Theodora L'Engle Knight

Theodora L'Engle Knight
Portland, Oregon, USA
July 02
Pack Leader, Her Royal Highness
Prozac On Paws: The Tale of Three Spayed Females
jewish writer/former screenwriter/recovering accountant from Boston now moldering in the rain in Portland, OR. and, yes, of course i should move but I battle with Agoraphobia and have trouble even leaving my apartment. but i'm blessed to have two fabulous service dogs, Ella Fitzgerald and Cocoa Chanel. Ella alerts to panic attacks and Cocoa to seizures. They give me a life, such as it is.

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 4, 2009 8:24PM

a 30ish man gave me his phone #. i'm 56! what do i do?

Rate: 53 Flag

okay, you have to understand that not only am i 56, i'm also undergoing radiation therapy for my benign brain tumor, george. so everything yucky that can be exacerbated by tumor treatment has been: acne, rosacea, dandruff, body pain, etc. plus i've gained 15 lbs from my bipolar 2 meds and don't see an end in sight, but what i was not factoring in is that Baby's Really got Back now.

i have to go to the pharmacy because portland, oregon fucking sucks and there is no delivery here, except pizza. in so. this was not true, but this is part of an i hate portland rant for another time. so i decide to bundle my errands given my depleted state, and i go to the library where 3 books are being held and, finally and thankfully, arte lange's Too Fat To Fish is mine!! yes, i'm part idiot. so sue me.

next stop is the gas station. something was blinking furiously on my dashboard, and i was completely terrified because i feared it was something expensive, and i am very low income and extremely dependent on my aged automobile Arianne. so i had stopped by said station and the lovely young man there had told me it was just the radiator needing more anti-freeze. whew and thank you so much. now i had the liquid but it came in an enormous container and i couldn't lift it to pour it into the radiator.

hence, the second station stop. the young man spotted me immediately even though i didn't pull into a pump but over to the side. he came right over, ignoring someone waiting for gas. i told him about the huge bottle and he immediately opened the, shit, this is what i hate about having a brain tumor, thing that covers the front of the car and poured in the anti-freeze. we chatted a little bit about tv and how we both loved all the Law and Order shows and he, out of the blue, said let me give you my number, then rushed to get it and give it to me.

i was so flumoxed, is that a word?, that i muttered, i have a brain tumor and i'm in radiation therapy, wanting to tell him without telling him that i have no libido whatsoever. he shrugged and said okay, and i drove off.

now, not only could i have given birth to this guy, see my rules in "Losing my Looks/I was a 'ho, parts one and two, but the only thing we had in common was a law and order jones. he is very cute, of course, and only a little bit gangsta with Phat Farm jeans that are a bit baggy but no underwear showing that i could see. i asked him about apple jeans to show that i was a little bit hip and in the know. sad, i know.

I've been a widow now for at least 5 years -- i think. i'm very very bad with time these days. and i have only had two horrific online originated dates since them. plus i experience what many older gals do, which is that i'm pretty much invisible, except for my wonderpups, ella mae fitzgerald and cocoa chanel, who are the main attraction. so the idea that someone male, anyone, male could be drawn to me really freaked me out.

What the hell do i do, folks? does this guy want to be friends or is this a booty call thing or is it a dating type thing? i'm completely socially inept now, my brain being differently abled and my having had a great marriage and no desires at all, given the ssri's and the radio treatments. god, i wish so much that i could transport myself back to my days of being a 'ho in hell lay and then in my early 40s when my libido went into high gear from the hormone changes. it would all be so simple. coffee or dinner and then wild or not so wild sex, satisfying or not, depending on the guy's interest in all things oral. but i'm not in my 30s anymore so i have to work with the lack of sex drive and hope that maybe it can be rebooted when and if i meet the right person.

please help me here. do i call this guy? i'd love to have a male companion with whom to have a beer once in a while or walk the dogs or something else that is casual. wouldn't mind someone paying for dinner, but he works in a gas station and probably has as much money as i do, which is very much not much.

love love love and gratitude,

teddy/theo and the wonderpups

PS PLEASE RATE MY POST. no matter how sick i am, i'm still a big attention whore.  

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I think you talk to him about Law and Order.

