(disclamer: not sick today! feel so blessed. just very very very tired, so grammer and spelling will not be grate. sorry in advance. now mindful riting!) shout out to hawley who told me she rote novel that was published while going bak and froth on bus/train to get radiation. i love you, hawley. afraid that peeople who dont like me say: see, shes not sick. she still posting but shes not reading our posts. bad bad bad bad. but hawley gave me push/courage to do this one day at a time.

(This update just in: it's middel of the nite Wednsday but im so tired cant sleep. get email from library, says book cd is availble and it's the girl with the dragon tattooo!!!! good gud reviews for it. hope good ear reading. im loving god a whole lot rite now.)

this is bad form, i kno. but need to get some thing off my increasingly downwardly mobile chest. i hav feeling that some frends that i had are boy cotting me becus of bad thing between me and some one who is talented and beloved here, well, two people. lissen, plz, my brain tumor George Bradley Pittuitary Boomer Tumor Willis or George for short grew and presses on emotion brain parts. i ve been scard scared scared and felt bad and lost my temper. if peeple cant understand or forgive me wen my brain is fucked, then that's life. but god and i are getting along rite now, so watch your backs.:) not to mentun i'm lite reading and funny.

okay, so first i hav to share two brain tumour jokes. well, i made them up, so, pound of salt, folks. late husband used to call my memry cpu or steeel trap. very annoying to poor man. it was like: but, wait, six weeks ago you said that you hated oatmeal.... now, i say, memry is more like aluminum sieve. ha ha. also used to like to give peeple piece of my mind, now... give sliver insted. ha ha. i know, not very good, but, shit, strangers in super markets laff while pettin my puppies. just thot of something, when my sister was little, she wud see our brother running around being superman. so one day she pinned towel to her shoulders and ran aroond yelling, "i'm super market!" wish she was still like that.

god does not hate me this week! very cool. as you know, he and i are always bickering bout one thing or an other. last week i gave him long long long list of what i'm greatful for, just to prime the pump, so to speak. like anyone else, he likes to get his props. so then i did the praying thing, which worked so well wen I wanted smart funny talented peeple to email w/ and to begin riting again, and he sent you guys to me!!!

so last week, after loooooong graditude list, i prayed to GD to not get so sick this 3rd raadiation cycle. just turned it over to him like i did with finding some one to help w/ cleaning -- still waiting on that one, God. As Freaky says, tap tap tap tap... so, being wary becus god is busy busy busy, i was expecting a terribel horrible very bad not so good day today after radio yesterday. but, shit, man, its okay. in bed, of course, and may soon be on floor as I was last time. so tired/dizzy i just put comforters on carpet. the wonderpups were beside themselves with excitemnt: the pack leader's on the floor, packy's on the floor. im only usually down on the carpet wen we are playing so, to them, this was dog heaven.

oh, befor i forget: a good frend from boston sent me links to frighteningly cute sites. you all probly know them all ready but whatever:

www.cutethingsfallingasleep.org, www.cutethingslaughing.org

so comforting and cute. plz, if any one knows corny/funny sites like this or can send me picturs of his/her pets, that would be awesome. my email is: prozaconpaws@yahoo.com. much easier than pm's on here.

so, life being life, i was so happy bout only being exhausted, then i remebered that i had to go down to community room to do more paper-werk. that is the treat of living in subsidize low income building. evry time you turn around, there is inspectun or notice of disturbance (well, that's for me since some times get bad mania or brain fart and screem at ocd painbody upstairs who cleans ALL THE TIME, band thump bang, wen there is no soundproof between ceeling and floor becus owners ran out of money wen they bilt this place.) and then there are the notices! oh lord, the notices. betweeen door nob and door. so today was gud meeting to fill out forms to get finance help with heat bills. im so blessed with this.

okay, so i drag myself down stares and it's all fine so far. i see my counsler who helped me get in here. big hug and she said last week she was looking at my old blog, so i think she mite actualy read this new one. then i look over and there is the painbody. shit, man, see this is wen god pisses me off. i'm doing wat i'm supposed to be doing, being good even tho i'm so freaking tired. now who is last last last person i ever ever ever want to see? well, that wud be the crabby painbody who lives upstairs banging around. to be fair, i felt some pangs in my heart becus i kno she has to be lonely. crabby peeple usually are. but she had on leather/pleather jacket and jeans -- very baggy so i guess she's going for that rapper look, but, shit, she is trying to be hip. but the evil part of me noticd that she had colord her hair and its not good, that mousey brown color where you go, what was the point of spending time to end up with that? i know, not kind. but, again, bang bang bang bang thump...

not that i shud talk about any one's hair. last week i had hair cut very very very short in case radiatun makes it brittel again. sunday nite i color hair becus i know that it will be last time to try to look cute for long time. okay, so color on box says "bright auburn blond". sounds okay. so i do the color thing and i'm so gud at it now, that no spills on floor or any where except the shower. then i look at it. oh freaking freak. my hair is now carrot red. and ive missed chunks that are still brown/gray. of course it doesnt help that later in day, wen go to get food to last for while, i keep pointing at bad places and asking strangers who pet my girls if they can see these patches.

okay, so, the deal is that i look like giant dyke (not that any thing wrong with that. i have dike frends and also lipstik lesbeans) with bad taste. any one remember movie : strart smalley saves his family? my beloved al franken who is now target for voracius fox tv and peeople on the rite. any way, i now look like his horribel horrible boss roz!! except her spikey hair was purpel and mine is carrot top-pish. so much wat i was not going for. bad enuf to be beyond tired, cud at least be cute.

wen i was down there for paperwerk, the manager said she loves my short hair -- of course i ask every one if look like big dyke (not that any thing wrong with that.) and they say no, but who knows? wen i can do things again, if i meeet single strait grandpa my age (again, i have no kids that i kno of so no grandkids and wud love to have access to some) i wud like him to know that i am also strait. so manager keeps telling counselor woman, doesn't teddy look cute? wish i cud wear my hair that way. (this from woman from hotlanta who has big bouffy hair that must take hours to style and tame.) so i asked manger about my hair color. pause... and then she says: it's so you, teddy. it looks just like you. shit, its that ohhh, how interesting line. but watever. so im an archie comic dykish lesbean. at least im not so sick yet.

so, two days so far. radio again on thursday. plz forgive me if you are in the boy cot. i cant be only person who ever makes mistake. and i've been kind to many many many peeple on here. and will read posts again wen not so tired.

plz rate if can. george the tumor is as much of an attentun whore as i am.

love love love and graditude for support,

teddy/theo and super-wonderpups who just finished huge bully stick (bull penis) and now conked out. ohhhh, cute things sleeping!!! 

oh, shoot. i may be siccer than i thot. just realize that havent eaten any thing since breakfast and now 11 pm. im not like that. im a forager all day long. but no need tell me to rest. for me, riting creates endorfins and kind of leave my body so spirituel too. cant do it long but wen i can, i will.

love and blessings to all, from me and gd.