i've just lost two friends. & i did nothing wrong, for once.
(if you're new to my blog, please read this instead or in addition. it's my Voice, if you will. or if you haven't read it. it's my first POLISHED chapter of my memoir Prozac On Paws, The Tale of Three Spayed Females, about recovering from agoraphobia with the help of a fabulous Service Dog!! http://open.salon.com/blog/theodora_lengle_knight/2009/09/15/1st_memoir_chapter_the_fibroid_tumor_that_ate_santa_barbarai
I was told something horrible by one friend who was talking about another friend of mine. the subject put my values and my integrity to the test. bear in mind that i am clinically depressed already. i asked one to back off for now because i'm already in intense pain. i asked the other for an explanation of what the other was saying. there was no backing off or explaining. i've lost two friends. people and life are way overrated and i'm in the kind of pain that i wouldn't wish on anyone but my ex-con sociopathic "mother" or a genocidal dictator or a republican.
please please please, if you know that someone is in despair, please find someone else to talk to about your shit. please. to do otherwise, to put your fears and distress on someone in that state of mind, is extremely unkind. same deal with not offering an explanation when you know that a severely depressed is caught between a rock and a hard place. i know that people can only do what they can do. i get that. i did what i thought was the right thing to do and i've lost two friends.
one more thing. again, if someone is bereft and you offer to be there for that person, when the person tells you what you can do to help her, please don't immediately make her request all about you and your point of view of the world. please ask some questions, specific questions, and find out exactly what the person is asking of you. it may well be something very simple that does not compromise your sense of yourself.
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MindiTheMagnificent
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bobbot, i adore you!!! thanks for the offer. i'm pretty much burnt out on people now. if either of these people had said to me, "i know that you are in a bad state. i will find someoen else to talk to about this." or if either of them had jsut listened to me or acknowledged the awful position i was in, am in, that would have made this completley different. love love lvoe and huge gratitude for being such an excellent friend.
i know there are people who will say, there she goes again. she's just pure mean. well, i'm many things but i'm not a liar. don't pile on a person who's already in huge pain. that' sthe bottom line.
Sorry for that, Theo. Just tryin' to make you smile. I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down and out.
Aim dedicated a post to you!
Really, go see.
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Hang in there, sister.
oh, Owl love, thank you so much. i was putting my needs out there, wasn't i? wow, good for me. people are mostly self-absorbed, you're right, especially when life is this hard and confusing. but the good thing, for me, is that instead of ranting, i said waht was on my mind. that's good, isn't it! wow, i would nto have realized that without you. love lvoe lveo and gratitude and i'm so freaking emotionally exhausted that i can't even type.
no idea what else I could say but to say I hear you.
barkinglot, i appreciate you coming by. love lvoe lvoe
oh, mp, you're the best. i hate posting negative stuff. i hate it. i'm making it positive by sharing what i've learned about myself and about other people from this. both people mean well vis a vis me. shit happens. i love you. love lvoe lveo and gratitude
Wait, what?
Sorry, Hugh Grant makes me feel the same way too!! ;)
~hug~ Fuck the world I say!!! Let them eat mud pies!!
i'm not an easy person to befriend. i know that. i have my horrible cycles still because the meds need tweaking once again. and sometimes i'm just cranky and carpy. but i have enormous love and compassion and insight and intuition to offer, not to mention the hilarity and that is in endless supply, for those who know when to take things personally and when not to. but i don't put up with drama and bullshit that doesn't belong to me. well, i don't any more. and i'm proud of myself for that. and for those who have had to endure my drama, well, i always apologize, and my intention is rarely to hurt anyone. almost never. love love lvoe and huge gratitude to all of you and this week it's me me me me me. this too shall pass. i promise. :)
shit, now i have to write a small miracles post. i'll wait a few days. people are msot likely sick unto death of me and my mood disorders. :)
the cool thing today? someone's post make me so angry that i ranted and raved on it. then i was angry and not depressed any more!!! as i've said to others, i wanted to kill eveyrone else, but not myself so much. (i wasn't suicidal. my meds work in that way. it's a miracle since "i want to die" is my Critical Tapes default position.) so i'm doing much better now. got the wonderpups out to walk and got myself a maple pecan individual bread pudding at the bakery!!! thank you so much for caring, susan. you are such a lovely lvoely woman. i'm blessed to know you. love love lvoe and gratitude.
I could not get a link to your last blogs,message said 'contents
you
are looking for,not available',#$%^&*.
What the *&^%$* is happening to this world?
No compassion,not a kind word for anyone.
Anyway,I still love you,and your wonderpups,
enjoy your weekend,
Peter :)
Lunchlady!!! your rock. how are you? how is Suzie? i PMd her to make sure she's okay. please tell me to PM me back. i'm a jew. i worry. it's blown over, of course. it's all good. one person is my friend, not sure about the other. but it's not my problem. i set a good boundary and i refused to take sides. love love love!!!
Verbal, love. thanks for coming by. remember, sweetheart, i don't view things with that much judgment. no 4th grade thang. or feeling envious being high school or 5th grade or whatever. we all have emotions. they were unkind. it's that simple. i appreciate the support. you know i do. i just prefer other verbiage.
girl, now, i PMd you about the poem that Mr. E wrote for me and then about the ones that Jane Smithie wrote for me, because apparently it's me me me this week. have no idea why since i've been depressed and crabby as shit. but janie jee says that i make her laugh when i'm yelling at her so that's cool. please check out both poems, if you can. much more important than this stuff, which is why iv'e been directing people to my Chapter!!!! lvoe lvoe love!!!
and huge gratitude for all of you!!