Evan Rachel Wood, looking stunning. Remember that kid on Once and Again or in the film Thirteen? Anyway, she's grown up, and this is a Red Carpet.

Radiation therapy starts tomorow. (oh, yes, please ignore spelling and grammar errors. don't have energy to edit and re-edit.) So, fuck it, I'm focusing on Live from the Red Carpet of the SAG Awards and on the awards themselves. I'm so into all of this shit that I'm flipping back and forth between E's coverage of the red carpet and tv guide's.

PLEASE RATE THIS. I'M A BLOG WHORE, I'M TOLD.  If some of you have TV and Film loving friends, please pass this on.

 So my hosting choices are between Lisa Rinna and her Giant Lips and Joey Fatone (?) and, on E!, Ryan Seacrest and Guiliana Rancic (she married the first winner of Celebrity Apprentice. Yes, i know. so sad that i know this kind of crap -- I keep writing carp. Maybe I'll just starting saying carp instead..) -- who is actually cute and kind of okay. Whew, for a minute I thought Debbie Mattenopoulos was there too, with her post The View nose job. This would be from the ridiculous to the shallow, but I adore it all. Oh, Lord in Heaven, it IS Debbie herself in a horrifying ruffled shoulders blue number. And she's going to host the Fashion Police? Give me a freaking break.

The big treat is to see tv and film stars mingling and that this awards thing is really truly about acting!! I was a screenwriter in L.A. for a while, but was into all of this awards shit way before then.

Okay, with E now. Michael C. Hall and the woman who plays his sister on Dexter are now married and lovely together. She's taller but who cares? Reasonably ruffled and decollete'd brownish dress. thank you. No, Christina Hendricks of MAD MEN is breathtaking in red (with the requisite ruffles) but on her they look awesome. Her Mae West figure is startling among the emaciated starlets, but she is lush and gorgeous and her pouty lips (real) are really sexy.

Commercial, so back to Lisa Rinna's Lips that Ate Los Angeles. Shit, now commercial on tvguide channel. This sucks bigtime. Does give me a little break to peruse the red carpet slide show on eonline.com and on tvguide.com. Tomorrow will be Fashion Police and Rinna's critique, after radiation and, hopefully, before it wipes me out thoroughly.

Rinna's on with America Ferrara. Lovely mauve dress with black. Oh God, Rinna's fake breasts have taken on a life of their own, protruding like crazy. The poor stars have to tell her that she looks great too. Can't believe that James Earl Jones, with all of his dignity and his lovely blond white wife, has to listen to her prattle.

E again: Jenna Fisher of The Office looks lovely in a grecian style grey gown, but, crap, there are Debbie's football shoulder ruffles again. talking to Tracey Morgan now, 30 Rock, wearing Hugo Boss. Cool, he's excited about seeing James Earl Jones. You rock, dude. Claims that James Earl is his biological father.

Oh, this is nice. Christina Applegate, post double mastectomy, looking stunning in a sea green, celadon, not sure. again, the grecian theme. now up close with Guiliana. off the shoulder, de-emphasizing the breasts when they used to be prominent. May not have nipples yet, from what she said to Oprah recently. Yes, I'm not into Oprah anymore either, but I'm close to housebound, so you take what you can get during the day.

E: Holly Hunter posgin. Tiny in strapless red number. long straight hair and not the snake's nest she sports on Saving Grace. oh, my beloved Laura Linney, lovely in one-shouldered coral with glowing in flawless light make-up. I know, i know, no one on here gives a shit about any of this. You can all suck it. This is therapy for me, people. And I get shit ratings anyway, so who gives a flying fuck?

The Entourage crew looking cute, even the actor who play's Ari's assistant is fine in a black gangster shirt and lavendar tie. BTW, Ari is modeled after voracious Ari Emmanuel, Rahm's brother, I think, who was my and my partner's agent for a brief time, which was kind of cool.

