5, 2011 print issue that it has not forgotten the magazine industry's holy mantra: When you have a slow news week, you run a cover story about sex. But wait, you can't run stories about the sex lives of happily-married, sexually satisfied couples. Interviews with people who now enjoy happy, healthy sexual relationships because their parents taught them about sex factually and positively when they were kids are also out. For one thing those subjects are about as titillating as an episode of Leave It To Beaver. No, if you're going to use sex as a marketing tool, it needs to be titillating, but at the same time it also needs to not offend sexually-backward but well-monied segments of the population.

So what do you do? You run a lurid feature article on a sexual disorder which is difficult to diagnose but is suitably controversial. Sex combined with controversy. Now, that's what sells papers! If you can't run a story about a prominent professional golfer who got caught using his wood at the wrong hole, you've got to take that whole cloth and run up something else on your own. Hence, sexual addiction, assassin of youth!

Check out this excerpt:

Some 1,500 sex therapists treating compulsive behavior are practicing today, up from fewer than 100 a decade ago, say several researchers and clinicians, while dozens of rehabilitation centers now advertise treatment programs, up from just five or six in the same period.”

Is this a sign of an emerging crisis, a previously-unknown one, or are certain categories of professionals simply trying to drum up extra business? Just how easy is it to get credentialed as a sex-addiction specialist these days?

The Newsweek story continues: “Where it used to be 40- to 50-year-old men seeking treatment, now there are more females, adolescents, and senior citizens,” says Tami VerHelst, vice president of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals.

Is there an epidemic of sexual dysfunction that's at long last receiving the attention it warrants? Or is this a sign of an impending moral panic? Moral panics traditionally are fomented to keep the masses obsessing about something relatively trivial while more serious things – say, a severe economic crisis – are occurring. Get the talking heads on the tube saying the right buzz-phrases and put a splashy, titillating cover story on a major publication and the desired effect is well on its way to being achieved.

...Grandfathers getting caught with porn on their computers by grandkids....”

Are people over age 50 really more susceptible to addictive or compulsive sexual behavior, or is this yet another manifestation of the frustration and loneliness these age groups all too frequently suffer, a side effect of the fallacious but deeply-entrenched belief that older people aren't supposed to have sex lives (or lives, period)? And if it just so happens that grandma wants to watch a little high-grade smut with grandpa, where's the harm in that?

I read a card on Postsecret a few years ago, from a woman who said that occasionally she'd call in sick for work and spend the day having solo sex. She'd come back to work the next day refreshed and presumably more productive. Perhaps economists ought to stop and consider how sexual satisfaction could be a productivity enhancer.

Hollywood, as always, has to have a piece of the action: [O]n Dec. 2, the acclaimed psychosexual drama Shame arrives in ­theaters. The movie follows Brandon (portrayed by Irish actor Michael Fassbender in a career-defining performance), a New Yorker with a libido the size of the Empire State Building. [my emphasis]

Now, how's that for a Freudian slip?

Director Steve McQueen adds: “This movie has as much to do with sex as alcoholism has to do with being thirsty. It's just an outlet. We drink or do drugs or have sex as a distraction. That's because it's hard to be a human being. Anything to numb the pain, that's what we do.” While Mr. McQueen's hit the target, I think his aim is just a little off-center. Not all of us distract ourselves with theatrically compulsive or destructive behavior. Those of us who genuinely need it get therapy. Some of us build computer operating systems, play music or make art. Or write blog postings. Furthermore, it's been proven that people who are sexually repressed obsess more about sex, and are more likely to act this out in destructive or even antisocial ways.

[T]hough watching porn isn't the same as seeking out real live sex, experts say the former can be kind of a gateway drug to the latter”

Was the baby formula or mother's milk we were raised on simply a gateway drug for the sugary fast-food milkshakes we would consume many years later?

For every person who uses adult porn in an unhealthy way there are many others who know where what's on the page or the screen ends and reality begins. And how many of us pre-Internet babies came of age gawking at centerfolds, reading the juicy parts of novels or watching movies like Behind The Green Door? While porn users got called lots of unflattering things back in the day, I don't recall “sex addict” being among them. And I believe it's safe to say that a lot of us turned out more or less whole, at least eventually.

In my opinion, Newsweek committed a breach of journalistic ethics by giving multiple mentions (or should that be “plugs”?) to an evangelical ministry apparently trying to pass itself off as an impartial, professional solution for sexual disorders, real or imagined. (It seems to be more like one of those ministries which promise to turn that gay uncle or son straight, or none of your money back).  XXXChurch.com, like other such ministries, is primarily about “saving” people (the money and political power that comes with new converts being just a happy coincidence of course). A lot of them tend to seduce teens who haven't yet come to terms with the tsunami of hormones roiling across their brains (and who aren't getting very much help from “abstinence-ed”). Or adults in loveless, sexless marriages. These people are very likely to misdiagnose themselves as sex addicts, making them unfair game for this and other such purveyors of spiritual snake-oil. (As an aside, this particular ministry has events titled “Porn Sunday”, “Porn and Pancakes” and “Porn and Pastries”. If I didn't know better...)

 
A TV program the Newsweek/Daily Beast article refers to is Bad Sex, a reality-TV program on the LGBT-oriented Logo TV network. It's hosted by a social worker. The program opens with the subjects sitting in a circle in the social worker's office confessing their afflictions. I watched one episode online. Its subjects ranged from a 37 year-old woman who was still a virgin to the star of this installment, a thirtyish man who spends hours online looking for (and apparently having little trouble finding) quick, anonymous hook-ups. By his own admission, there are small towns whose populations are smaller than the number of women this man has bedded over the last decade. The cameras follow him as he drives to each encounter. Of course they don't film the encounter itself (which may be just as well).

