I understand the crazy cocktail. The meds they have me on seems to work wonderfully but, I was in pretty bad shape when they first put me on it. Good luck
rated

Teddy my experience is that it takes a lot of tweaking to get the ingredients right in a good "crazy cocktail". If you need me for any reason just pm and I'll come running. Okay? it will get better.

Good luck, Teddy.

And I love this line: "this is not the me of me. "

Could be emblazoned on my chest some days.

I hear the misery. when I was depressed I went on the right antidepressant and it made all the difference in the world. but they take time to "adjust" your brain chemistry. (I resist this with all my might but this is our huxleyfied world).

feel better theo. try not to beat yourself up for being human. most people that read you, get a sense of who you are. and those that don't...well..they just don' t know, do they?

the crazy lady knitting circle will keep a seat warm for you.

oh, Mical, that's good good news. there has been much tweaking over this first year after diagnosis and more to come. i didn't realize that it was going to be this complicated. coudl you PM me and tell me what is working for you? i'm finding that i have to bring ideas to them. love love love!!

oh, Bob, you rock, dude. i'm so freaking tired of the tweaking. it's already put 20 plus pounds on me and god knows what lies ahead with the abilify. it means the world to know that i can PM you. i can't tell you how much it means. i'm in my tv addiction except for posting this short piece. but i will PM you later on. love love love

and huge gratitude for both of you.

Yeah, the tweaking takes awhile. But once it gets going right, it can make a huge difference. Sending love and light your way - hang in there, kiddo!

I hope that this cocktail is mixed perfectly! I'm anxious to hear about your latest adventures, once you're reading to write. (Rated)

Teddy
Good Luck. I wish you the wellness and happiness you deserve.

thanks, Verbal. it's been much too long since i've felt like the Me of me. i know it happens for people who aren't Looney Tunes, i really get that. this is just more intense and can be deadly. thanks so much for empathizing. love lvoe lvoe

Nofrills, thanks, love. i don't resist the meds at all. never have. found out early that i have no serotonin at all. i'm so happy for you that your meds work for you. mine worked for me for the depression and anxiety but not for the irritable manias that characterize bipolar 2. the diagnosis was a relief, after 40-50 years, but finding the right mix that doesn't make me fatter? not so easy. love love love

and huge gratitude for both of you reaching out.

The cocktail thing is the hardest. Keep at 'em 'til they get it right. You will find the you of you.

oh, Owl, love, thank you so much. you've been such an excellent friend. it seems like this is going around, maybe these are just dark times and then you add in my particular biochemistry. one hour at a time. love love love!!!

Roger, i adore you, as you know. but i'm not trusting you as much to get your traveling ass to my new posts. so you will just have to wait, my love. love love love!

Thank you, Chuck. i know you know what i'm talking about, as do so many on here. it helps that i'm not alone. love love love!

and so much gratitude for all o fyour kind kind people.

Oooh. Cynicism. Love it.

oh, nikki, love, it is harder to mix this cocktail that i realized going in. it would help if i didn't mind being fatter and fatter, it seems. love knowing your real name if this is it. you're so right. i was too agoraphobic to keep at 'em but now i'm going to be more pro-active. love love love and enormous gratitude! this is just wrong.

good luck
prayers said

seriously, john. this is the post you show up for? you find my pain entertaining. glad to be of service. no love at all.

brian, thanks for the prayers. much needed. love love love and gratitude

Take it easy!

Sending out peaceful vibes your way. We'll be here when you get back.

I'll miss your humor and kindness while you're away. Hug your pups close and know we will all be thinking good thoughts for you.

as a survivor of many dental pains (especially the bills) you have my absolute sympathy. also I hope the medication helps you to feel more like the you of you. love.

Can't imagine how hard all that stuff is. You are one tough coconut fighting through this all the time. Hope you have some peaceful days real soon.

Come back soon Teddy, we'll be waiting for you! Take care!

I can't wait for the you of you to be back and feeling better. Hang in there Teddy. You're always missed.

love you (((Teddy)))

**HUGE HUGS FROM TINKY WINKY**

lOVE LOVE FOR NOW AND MORE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM THE EDGE.....

best of luck with the cocktail, T'eo.