Personally I like the old old ones with a young Chris Noth . . . the latest ones with sexy Jesus (can't remember the actor's name -- he at one time played a sexy Jesus before he was the sexy but nuts brother on Six Feet Under).

Anyway, can it hurt to have someone to discuss TV with? He more than likely does care about your health and just might be a nice person to know.

I do understand what you are trying to say. I have not been back to find the engineering professor who flirted with me last month. I'm in recovery from radiation and many cancer drugs and just hate the way I look and am not comfortable flirting at all . . . hope to be some day.
wow, sweetie, thanks for the quick response. i wish i'd taken in that you were going through the same shit as me with the radio. did it work? please pm me and tell me what went on. so you really get it about how not attractive i'm feeling.

thanks for the reassurance. maybe he is just a nice guy and just likes me. that would be perfect. i LOVE talking tv, being an addict and all. and, girl, go flirt with the freaking professor!!!! there is nothing to lose and flirting is good for the soul and heart.

love love love and gratitude and pm me please.
Fuck him hard and kick him to the curb.

Get your meds from Wellpartner (No, I don't work for them).
I think... if you feel like calling him you say, " i'd love to have a male companion with whom to have a beer once in a while or walk the dogs or something else that is casual"
Then, you see what he says.

Good luck.
I'm with the crowd, cause I'm easy that way, call him up and say, uh, never mind what I would say, I'm a perv!! :) forget the age difference, age's just a number that attach to some documents they have on you!! And add 'you're only as old as you feel, I'm 37 right now, I feel like I'm hitting 80, my doctors, they tell me I got the body of a hundred year old dead man. ;)
I like CB's suggestion only because it's so outrageous. However....I think you call him and talk to him. See where it goes. If it goes well then you can follow CB's advice.

Enjoy this. Really.
What's the worst that could happen? Call him.
Age is just a number... past 20 I don't think it matters anymore.

Obviously this guy saw something in you that intrigued him. As the others have said, call him, take it casually, and see where it goes.
Well. I hope that you felt complimented! Kinda nice, eh? Even with everything else.
Go get some more gas there. See if he is friendly. You might suggest an email correspondence first. Get to know each other.
Do be careful of yourself. remember, he is a stranger however cute.
Life gives you fun.
You call him and see where that takes you.

It may simply be that he needs a friend and someone with whom he can discuss Law and Order. It could be something more. Either way, we're not talking marriage here. Just one little phone call and see what happens.

Have fun and let me know how it goes. I'm rooting for you. (rated_
have sex with him if you can detach emotionallyand if you feel like getting laid (but know it's just about sex.) but even if you don't, hey, fels good to be on a young-uns radar, right? eh, some (not all!) men (still) do it whenever they can ... oh! but don't become his suga mama.
Do you remember what Eddie Murphy aka "Buckwheat" sang : "Wookin' for Rub in all da wong paces...wookin' for rub in two men's faces" ?
catamitebastard commented:

"Fuck him hard and kick him to the curb."

there's really nothing i could add to that.
What can you lose by calling him. You might end up with a good friend. No one can have too many friends. OR you may end up with a very fine romance. What have you got to lose?
The highlight of my day (okay, one of the highlights) for the past 2 years has been when my Taerobics instructor, Kareem, sang "Little, Bitty, Sexy One," to during class each day. (Past tense, because recently Kareem stopped teaching.)

At 56, while still in pretty fine shape (really hard work---but more likely, good genes) I know the invisible feeling. I know the feeling when my smile no longer does that old, once counted on magic.

Kareem made me feel visible again---even if it was just for a second on a crowded Taerobics floor. What's the harm in meeting your young thing for coffee? No one says you have to stay for dessert.
Give him a call.. see what is on his mind.
god, i don't have the enrgy to thank all of your personally. i so wish i did. i'm overwhelmed by the kind encouragement. thank you all. well, cb's advice not so much. :) again, no libido and terminal cellulite. but it's a good fantasy to add to the many others. and, yes, a friend would be fabulous. but i'm phobic of the phone. seriously. so i really appreciate the stop by the gas stationg again idea, o's. i can do that. and ask him if he would like to do something casual. if he wants something else, i'll just be clear.
and, yes, mah and o'stephanie, it is so fucking nice to be "seen" by a cute guys. will thank you all individually after a big big nap.

love love love and huge gratitude..
56 is not old.

