i've just lost two friends. & i did nothing wrong, for once.
(if you're new to my blog, please read this instead or in addition. it's my Voice, if you will. or if you haven't read it. it's my first POLISHED chapter of my memoir Prozac On Paws, The Tale of Three Spayed Females, about recovering from agoraphobia with the help of a fabulous Service Dog!! http://open.salon.com/blog/theodora_lengle_knight/2009/09/15/1st_memoir_chapter_the_fibroid_tumor_that_ate_santa_barbarai
I was told something horrible by one friend who was talking about another friend of mine. the subject put my values and my integrity to the test. bear in mind that i am clinically depressed already. i asked one to back off for now because i'm already in intense pain. i asked the other for an explanation of what the other was saying. there was no backing off or explaining. i've lost two friends. people and life are way overrated and i'm in the kind of pain that i wouldn't wish on anyone but my ex-con sociopathic "mother" or a genocidal dictator or a republican.
please please please, if you know that someone is in despair, please find someone else to talk to about your shit. please. to do otherwise, to put your fears and distress on someone in that state of mind, is extremely unkind. same deal with not offering an explanation when you know that a severely depressed is caught between a rock and a hard place. i know that people can only do what they can do. i get that. i did what i thought was the right thing to do and i've lost two friends.
one more thing. again, if someone is bereft and you offer to be there for that person, when the person tells you what you can do to help her, please don't immediately make her request all about you and your point of view of the world. please ask some questions, specific questions, and find out exactly what the person is asking of you. it may well be something very simple that does not compromise your sense of yourself.