And make them pay attention: If your teeth/gums are infected, that can effect or be effected by same as well. I.E., after they're all fixed up and you're off antibios, recheck, retweak. It's exhausting, I know.

be happy

So sorry to hear it, Teddy. I've been through this, too, and I did find a good cocktail after some tweaking. Lamictal was the miracle med for me, along with about four other meds, but I was (no, really, it's gone now) Bipolar 2 and didn't require the seroquel/abilify type of drugs.

We will worry, so will you please check in periodically?

Hang in there sweety we are all pulling for you!!!!

Theo I forgot to add that after my boy died I was so agoraphobic I didn't think I could ever leave the house again. I was told small steps go somewhere and just sit in the car and watch and only get out when you are ready. I wish I could remember the book I was given to read it was so helpful. I will think on it hard for you and see if I can come up with it! Good thoughts..............

i took a nap with the wonderpups. the hours at the dental school and then doing errands yesterday were a lot. i'm so grateful to everyone who came by with good wishes. thank you, all.

leslie basden -- i'm a nut about getting details right. i AM BIPOLAR 2, like you. but i was still given abilify for some reason. and lamictal made me fat. wow, yours is gone now. good for you. i'm envious as shit.

god, i loathe myself. i'm snapping at the puppies. they are anxious, of course, and therefore barky. more city of portland paperwork for the section 8 housing. this is pure shit.

love love love and gratitude for the kindness you've all shown. when i can't see anything funny about anything??? it's not good.

Teddy, I've had the cocktails. Was DXed wrong for years and years. I kept saying that I was bi-polar and docs kept saying that I was clinically depressed. I finally met a young psychiatrist in the county health clinic who after reading my records said "you're bipolar". We've finally settled (after two years) on lamictal 200 mg daily, 20 mg Buspar three times a day, xanax .05 if I can't sleep and flexaril for muscle pain for an old injury. I finally have found some peace and feel a bit like my old self. I would like to have my joy back. I will keep you in my thoughts.

come back soon! love, e

The thyroid will make you lose weight. I'm jealous. You really do have to make a lot of these medication decisions yourself, in the end, because doctors prescribe for the average person, and when one is not average, well, it's harder to get it right. Good doctors in my definition are those who don't argue with my report of how something affects me. I hope yours are good.

My psychiatrist has now added Abilify to my bipolar 2 cocktail. I noticed some overall improvement in my mood, but when I went up to 7.5 milligrams I became utterly exhausted. I wish I could be reducing the # of med.s I am taking, rather than adding new medications. I don't know if that this is a realistic goal. I hope you find your balance.

Lamictal is thought to have far less of a fattening affect, which is why I insisted on trying it. It's actually an anti-seizure med. The first mood stabilizer I tried was Gabatril, but I didn't do well with it. I was also on two antidepressants, tranquilizers, and sleeping pills. It's tough that we're all different in terms of what will work best, but there are lots of meds out there. I didn't want to take lithium because it causes a lot of weight gain in most people who take it.

I think mine came on as a result of a serious drinking problem. I'd have never gone off the cocktail if I hadn't lost my insurance, but it turned out to be a happy ending. I've taken antidepressants for most of my adult life, but I'm not taking ANY psych meds at all now, and I'm doing fairly well (it has been a few years now since I stopped the meds).

I lost my job in April, and I'm still unemployed, so I'm really keeping a close eye on my stability. I've been a bit troubled of late, and I am thinking of taking up the antidepressant again, at least until I'm working. Stress does a number on my mood, and people are mentioning to me that I've become rather reserved. I worry about a full-on bipolar relapse under the circumstances. I hope I never have to go through all of that again. We're going to try a bit of exercise as it usually helps my spirits.

I'm certain you will find meds that will work with tolerable side effects. You won't feel this way forever, although I know well how interminable depression feels, how futile it feels to keep looking up, trying to catch a glint of sunlight from deep in the pit.