If your writing is at all indicative, you have a lot to offer - intelligence, wit, etc, etc.

As to the young man - you are getting way ahead of yourself. You know almost nothing about him except that he likes Law & Order. For all you know he is gay and looking for a big sister.

Call him. Watch some Law & Order. Share a beer. Hang out. Laugh a little.
thanks again. please rate if you haven't. i'm still an attention whore.
Hee. Funny seeing the balance swing from Catamite to o’stephanie (even though we all know Catamite was only being, well, a funny Catamite). I don’t have a suggestion for you, but it’s a nice story and I was glad to hear it, Theodora!
Grab a cup of coffee with him first - just conversation - see if you really like him, as a person, and then go from there. No date, no pressure, just a cup of coffee (no alcohol!) and see what he's really about. Good luck - be flattered!!!
Hey honey!

Age is nothin' I say call him and let whatever is meant to happen, happen. You may have a real friend there and perhaps even more. You won't know if you don't call. :)

Good luck and you have to keep us posted!

Theo goddess,

Maybe garage guy is as lonely as you are-? Maybe just speaking with you about Law and Order reminded him, and he wanted to continue the conversation with someone as geeky tv as he is. Maybe, just maybe he prayed for Law and Order Goddess, and you showed up? Or, perhaps he just liked how your eyes lit up when you spoke :D. Either way, just have a beer and a dog walk with the guy. Maybe you have a new beer friend. Perhaps you have a new TV friend. Or, perhaps when you feel better, you have a new friends with benefits buddy......huhuhuhuh.....Just don't put any EXPECTATIONS on it, and see where Cupid goes.
thank you for such kind counsel, well, except for paris who agrees with cb's fuck him and kick him to the curb. you are all so comfortign and wise, again except for cb and paris. i will thank everyone individutally wen im not so tried. i'm canine-american tired right now. :) meeting him for coffee sounds like a perfect idea. maybe he is lonely. rarely occurs to me but i read all the time how lonely americans have become.

love love love love and gratitude
I have no advice. But I liked that many men commented... guess when I next want to find the 'male perspective' on dating, etc., I'll come here and ask.

Now, I have no illnesses that I am battling (touch wood). But one of my best friends and I (we're 10 years apart, she is 10 years older than me) often talk about how we now feel invisible to so many men our age. It seems that the single men our age are dating women who are 10 to 20 years younger. One male friend who so often goes through these crazy dramas with his girlfriends... well, no wonder. Those women are in their 20s. If he wants someone with more maturity, he should look for someone closer to his age (he's in his 40s). Same goes with several other single men I can think of. Anyhow, there are these off-putting yet subtle comments here and there we pick up on... women, as we age, are no longer considered sexy. Yet, the men are often looked at as distinguished and still 'possible material'. Yeah, huge stereotyping here.

I mean, I'm in good shape. I have young skin. Dye my hair (family trait, very early graying), although sometimes let it get out of hand in between. Petite. Fine facial features.

Pisses me off, too. But yeah, it might be nice to have male company as you walk your dogs.
You have watched Law and Order so you know how this turns out. Grease monkey spots ditzy woman in station. Helps out and sees no ring (she is alone). Helps out a bit more and finds she volunteers way too much information (Is it necessary to tell a guy at the gas station about recent surgery?) He may have cadged a credit card already but figures why not go for the whole enchilada. Smiles a bit and plays to need for attention, and leaves his number. Woman calls, they get together. One thing leads to another leads to a place at which you are defenseless. Credit cards cleaned out in six hours before the body is found in a shallow grave. Car sold. Identity sold. And I'll spare you the details of what he did to the corpse.

If I were your brother I would check this guy out but good.
I think you should listen to yourself: "i LOVE talking tv, being an addict and all. and, girl, go flirt with the freaking professor!!!! there is nothing to lose and flirting is good for the soul and heart."

Except change out professor for gas station guy.

And woooooooooooooo for cute men noticing!
she lied has the right idea, though it would be so much easier through email. i love email.
Hey...I've just come over to my page here, and found yr interesting blog! From what I read, this young chap LIKED you and is reaching to be in touch... I say go for it, and keep it casual... if it starts going down a pathway you don't want; just bring it back to where you want it to be... a simple word or two, kindly put, will suffice!
Good luck, sexy mamma!
I'm 54 and my husband is 71 and we live out in the middle of nowhere. Most of my friends are gay men or middle-aged women, and most of my neighbors are elderly hippies. So I can offer you no guidance whatsoever on this one. But you really should call him back; if nothing else, it will give you some good blogging material.