Shit, can't switch anymore. 60 minutes is on CBS. The DVR that my redneck in-laws pay for is the bomb or whatever. Can record on two channels at once while letting you watch a saved show. It's a wonder I do ever leave the house... Is Minutes watchable online? Anyone? Bueller? Shoot, forgot. It's Sunday night and quiet on here and no one will read this anyway.

ohhhhh, my favorite couple. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett!! This is as cute and as funny as it gets.

 

This is when I hate hate hate the OCD Banging and Thumping Painbody upstairs. i can hardly hear them through the ear plugs and white noise. oh, they're saying that they will love their baby even if he/she becomes an accountant. Cannot wait for the Arrested Development movie!! Still an all time favorite show.

Guiliana gushing over Teri Hatcer, Housewives, but she's got this weird pinkish one shoulder jetting out ruffle thing and she's, of course, extremely boring. I've heard enough about daughter Emerson to last me a lifetime. Housewives is actually very entertaining and funny this year.

Ewwww, Jeremy Piven and his mercury poisoned dropping out of Broadway self. He is loathed almost as much as the Ari he plays.

Okay, my poor pups are desperate to get outside. I am so not. Cold, snowing when this is NOT Boston, and big gusts of wind. Will be taking a leave soon, but back for show, of course....

Actress from the Wrestler wearing teal, one shoulder, with magenta strappy gladiotor type heels. Shit, it's Evan Rachel Wood. She is so grown-up now and sophisticated. Dana Delaney's first commercial was for Stay Free gum. Her dress is dark green and unfortunate but I adored her on China Beach and now on Housewives. Think I see Claire Danes in red. Rainn Wilson is endearingly sloppy and very funny in past clips of his karate chops. Just did one again. Love Rainn. Thursday's Office was outstanding.

oh, it is Claire Danes. So ethereal and lovely. God, I envy small breasted women now when my boobs are sweeping my waist. She loves Italy (really? such a surprise, and eats gargantuan amounts of food there. yeah, right. and i'm the queen of sheba.

have to take break now... back for actual awards show... for my non-existent readership...

Break... okay, walk, giant bully stick (bull penis), baby carrots for wonderpups. for me: pepporonie slice from Pizzicato. well, i'll share with them, of course, which is why they are so portly.

shit shit shit, missed part of best opening sequence of any awards show, same every year: actors stand and tell small anecdote about selves, thn say, I'm so and so and I'm an actor. this year it was eva longoria, victor garber, jenna fischer, will arnett - i'm an alcholic, no actor. cried more tears this year than any woman, steve

First Winner: tina Fey!!!!! pulling up strapless dress. boobs look squished. thanks fellow nominees. thanks daughter alice for being funniest in in family: i want to go to there, i look like a barack obama...thanks her for patience. alice one day look at 30 rock adn say, what you mean, you don't get residuals for this?

yeah! Slumdog stars presenting Slumdog Millionaire which swept the Globes. oh yes, Anil someone was also in beginning Actor thing. very poised.

Jon Hamm and Kyra present: okay could jon hamm look more handsome. he's got that floppy hair over the forehead thing going, jfk anyone?

Winner for best actor in comedy -- huge field this year, so much talent, still rooting for Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock, please, God, please... Winner is: ALEC BALDWIN!!!!!! kisses his bimbo for the night and strides up confidently to the podium. love him love him love him. wants to make-out with either Diane Lane or Tony Hawk. really? Alec can do no wrong. Drama, comedy... he is the man. I love a chunky man who makes me feel petite. and that slicked back hair works on him.