It's really sad that many of us are left to choose between a weight problem and a psych problem. It hits women especially hard because we are so committed to looking fit and healthy (and sexy). I chose to get off the roller coaster even if it meant weight gain. If I'm miserable, nothing matters more than finding stability and hope again.

((Teddy))

Good luck with the new meds, Teddy, I've heard good stuff on Abilify but I hope the doctors are considerate in tweaking it to suit you perfectly. It's encouraging to hear you're going to the dentist as well, though it's another stressor it also means you're caring for yourself and getting out. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing as the cocktail kicks in? I'd love to see a photo of you in that rain-jacket when you're able to post one! I'll keep that image in my thoughts and prayers for you while you go through this. (((Love and hugs to you and the wonder-pups)))

I hope they get the medications just right so that you will be the you of you again very soon. I will be thinking good thoughts for you and the wonderpups, too.

Sorry I'm late, Teddy--but when I saw you'd posted I ran (and for someone in a wheelchair, that's quite a feat--or feet--or something!) to get here as quick as I could. And this is a good news/bad news kinda thing. Good that you got out and saw the dentist (ouch!) and they're trying another mix of drugs. Bad that you're depressed. I'm sending only good thoughts, only warm wishes, only big but gentle hugs your way. We'll be here when you're through the dark valley and walking up the side of the next mountain--just make sure you take us along for the hike! Let me know if I can help in any way. Oh--and I'd love to see a pic of you in the new jacket, too! Rated. D

Newbie here. A depressive since surviving a head-on long ago (specifically, post-stroke, a thrown clot in cervical artery consequent to healing chest trauma-- learned 90%+ become clinically depressed post-stroke). anyway. More to the point, I'm Mom to a bpI, who has run the gamut of dg from "adhd" n childhood-- meds for that made him depressed-- "clinical depression" pre-pubescent-- meds for that made him hypomanic-- & the 3rd time they tried adding back in something for the "adhd" [you know for those all important grades haha] had a psychotic break. Poor guy also has an autoimmune disease which has majorly flared in young adulthood, so we know our way around pain meds too. I am not particularly prone to adverse affects; he can barely tolerate an aspirin-- is able to use a few swallows of coca-cola to 'tweak' a dose of morphine which is a fraction of the usual for his periodic high-level visceral pain.

Now, sad story aside. Just want to share so many years, such a wide gamut of med experience with you. Signed up on open salon to do this! and not trying to depress you further. Please be very very careful dear lady. Go online & get a mood chart (if you don't already keep them daily) & institute the self-nursing bit as you trial med changes. I am unhappy that you are making several changes at once. How will you know what's doing what? Re-think it. With or without the dr' s guidance [i.e. if you can get him on the phone haha maybe in Canada or UK not in this country :-(] try to re-organize doses so you're trialing one at a time for 3 wks at a time. Obviously start with the upped thyroid med, that's the most important. Though I would immediately proceed with lowering Cymbalta (congratulations on that move BTW-- good god!). Then tweak the gabi up bit by bit to see if it helps. Stay away from abilify until you understand all this other stuff. Oh I hate to tell you this if you don't know it already--- the docs are flooded with free samples of abilify right now. I live over in BigPharma alley (in NJ) believe me I know the score. Even our fave pdoc suggested it to my poor son who immediately lost all trust in this otherwise excellent chemist--- guess he forgot to check the old records to see that abilify (along with every other anti-psychotic trialed) added to an increasing trend of adverse motor side effects, culminating in med-induced parkinsonism.

Abilify may be OK for you. It's not some beall & endall. It's been around. the only thing different is that the creeps in BigPharma have another teeny-tiny study that shows some positive effect on intransigent depression, & abilify, since its not an SSRI nor an SNRI, is less likely to hurt you as a bipolar. (Who on earth gave you CYMBALTA?) Abilify is certainly worth a try. But separate it out from the other stuff. You need to be able to watch carefully for motor affects, which start as a kind of low-grade physical restlessness. any kind of restlessness in the first week: be on orange alert. Also: consider whether you've tried other anti-psychotics in the past (seroquel, zyprexa, risperdal) & how they've helped or hurt. Abilify works a bit differently but it's a similar med.

