First , A Valentine Question: When a liberal like Al Franken sends Valentine hearts, are they bleeding?

Valentine's Day Fun Facts You Should Know:

On valentine's day a married woman will spend 1 minute reading the Valentine's day card from her husband, 13 minutes eating Valentine's day chocolate, 154 minutes eating dinner out with her husband, and 7 minutes staring at the ceiling.

189 million stems of roses are sold in the U.S. on Valentine's Day. Curiously only 55 million rose buds are sold.

About 3% of pet owners will also give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets. Their pet will be more appreciative then their spouse.

15% of women will send themselves flowers for Valentine's Day. This is why God made batteries.

"Cupid's Arrow" comes from the same Greek word as "chloroform".

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who would be their Valentine. In the 1970's this was called a "key party".

If you find a glove on the road on Valentine's Day, your future beloved will have the other missing glove. Or be one handed.

The oldest surviving love poem is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C . In it the word "tits" is used 9 times.

If you see a flock of doves on Valentine's Day, you will have a happy, peaceful marriage. And a messy car.

To be awoken by a kiss on Valentine's Day is considered lucky. Unless you fell asleep because you were roofied.

One Line Valentine's Day Poems

I see your face when I'm dreaming. That is why I wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; words that describe everything you're not.

To the one who became my wife: Marrying you screwed up my life.

My feelings for you no words can tell. Except for maybe "go to hell."

It feels so good, it feels so right. But I have to return to my wife tonight.

You have the prettiest face and eyes, too bad about your big fat thighs.

The way our love and emotions flow, I'll see you on the Maury show.

I long to hear, sweet and short, those loving words "See you in court".

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Or perhaps a summer's eve? For you, my true dearest one, are a douche indeed.

Love at the lips was touch. As sweet as I could bear. Dear wife, when 'ere we kiss, I feel your facial hair.

Our love will never be cold and shallow. Unless, of course, you refuse to swallow.

Valentine Thought: When Leonard Cohen wrote his song "There Ain't No Cure For Love" he hadn't met my ex-wife.

I only think this way because my marriage was like a Valentine. A Valentine's Day Massacre.