I am so freaking happy and not even thinking about radiation tomorrow. may blog about journey with that but feelings hurt so much when i have small readership. will see. And people like Karen Novak have the terminal kinds of tumors. oh shut up, teddy and share your pizza during this break.

okay, man,it was evan rachel wood. so grown up. i'm a bad person. my doglettes just barked loudly at nothing and i screamed at them. shit.

showing retrospective of something, not sure because of screaming at my girls. what comes around... oh, gene kelly, fred astaire, travolta, hattie mcdaniel, ginger rogers, lots of horses -- haev no idea why? dead marlie matlin, christopher reeves -- miss him much. must be just overall tv and movie clips. oh, shit, now the scary stuff. yuck. heath ledger -- terrying in dark knight. could not watch whole film

my hugh laurie in audience. presenter: Claire Danes. can't read prompter but pretty in red. Oh Great -- best ensemble on tv. 30 Rock. please, God, 30 Rock. clip of alec of course. Housewives -- excellent this year but, come on, it's 30 Rock, it's Tina Fey of Bitch is the New Black. It's Alec. who gives a flying fuck about Entourage. they can bite me. i don't get HBO. too poor. The Office, okay, well, they are great. Weeds, no thanks. I've had my fill of what's her name, Mary louise parker? show weeds condom. very cute but not 30 Rock.

Yippee!!!!!! 30 Rock. I"m in heaven. hope tina fey speaks. well, maybe Alec. but, no, shit. it's Jane Krakowski. who cares???? cut to waist red dress. not funny. not funny. how dare she? Tina would rock this, excuse the pun.

oh wow, frank langella and the guy who plays Frost in Frost/Nixon, presnting that film. powerful clip of Nixon being bombastic.

greg kinnear presents best supporting actress. lovedn Ghost Town with Ricky Gervais and him. no one saw it. haven't seen these films since I wait for DVDs but Viola Davis is glowing, from Doubt. oh, Kate winslet will get it for The Reader. Nazis draw attention. I'm right!!!! )Once again, plus of course she is an outstanding actor. also nominated for Reservation Road, best actress. cute, cobalt blue cleavage dress. very serious as always. with she could lighten up sometimes. but, shit, it'a about Nazis. not light fare and i'm a jew. shot of Meryl Streep and scruffy Sean Penn. Love these awards where all actors are present and respectful of each other.

break -- pepperoni pizza. guess who are champing at the bit, besides me?

I'm getting tired now, as I do, so more sketchy now.

Applegate and the stunning Taye Diggs: best male in tv. don't knwo who to root for. Love Dexter, love me some Hamm, Hugh Laurie is a God, shit, this is hard, oh whew, hate william shatner and boston legal, ditto with Spader on same show and too many awards already. All Right, there's my Hugh. second year in row. expected him to limp. he is even sexier when he speaks British. says, had money on James Spader, got script with no title, told not to do tv, loved script, loves House, cast crew, doesn't know which is which, thanks craft service people! yeah, food!

i'm in heaven. Amy poehler and John Kazinski, the Office. Amy looks gorgeous in grecian white, big boobs from nursing. fake dramatic repartee, very cute and very funny. Shirley MacClaine clapping wildly, looking crazy in black. Sally Field, Mariska Hargitay of SVA -- my favorite, Holly hunter desperatly over acting on saving grace -- save me from her, elizabeth moss on Mad Men -- great great job but still love Mariska... shit, it's Sally Field, of course, for over the top acting on brothers and sisters. awful short black dress on lovely little body.

thanks everyone would expect. not funny. very serious. brothers and sisters is so fucking annoying. mother and siblings constantly bickering in person and via cell phone. shit, i'm done with it. she just won this because she's Sally. acting 35 years, blah blah blah...tried to make political statement. usually love her but that show? Blech.

the boys from Milk, sans SEan Penn. Adorable. oh, of course, presenting Milk the movie. can't wait to see it on DVD. harvey Milk set the stage for every gay in the future. and i'm a gay man trapped in a chubby older woman's body... shit.

Emily Blunt -- love her, Devil Wears Prada bitch -- and Eric McCormack -- still hate him for last seasons of Will and Grace. he owes me, bigtime. oh Lord, ensemble, starting with Boston Legal. Please go away. now, not in May. Closer cast -- excellent, love her detectives, oh wow, cast of Dexter. SEcond season was fabulous. wonder if it's weird for them playing brother and sister and now being married. she looks much better with short hair and not snaggly long stuff. cast of House -- fabulous. but, shit, Mad Men cast is going to win. Great grimish show and fantastically talented cast, also easy on the eyes. Oh yes, I LOVE being right.