Oh god I could write novels! don't let it get you down! be your own nurse. Go step by step. give each med or med combo change at least 3 wks. Keep careful records. Bring your records in to your doc each time you go.

Most of all GOOD LUCK! Write poetry! How I get where you're coming from kiddo. so glad you have those sweet dogs.

god bless

Teddy, I am so sorry for all the pain, I hope the new meds will help. Sending healing thoughts your way.

Theo - you are in my thoughts and prayers. And I so look forward to reading your wonderful words when you are feeling like yourself again. Take care!

Been there, done that.
It takes quite awhile to find the right mix and dosage.
There's really no other choice than to report what happens.

The analogy that helped me the most is this:
It's like diabeties; if your body chemistry is bad you take the meds.
It's not your mind that's crazy it's your chemistry.

My diagnosis took 40 years.

wow, well, i'm glad i posted this. i suspected that there were some other Bipolar 2s out there and it seems that i was right. thank you so much for coming forward and sharing your wisdom with me. and some comfort. and i'm hugely grateful also to my friends and readers who have stopped by to give me support.

i'm at the height of my Fatitude and my hair (which is desperate for a good cut) is mostly gray -- which is rare for me because it's so not flattering -- so please take any photo of myself in the new animal print rain jacket with a pound of salt. i'm flattered that two of you asked to see it. very very sweet of you guys. seriously sweet.

my goal today is to get my poor suffering wonderpups -- who did not get out yesterday because i suck -- to Rite Aid since the super Dog Lovers there are working until 3 PM, i think. Cori and Diane go nuts over the girls and my canine-americans go insane with excitement and joy. pretty good deal. cocoa chanel literally squeaks with delight and she's not really a squeaker except in relation to the siamese kitty down the hall whose dickhead human is rude rude rude to me. we don't go there anymore but cocoa stops and sniffs the door every time and i hate him a little bit more each time. but whatever. we are all low income seniors here and we have all suffered greatly in our own individual ways. love love love and gratitude.

PS. i love you all but i really really really dont' do well with being lectured to, with being given ADVICE in general. i'm 57 years old, i'm not a child, and i've battled with depression since i was 6 years old. so i know that altering and adding 3 meds at a time is not ideal, for example. and taht abilify is the drug du jour. if you have your own agenda about bipolar and its treatment, please please please post about it yourself!!! please do! there are others on her who have bipolar children and they are dying to share information with others in the same situation and to give and get support and comfort!!

when i'm better -- i was feeling better but that whole Dental THANG just pulled me back into the morass -- i'll PM some of you individually to share my wisdom and to gently push some of you to share your own stories in psots.

Sorry I have been away and not here much, but I do read your posts. I also know about meds, esp. thyroid. My thyroid works sometimes and sometimes doesn't, it is not constant or consistent. So we go up and down. With me the thyroid mimics bipolar as the symptoms are the same. I'm right there with you on that.

Oh, I wish I could take Cymbalta. IT works wonders for me but I am allergic!!! It really helps with the muscle aches.

Sorry you have to gave a different mix, I do know what that is like. Many hugs your way!!!!!

I love animal prints too but too afraid to wear them, around here not many people are fashionable.

LOVE and hugs!!!!

Teddy, the pics are super! Thanks SO much for showing them! The coat is "da bomb," as my friend Dichelle says. And I agree with the pharmacist--your hair looks really good! (Hey, I thought you said you were FAT. Not so. At all! You wanna see fat, I should send you a pic of me. Now THAT'S fat! I'm just not sure I could get all of me into a picture--unless I stood really far away from the camera!) Anyway, you look mah-velous, dah-ling! Wish I could rate again! D

I really love your pics, Teddy!

you guys are all so freaking sweet! Leslie and YO, thank you so much for coming and looking at my photos! so lovely of you and on a saturday night! it's weird, i don't photograph as heavy as i am. not sure why. and it's all relative. i had worked so hard to lose 20 lbs and then the lamictal put is all back on me and more. i just don't feel comfortable in my body this way.