I'm laughing at your response to his hitting on you: "Sorry, but I have a brain tumor." Bet he's never heard that one before!
Step One: Admit that you are fun and attractive. What does being 56 have to do with either of those things? Step Two: Visit the station again and see how things go with him. Step Three: If Step Two goes well, meet him somewhere for coffee, dinner, whatever. Unfortunately, you do need to be careful with what you share with him. You have no way of knowing what kind of person he is. Step Four: Enjoy the fact that you were hit on by a younger man.
I was totally going to write basically what jimmymac said, then scrolled down and saw he explored the Other Bad alternative. You can meet him for coffee... maybe. And you can figure out how to see if this guy's genuine. Otherwise, enjoy the giggle it gave your day, and call it even.
Don't call him -- send him a text!

1. That's what young people do now...they barely ever actually talk on the phone.

2. It's a much easier, more casual, and less intimidating form of communication. Plus you have as long as you like to think up something perfectly witty and breezy to say. No worrying about awkward pauses. Send him a funny hello and then see how he responds and where he takes it.

Younger men are the best!
I read this and thought how wonderful for you and had all kinds of things to comment but it seems they've been said. I saw how you don't like the phone (neither do I). You can't email because you have a phone number, not an email.. So I though I'll suggest you text him - hopefully that number was a cell phone number. But darn it Kryptogal beat me to that as well. Anyhow, definately call or text and just talk but do be careful. Don't bring him home or let him know where you live and meet in public places just in case.
Okay, cutie patootie, at this point, you HAVE to call him, because you have a captive audience for the story of how it goes. And seein' as you're a self-proclaimed attention ho, that thought oughta excite you at least a teensy bit, eh? ;D

Call him. I tend to be straightforward with the youngins, which totally disarms and charms them and gets the ball in my court. What I mean by that is, I'll say something like, "So, you asked me to call you. What's up?"

Simple, really. His answer will show you where to go. But before you call, make sure you know exactly where you're willing to take it.

Plus, it never hurts to take the flirting muscles out for a spin, now does it?

What have you got to lose? Maintain your boundaries and see what happens. Good luck, let us know how it turns out!
I love how you have named your car (our first was Ethel the Escort) and the "wonderpups", but do I read correctly that you have named your brain tumor George? Now I know the last president was something of a bust (something of an understatement), but not everyone called George is such a shit. Couldn't you have called it Terence Tumor or Brian the Brain-lump?

Anyway, rather than caling the guy, start buying your gas there and say Hi any time you see him. See if he makes conversation again. Maybe go for that coffee.
"Brian the Brain-lump"....teehee

and I haven't even met that person ...

nothing much to add except "go for it"...worst case (other than the weird stalker thing) is he figures you could use a little manly assistance...
I agree with catamitebastard.. Hey You need to enjoy life and if a younger man gave you his number call him up invite him over and well fuck him until the sun comes up and then sun goes down again. Why not? Life is too short to worry about the circumstances or problems. Just have fun and be safe. I would if I were you.. LOL

Great post!! Loved it and I hope you get feeling better. Now go get you some...LOL
OK, first thing is to read Too Fat to Fish (and if you ever have the opportunity to listen to the audio book, do that too!). It's an incredibly honest tragicomic memoir and you are in no way part idiot for being fascinated by the personal trainwreck that is the life of Artie Lange. Artie's a master storyteller and this book will make you laugh and cry.