Is Bad Sex meant to be instructional, or is it merely engineered to keep as many TV viewers gawking at their screens as possible to build up ratings? The disclaimer at the end of the show states that the therapeutic information given by the social worker to each subject is exclusively for the subject's benefit and is presented for entertainment purposes only.

I think I'll take the producers of this program at their word.

Ultimately, what distinguishes someone with a bona fide problem from someone who well, just likes sex (or beer, or chocolate, or video games, etc.) a lot? Alcoholics Anonymous publishes a list of 20 questions for someone who suspects they might have a drinking problem. With all due respect to that respectable organization, I'll boil it down here to a pop quiz: are you doing or using something because you love it, or are you doing it because if you don't, you'll feel like a 3-pack-a-day smoker who can't get cigarettes and has to get some, by hook or by crook?

In the end, an official diagnosis of addiction, whatever its nature, must be made by someone with the training, experience and certification to make it. And as the venerable Stanton Peele points out in his 1976 article Addiction Is A Social Disease, the real solutions to the addiction problem as a whole “...[A]re to bring people into contact with themselves, with other people, with their environment, and with their work so as to eliminate the need for artificial involvements in which people immerse themselves because they see no alternative. ...”

While the mass-media bombard us with sexual imagery every day in order to sell, say, magazines, too many of us never receive factual instruction in sex and sexuality. Or as a commenter on The Daily Beast/Newsweek web site where the article appears put it:

The problem isn't that we are addicts. The problem is that in the face of being bombarded with sexual content and sexuality, we aren't getting enough real sex.”

-------------------------------------------------

This article is Creative Commons 2012 The Fuddler. Non-comm., attrib., no derivs.

 
 
THIS JUST IN: A Hungarian promo poster (NSFW) for the movie Shame (see above) was banned in that country for reasons which should be obvious! Using a semi-pornographic poster to sell tickets to a movie about alleged sexual maladjustment.  Hmm...

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
Yes! Not enough real sex and way too much other stuff. Like a person who eats so many donuts they can't handle spinach. That's me in so many levels. Lots of info here. Thank you.
zanelle and I bumped. I have No communicable sex diseases. I am not even arthritic.
My legs is stiff.
I can cross toes.
What research!
You help folks.
I shall read`gin.
Company came.
It's not the cops.
Cops drop pants.
tease . . .
Cops are loco nice.
They sip moonshine.
They just rookie cops.
They shop for good hoe.
They get free tomatoes.
We barter Peace for peas.
I don't know about the reality of sex addiction. But I was struck by your observation..."In my opinion, Newsweek committed a breach of journalistic ethics by giving multiple mentions (or should that be “plugs”?) to an evangelical ministry apparently trying to pass itself off as an impartial, professional solution for sexual disorders, real or imagined." The cable news media has degenerated to the point where I think that 90% of what they do is designed to boost ratings. They also lend credence to lies and distortions of the truth by repeated them over and over, without exercising a critical function--in far too many instances.

Sex addiction? maybe, maybe not. But there is a tendency to want to place every "negative" or quirky behavior under the rubric of the Diagnostic and Stastistical Manual.
Agree. 100%.

If you don't have physical withdrawal, you are not addicted.

If you have bad habits or behaviors which cause you and the people around you problems, then change it. With or without therapy.

But don't pretend that it is like being a junky. Other than in the most superficial ways.

And, it isn't like it is effectively treatable -- most people fail under professional guidance.

And if a person likes porn better than a sig-o, maybe the problem is with the sig-o.
Zanelle – Couldn't have described the situation better myself!

Patrick – Sometimes I wonder if Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are the only real serious journalists left! :~)

Art – Interesting poem! But what exactly do you mean, “bumped”? :~)

Nick – You make a lot of sense to this observer. (And I think a lot of professional therapy fails because addiction rehab is a tough business which a lot of therapists aren't that good at, IMO).
I learnd the trm "bumped" @ Salon.
I was deleted. Bumped is to bumps.
It's to "bump" into someone @ Feed.
If we comment at the same second we`
`
bumped
accidental
It's innocent
`
Its not a bad word.
There's no morals.
I mean no bad guilt.

No bad morals? No.
It's just a 'touch' ay.
It's not a nasty sin.
`
Sin is the classsic`hamartia
That's to try to hurt others
Sin really means a ruined:
`
politico, editor, merchant,
lawyer, fake warmongers,
corporate greedy`hubris,
and a depraved duh beast.
They lose their humanity.
`
Thanks for asking. Nice.
We live and learn today.
No be the moo cow vet.
`
My granddaughter said:
`
"Vets stick a arm up butt!"

She was gonna be a vet.
She changed her mind.
Vets impregnate cows.
They use rubber gloves.
Moo cows get pregnant.
I say:
`
Do 'it' the old fashion way.
Interesting article. It is strange, isn't it, how churches seem to be on the leading edge with "cures."
Art - Great poem. Kind of reminded me of this:

Everybody funking and don't know how
They shoulda seen the bull when he funked the cow
He funked her so hard they saw some smoke
He said, let's get in the bed and funk like folks...


- Funkadelic, "Let's Take It To The Stage

Phyllis - It's scary how many otherwise rational folk have cut Faustian deals with some very cynical if not dangerous people and organizations for the promise of sanctuary from real life. (Folks ought to read what
Mr. Peele said about the 1970's "Jesus Freak" movement).
Hey, I think I just stumbled upon a book which seems to tackle the issues I've discussed head-on:

Diseasing of America: How We Allowed Recovery Zealots and the Treatment Industry to Convince Us We Are Out of Control
Stanton Peele (Author)