and, YO, you, love, are in a chair and can barely move. of course you've gotten big, sweetheart. i'd be the same way. what saves me is having to walk the canine-americans. don't they look so happy with the rite aid staff? it's the cutest thing.

you know, the coat is perfect. it covers everything i don't want people to see. who knew?

brenda gail! i had no idea that you read my posts. thank you. i'm so sorry that you're allergic to Cymbalta when it works for you. that is truly suckatitious. love love love! something will work. i know it. nad i know what you mean about the thyroid, although, for me, it works as an anti-depressant, it seems.

and Leslie, thanks for sharing your story about the bipolar 2 and the meds that work and that don't. you may well have been self-medicating the bipolar with alcohol, what's called Dual Diagnosis, but you know that. i'm thrilled for you that your meds do the trick and that you have a regular life now. that's my dream. love love love

and, YO, as awlays i adore you for coming here and giving such support and then coming back to view the photos!!! i tried to make them fun. so happy that they came across that way. and, god, i lookk so much like my ex-con sociopathic mother with my hair that way, it's scary as hell. going to have o figure this out. love love love, YO, you are the best there is, love.

huge grattiude for you three and for everyone who has come by. i have so many thank yous to make. now it's time to take a nap with my pups. lot of time outside the house! very tired now.

Bethree5!!!! I OWE YOU A HUGE APOLOGY. you were nothing but sweet and shared information that you've learned from having a bipolar child with me and i was an asshole to you and i am so sorry for that. i don't do well with advice at all. i do better with people sharing their experience and you did both, which is fine fine fine. i get oversensitive when i'm depressed or manic and when the CFS or whatever is kicking my ass. i had no right to be such an ass to you.

what i was serious about is that you need to be posting this information on here!!!! it is extremely important that you not only have a bipolar child, you know this thing inside and out and have learned a shitload of valuable stuff. i'm so serious about this. who knows how many peopel on here have bipolar kids, diagnosed or undiagnosed? the environment is a mess, our food is a mess and/or toxic and we are seeing all sorts of thigns in kids that were never seen before.

so you would be doing a HUGE SERVICE BY POSTING ABOUT BIPOLAR CHILDREN AND WHAT WORKS WITH THEM AND WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO WORK WITH THEM AND TO TREAT THEM, ETC. look at the comments on this post again, please. several people commented about their meds and such, people whom i had no idea were bipolar 2! this post is not much of anything but when i post about mental illness in general or any of the other difficult things that have occurred in my life, i get comemtns and i also get PMs from people who are similarly struggling. so Post Away, girl!! We Need YOU! love love lvoe and gratitude

When you get a compliment from the silent, you know you have arrived. And when you get a coveted-for cloak, for $twenty, you know you got a deal. You have a sure talent for making the place you are seem the place to be.

Scoubi!!! i had given up on nagging you to read my posts. it's a trip that you showed up on your own. what lovely things to say, man. if i made Rite Aid seem like the place to be, that's awesome or sad, not sure which. but i do bring energy and humor to every place i visit so that's something good. unless someone denies me access and then i morph into The Hulk with Service Dogs. love love lvoe

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. xoxo

i love that you're thinking about me, Aim!!! but what about the raincoat? :) love love love and gratitude

I love you with animals in animal prints - the raincoat is fantastic and I bet you made that girl's day.
(You do that with a lot of people - I love the Rite Aid'ers ! They lok like my kind of peeps.)

oh wow, i make people's days???? that is one of my missions in life. i love you for saying that. and for loving my ridiculous raincoat. it's brown and black print so i can get all kinds of scarves to go with it, well, from goodwill anyway. that poor woman who sold me the coat was losing her home. but this is what is so lovely about some people. she told me that i looked like Elizabeth Taylor in it!!!! shit, i hope it was the younger version, somewhat youngerr anyway. anyway, love love love and thoughts of you and Seattle.

oh, and alison? the rite aid people aer your peeps for sure. just down to earth and kind and, well, they LOVE dogs. love lvoe lvoe