We have some friends who are getting married.  In addition to deciding on a destination wedding (in Malaysia) which will take course over one entire week, they also stated on their wedding invitation “no boxed gifts.”  Now I knew that they wanted cash because they had mentioned this to us over dinner (see my post on “Don’t tell me to fucking relax.”  The bride to be is the woman who insulted me at dinner.), but to state it explicitly on the wedding invitation, in my mind, is beyond outrageous.  First of all, anyone who will be attending will have to take two weeks off from work, fly with his/her spouse R/T to Malaysia and get accommodations and pay for food, etc.  That is about $6,000.  And don’t tell me it will be like a vacation because, let’s be honest, who on their vacation runs around fawning over other people and doing things they don’t enjoy with people they don’t know.  I think that if someone is sweet enough to go all that way and take the time off, their presence in and of itself is the gift (a HUGE one), is it not?  To assume that they would be getting anything more is incredibly rude and assuming I think.  I did not get wedding gifts from many people who traveled to our wedding (in the US), and I did not care.  I still sent them thank you notes for the gift of their presence.  And I meant every word of it.  Others who took the time to come from another state brought a token gift and I was still thrilled to receive their generous gifts and, more importantly, to share the day with them. 

I am very disturbed by this trend of selfishness and sense of entitlement.  This couple also invited us to a wedding shower in another state (I sent a $100 gift and never got a thank you.  It was four months ago.), and a bachelor party across the country.  It was Th – Sun, so my husband had to take two days off of work, and we spent over $2,000 on travel, and paying for all the drinks and events they went to.  Received no thank you for that either.

It reminds me of another wedding we went to several years ago.  In another state.  We paid for our flights and hotel for four nights.  We got stuck somehow with the bar tab the night of the rehearsal dinner (we were not in the wedding but my friend, who was the groom, was sweet enough to invite us to the dinner).  And I spent $300 on the wedding gift.  It cost us about $2,500 in all.  Guess what?  No thank you.  I do not understand this.  As soon as I got back from my honeymoon, I wrote hundreds of thank yous – to every single person who came and/or gave anything (including gifts like helping with favors) and/or who helped us is some way shape or form - from the $15 salad servers to the $300 coffee maker.

I am severely conflicted about this wedding.  The groom was not with this girl when we got married and the only thing he sent us was a check for $100, about six months after we got married.  We have discussed this and we give these poor people about five years.  They are both so selfish, and there is no way a marriage can work with two selfish people, let alone one.  I am asking anyone who reads this to tell me what you think I should do.  Should I send them another gift (and know that it will go unappreciated and unacknowledged), or should I not, and get the same result.  If I should give a gift, should I give them cash as they have demanded, or should I give them something from one of her four registries?  And how much should I spend? HELP!

PS- Please note that we are not going to the wedding because of my medical issues, and my doctor won't allow it.  Also, this guy is a business colleague of my husband's, and we both like him.  The girl is another matter.  See my other post, as I mentioned, to see the details of how she informed everyone at our dinner table that SHE, unlike ME, is fertile.  Please give me real opinions, not jokes.  I am seriously seeking your help on this one.  I feel very annoyed but I would like some objective people to tell me what they think.