Now, here's the important part, so pay really close attention: Once you're done reading, ask yourself "what would Artie do in this situation?" and then do the exact opposite.
Call him !
What could it hurt ?
Great story ( and hope you get ALL better )
Well, your prose doesnt come across inept, so your better self shouldnt, as well; now that you know that,
what else can we "outsiders" looking in see?
I can see a woman, since 1997, has hated Oregon,
and for respectable (health and financial) reasons
she is required to hang out there for a while longer.
So while she continues to communicate outside
her own belt-way (which, accordingly, pushes inches still
from bipolar meds), any abrupt changes that shake her
day will continue to rise until the level of self-worth takes hold, and, ends in a rant regarding the same old states (health state, financial state, and current home state) . So long-term may be appropriate place to start before you answer the smaller questions like the one you pose.... for instance as you approach 60 you will have lived in Oregon for a quarter of your life. How will that make you feel if you havent moved before then? If you can appreciate still kicking in that land of soaked beauty, then maybe retro-analytically something will occur on your way back to this forum.
CONGRATULATIONS Teddy, both on the date possibility, and on the Editors Pick! This is pretty cool. I didn't realize this guy was someone you just met. Dating does take energy, and is a bit strange but really nice. Maybe you should just keep going by that station, or see if the guy wants to have coffee when you feel better. Carol
wow, i am completely overwhelmed by the editor's pick thing. i swear, guys, and particularly new people, there is no rhyme or reason as to being chosen for that, except i think, that they like fun or provocative things on the cover.

i cant respond individuallhy. it's too confusing for me. but i am blessed to have so many of my friends show up with great advice and humor and to see so many new people whom i would love to befriend and i hope have friended me.

i am thrilled that i keep receiving pms about how much i've helped people by putting all my shit out there, oversharing as i've come to do since the pups are service dogs and people ask me all the time what they are for and i'm honest because one of my missions is to educated about service dogs for invisible disabilities, including mental illnesses. so please do pm me if i make you feel less alone, because that is my other mission. to speak out for those who are not yet able to do so. shit, i sound so fucking preachy. sorry.
btw, for the person who wrote about oregon, not the point of the post, i've lived here since 2001, not 1997, and my illness and lack of money make it unlikely that i will move. i will continue to acclimate and if the clinical trial works, i may be less mentally addled sa well as physcially. there is always hope of some kind.

love love love and extreme gratitude -- i'm not going to fuck the man, no libido, but i will visit the gas station because i need gas and to converse a little more with the young one. and probably ask him to have coffee. in a way it's easy because if he's not into my wonderpups, that's it. they are my constant companions and life-savers, not to mention my interspecies family.
The beat, or essence of a good story, is found throughout it, and esp film, if its a masterpiece like Citizen Kane then its more easily deduced to have the quality of the entire message in every frame ... Your story is good because it is a story filled with rich clues about who you are, your dismal state of affairs, how they play a major role in everyone of your actions (and can be a great source from which you draw conclusions as well) , This is the best way I can comment on your story's final plea for advice regarding a date with a gas station attendant... What good would it do you to have readers who comment tell you what they think you should do, if their comments are personal opinions and not based from the rich resources that comprise your story?) Its clear to me (from your story) you already know what you are going to do... that kind of advice is more a device that is selfishly absorbed as it is not written in that fashion, to seek advice from your readers. You have a neat way of writing your situations, and I am sure many seek you out to reassure that you are alive and well. very convincing. I liked it. thanks for sharing
thank you so much, aspect. i understand what you're saying but truth is i don't know wat to do and am not sure at all and many of my friends are wiser than i am. so reaching out for their thoughts feels really good to me. this wasn't meant to be a story as much as a small painted picture and then a request.

but i am so grateful for you liking my strange point of view. i've been told in many ways that i'm an acquired taste but whatever.

love love lov e
I'm 61 and have a "young man" friend that is just short of 40 years younger than I. We are strictly platonic. But we are great friends. We have so many things in common. We have fantastic conversations. So I encourage you also . As others have mentioned , for just incases ; meet in a public place in the beginnng.
Age has nothing to do with it. Call him, you'll never know till you call. He might be exactly what you're looking for, go for it!
I agree with everyone who says call him. If you want:)
And I love catamite's comment. I just love it.
what fun! And I think it is great for you being up for something in spite of everything.
Call, he was happy to fill your, uh, RADIATOR, yeah. So no doubt he'd be willing to help out with any fluid refill you might require!
Hold onto you wallet (SSN card; credit cards; cash hoard; jewelry; etc.) Love 'em and leave 'em. ALWAYS keep your guard up. He is still a stranger. Cheers!
I agree with most here...connect with him either at the station or by phone and see what happens.
No matter what keep writing because you are good and we like to hear your voice. I too love that you name every thing!
Keep the light on so others can see.
Love to you all ways.
I have nothing to add except that I love your sense of humor and the way you write! If you do call him or see him again, please give us an update on how it went. I pray for your health and that the encounter with the cute guy works out great!