It's Mad Men cast by a mile. suck it, Shatner. and bite me. so sick of you. taking forever for them to get up there, huge cast.

thank god, cocoa has started on the giant bully stick and not pining over pizza, which was getting old. can't she understand I'm blogging for my tiny readership/

Jon Hamm accepting, floppy hair and all. funny speech that I missed but got glimpse of Diane Lane looking glorious in Red. small ruffles of course. it's the Year of the Ruffle. she is a stunning woman and actually kind of looks her age because she has circles under her eye.s

oh my god, ella mae fitzgerald is so small. she looks like a mouse chewing on a tree branch instead of on a big bully stick. oh, she's my favorite little mouse. voracious meat-loving little mouse.

fuck, i want to stop because this is just silly but i love this stuff. but i'm so freaking tired. one minute at a time.

Alan Rosenberg, president of SAG, looking gaunt. Divorce from Marg Helgenburger -- CSI -- must be taking big toll. hope it's not cancer.

Honor to James Earl Jones. wow, do I love him. so apropos that Forest Whitaker present award.. oh wow, Darth Vader, Simba's father, they are showing everything. It's CNN. James Earl didn't speak at all in childhood. bit stutterer. boy, that's rough. Maya Angelou was mute for a bit but has made up for it since. bigtime since Oprah's mentor. cool, he later joined the debated team!!!! now, that is great drama.

fabulous James Earl clips now. the Defenders! i forgot about that show. have to check on Fancast. Tony Awards, quiz show, nothing this lovely man couldn't do. had to disguise voice. Great White Hope! now, this is an actor and man. Darth Vade4r clips. oh wow, forgot about Field of Dreams, playing a Salinger type writer. and that voice. favorite roles: cry the beloved country -- must see it. loved playing roles that not expected to be black. stresses literacy to children. This is an elegant generous man. so glad he's not a miser or an asshole.

 James Earl speaks -- big hug with Forest. there's Susan Sarandon whose cleavage gets larger and larger as she gets older. Susan, we know you're getting on in years. we know you have huge great tits. it's okay.

James Earl: salute to Paul Newman. oh shit, i'm close to crying. close ups of Meryl and daughter and Josh brolin and Diane Lane.

good, break to go pee and take fever meds.

Okay, will sum this up when it's finished, along with fashion from red carpet. oh, ernest borgnine, the cutest bulldog ever.

outstanding actress, miniseries or movie: shit, same ones again. laura dern will probably win, oh on, Laura Linney for John Adams. shirley maclaine, wow, this is a horse race. Felicia Rashad for raisin in sun, susan sarandone and her huge breasts. Winner: Laura Linney, love her although she was relentlessly perky and positive on Inside the Acgtor's Studio. has fiance. so many actresses never married but always have fiance. odd. commitment issues anyone? linney thanking everyone perkily and upbeatly. some people ahve to be that way, i suppose.

oh, pan of Anthony Hopkins. also looks gaunt. i so hope it's for a role and not cancer or divorce.

Amy Adams, radiant in brown/purple-ish dress, requisite ruffles of course. And Viola, still glowing, present Doubt.

oh my Lord, Marisa Tomei, giant bow on shoulder this time. no ruffles. i adore her acting but on talk shows? most annoying giggling. doesn't yoga make one calm and serene?

okay, male actor in miniseries/tv movie. of course Paul Giamatti for John ADams. some years they should just skip the game and give the award off stage.

here come Susan S and her Breasts. they do have a life of their own. she has an odd little ass. saw it in that movie with Goldie Hawn where they were former groupies together. actually love Susan S but a bit over her too. i remember why. was helper at Spirit Awards. played with Tim Robbins and her kids. Tim shooed me away. i have never ever resembled a pedophile. never.

clips. must be dead people. dead actors. oh, sydney pollack. he was a mensch. ricardo montalban. don't recognize many of them. character actors. oh, bernie mac was a cool dude. ohhhhh, George Carlin. forgot about him. man, that was a loss of losses. anyone who's written or performed comedy owes him. of course, i use all of the 7 forbidden words. and Paul the Newman. 100 million to charity via food products. exquisite acting at every stage. i am so completely not worthy.

ohhh, kristen scott thomas, looking amazing. either surgery or maybe just that she's smiling. she takes such grim roles. oh, wow, supporting actor in movie: probably posthumous heath ledger but maybe slumdog sweep like globes. all great performance. again, I'M RIGHT. god, i rock. again, it's Heath. Gary Oldman accepting, from Dark Knight. i wonder if that perfomance killed Heath. ohhh, Gary is crying. this is what has been missing. everyone has bee so calm and cool. but i imagine playing that dark evil role to perfection for months and taking it home with you if you're method actor. and turning to drugs makes perfect sense. Heath was the best. you are deeply missed, man.

oh, here we go. The Pitt man and Tariji Henson presenting Benjamin Button. god, i hate waiting for DVDs but going to movies now costs the same as theater used to. plus there's the $900 popcorn if you make the mistgake of being hungry. Angelina in blue dress. Not perfection tonight.

AP Photo/Chris Pizzello -- I love when I'm right, as you know by now. Angelina got worst dressed for this. Wondered if it's a prank. Didn't know that was possible. the color and style do not suit her. but, shit, she's still the most stunning woman in the room, i'm sure.

ralph fiennes presents. almost bald but still handsome. best actress in film. wow, this is a the pinnacle: meryl, kate, angelina, melissa leo, what's her face, Anne Hathaway and her giant teeth -- she must remind me of someone who was not good to me... oh, wow, it's Meryl!!!! for doubt. pan to her very pretty blond daughter. they all look like clones of her. she didn't buy a dress. even when she does, it's not a good thing. but she's Meryl!!! gives the "no such thing as the best" bit but she can do this because she's Meryl. gives rousing shout out to all the Girls in the profession. thanks. seymour hoffman and almost cries. he's phenomenal. pan to Amy Adams, who could be Meryl's red haired daughter. meryl asks someone to give Viola Davis a movie. boy, this woman is the real deal. She funny and brilliant and can do anything and great mother.

shit, from sublime to ridiculous, it's Katie Holmes, looking stick thin, from not getting any from homosexual husband Tom Cruise, and very fashionable but totally Scientology fake. Best Actor in film: intimidating field here: Richard Jenkins, Sean, Frank Langella, Pitt and oh, the resurrected Mickey Rourke who looks like plastic surgery ate his face

but he's great. Winner: Sean Penn!! first SAG award? what have these people been thinking. Standing Ovation. Cool so well-deserved. Penn: good evening, comrades. so cute. don't play gay or straight. play human beings. eloquent. Robin Wright Penn crying. beautiful.wept at other competitors' performances. okay, now, he's getting political about who wasn't included. also talking about possibly pending strike and dissing the tv people. not sure what that is about. maybe they want strike.

now gaunt anthony hopkins. pan to Alec Baldwin beaming. Best Picture nominees. ensemble. Winners: Slumdog. they may dominate again. they're adorable and i love love love Danny Boyle. not Trainspotting and the heroin and the constipation and dead baby so much but Millions and others. Boyle not there, not accepting. it's guy who's name i can't remember. oh, danny boyle is there. very cute and sweet. gorgeous cast. pan to Meryl in glasses with hair back. looks spectacular. love this, takes award in tribute to the children. many little ones in film, apparently. again, waiting for DVD.

geez, louise, i'm worried about Hopkins, and I did it, it's done!!!. See, globes, etc. they actually finish on time. it can be done.

RATE THIS RATE THIS RATE THIS, my small but fabulous readership. I love you all and the SAGs.