I can't add much to what others on here have said but I had to click on your headline just to come here and say DO IT!!! Honesty and friendliness can go a long way in this world. We all need some of both.
Ok, I concur with everyone who told you to call the man. Just do the damn thing! That's my mantra for 2009. I think you might have a good time (if you know what I mean). I do say keep it light and have coffee. I don't really suggest a text message because he may interpret it as a 'booty call'. (I've been told that's how they start.)

Remember, you are not going to have radiation forever. STELLA, get your groove back!!!!
I'd like to say that age never matters, but of course in our own heads it does. I am married to a man who celebrated his 38th birthday last November; I will be 56 in August.
Most of the time, age doesn't matter. It certainly doesn't to him ... but I'm sure there are times when my own personal insecurity about being so much older annoys the hell out of him!

We have a wonderful relationship, but yes, those younger, firmer bodies sometimes make me feel worried.

All relationships are difficult at some time or another; only you know if you can handle occasionally being mistaken for his mother... and yes, it has happened to me and I didn't like it one bit!
Life is short. Stop worrying. Call him.

I'm so glad I found your blog. You are AWESOME!
Yes, it's true... you had me at "Baby's Really got Back". Some of my younger (20's) friends may be a bit squeamish about it, but my crew in the mid-30's and up have fond thoughts of 40's/50's women. Scrape up a few dollars between you and see what's what.
Get a fucking life. Like he's interested in you or your library card. How much is he going to charge you for the pleasure of raping you.
Totally not rated.
Say 'yes' to what you want, say 'no' to what you don't want and keep being your same wonderful self. Ain't life a brook?
Sometimes good things happen to people who deserve it most. Have him over to watch Zach & Miri
Ring him.

See what he has in mind, maybe he only wants to be a friend (lol); maybe he finds you attractive who knows? But it is good for your ego at this time regardless.

Loss of libido is something I have been through but it is back with a vengence (I'm 59 and now a widow) and looking at a very cute young stud may even kick start it.

So the worse that can happen is is says he is not interested the best ... you feel great!

Rated for your addiction to attention
oh lord, there are so many wonderful posts that i didnt' realize were there because of being so tired. thank you all for the encouragement and love. i will befriend you when i'm a little better and please fried me. wow, i'm so grateful for all the comments about my writing being good and someone being so happy to find my blog. makes me want to raise my game even higher.

love love love and immense gratitude for all of you. i won't be able to give individual resonses. never been this popular!! it really warms an irradiated girls's heart.

going to get gas today after a loooooooong nap and will report in if he's there.
Invite him over and watch Harold and Maude, then be prepared to pay.
I would be very, very careful. I'm not saying that you are not gorgeous, but, what's his motivation? Gas station meeting? Phat farm jeans? In my neck of the woods, that is a little sketchy. If you want to call him, call him, but I would not bring him back to your house (or go to his alone), I would not use a credit card around him and if you do go out I would bring some mace (I have some attached to my key ring, so it doesn't have to be all OMG MACE!!). Just trying to look out for you, you know?
Well...I volunteered at a rape crisis center in college, so I suppose take my comments with a grain of salt. He's probably fine.
My mother is in a ten year relationship with a man younger than she is. Nothing wrong with making a move and seeing where it goes.
Expect nothing but except anything... within your comfort zone.

Age means very little. Back when I was 19 (between HS and University) I was working fixing office equipment. I ended up dating many older women - I think the oldest was 45 at the time. Though, I wasn't doing the hitting - I was pretty bloody shy.

My advice, keep topping off the tank :-) If the chemistry continuous, try texting if you have "phone phears".

Then, coffee or tea. Quick and easy. See what happens.

Given the fact that he is male, chances are pretty good that physical intimacy is a significant motivation. Take it as a compliment. However, even we males truly enjoy a lively conversation, a warm hug and a good snog.


Oh - rated :-)
Teach him the horizontal limbo as only a 56 year old can...Seriously? Make a new friend, at minimum; have great sex if he's worth it. At 56 years old you can do whatever you damn well please...