Theodora L'Engle Knight

Theodora L'Engle Knight
Portland, Oregon, USA
July 02
Pack Leader, Her Royal Highness
Prozac On Paws: The Tale of Three Spayed Females
jewish writer/former screenwriter/recovering accountant from Boston now moldering in the rain in Portland, OR. and, yes, of course i should move but I battle with Agoraphobia and have trouble even leaving my apartment. but i'm blessed to have a fabulous 9 year old service dog Cocoa Chanel. Ella Fitgerald was my Official SD. she was 11 years old and so perky and such a trooper but she passed away in July. Cocoa has been stepping up and taking her job very seriously, which is so moving. so we now have a kitten. he drives us crazy and then he conks out wrapped around cocoa and we forgive him. we thought he was a girl. i named "her" Gloria Steinem and she was a feminist and a feline-est. but it turned out that Gloria's Balls had dropped. so his name is Gary Cooper or G-Coop. as annoying as he is much of the time -- apparently he's a Teenager now -- he takes our focus off of losing Ella, which was my intent when we adopted him.

OCTOBER 19, 2009 2:20AM

More Scanned Pics &, for the boys, Elvira with big tits

Rate: 46 Flag

well, i found the box that contained my photo albums and packs and packs and packs of pics over the ages. still none of either of my husbands, but i will keep looking. for now, because i'm horribly Chronically Fatigued and sick tonight, with high fever and such, i'm posting the best of what i've found and will fill in with text as the days go by, and this flare-up, hopefully, dies down at least a little.

but first of all, this is my little photo-essay of Regular people versus Oregonians:

 me with smile 

okay, this is a "normal"/book on cd addicted smiling person wearing enormous peacock-colored earrings that make her very happy.


an oregonian 

this is the face of your average Oregonian. it's grey and raining for 9, count 'em, 9 months a year and people, for some idiotic reason, don't invest in S.A.D. lights. so everyone here appears to have at least a mild depression, which is called dysthymia or anhedonia (the original title of Annie Hall, btw). it's not quite this bad. well, it kind of is.

dick cheney smile 

and this is the lovely Dick Cheney smile that you get from some Oregonians when they realize that they probably should have smiled at your Wonderpups because they are freaking adorable. it's not right, i can see now, because the "smile" part should turn downward. but, hey, you get the idea.

so here we go now with the scanned pics!


me as baby  

okay, obviously, this is me as a baby. i will admit that i was a fabulous infant. my ears are still too big for my head now, btw. the smile was killer out of the gate, apparently, and the eyes are lit up too, and the haircut would be pretty hip and trendy even now.

my father fell in love with me, he told me, and came home every day to have lunch with me, which drove my jealous ex-con sociopath of a "mother" insane. he loved torturing her. so i was competing with my "mom" for his attention from an extremely early age.

i have a sense of light and kindness for my first two years. we had a housekeeper named Mrs. Massey and i remember being small and hanging out under the ironing board while she did her thang and then the postman rang the bell and he came in and it was sunny and shiny and safe. it was so lovely and i felt safe and loved and all that good carp/crap. after that, it's mostly darkness for more than a decade. i suspect that my "mother" got rid of this woman whom i adored and whom my new baby brother probably appreciated way too much. that whole competition thang. whatever, right?


me as toddler 

you would all know better, but i'm thinking that this is me about 2. note the very very short bangs that would be a theme for several years. well, you saw them in the toddler photo in the first Scanned Pics post! *

i don't remember a thing about that time in my life, but i was certainly quite feminine from an early age. i wish i could see the color of the dress.


me and mary ada 

okay, this is hard. i have no idea what age we are here. this is me with my prominent old nose and my best friend Mary Ada. Mary was chubby when she was younger, so when i was cast as Snow White in the 1st grade play, she played one of the Dwarves, the jolly one whose name i can't recall. it pissed her off that i got to eat the "poisoned" apple and that Richard Aronson kissed me, as the Prince, and other carp. long story there about how he grew up to be a big stud in 8th grade, but at the time i didn't find him hot at all. well, things more than evened out later on, as you can see, when my nose and my thighs (and, on the positive side, my breasts) grew and the cystic acne blossomed while she morphed into a WASP princess, with small breasts and lovely long legs in that blasted era of all Twiggy, All the Time! many of us ethnic gals never quite recovered from that endless excruciating Stick Thin era.

it's a long tale for another time, but i knew Mary Ada literally from the time i was born because she was a few months older than i was. our fathers were fellow shrinks -- my closest friends growing up were the daughters of my father's colleagues, so we were all pretty freaking fucked up in various and lovely ways. her family was the best friend family of our "family". we lived two doors away for years and years.

what makes this rough is that M.A. and i were close in the ways that a very jewy jew (jon stewart) and a WASPy golden girl can be, until we were in our mid to late 40s. at a certain point i sued another of their shrink colleagues, who was a freaking perp, for damages from the childhood carp, and the daughters had to choose between me and their fathers and that was the beginning of the end of those friendships. i understand why they had to do what they did, but, god, it was hideously painful at the time and since, to have no support from my closest girlfriends.



high school reunion with Elektra 

okay, this one is completely out of order, but it's time for some comic relief from my toxic childhood. this photo was taken at our 25th high school reunion, so Mary Ada and I were both about 43 years old, which makes this a year or so before the hysterectomy for the Fibroid Tumor that Ate Santa Barbara and all the agoraphobia and shit that followed.

this was one of those fabulous "living well is the best revenge" thangs that i LOVE. (there are photos of M.A. somewhere, that i will share too.) my best friend was still gorgeous, of course, but she was a stay at home Mom and not doing well with it since her husband travelled much too much for his job. she put herself together like a Mother does, and people had already seen her extremely pretty face before, while i had had my nose fixed and felt a quantum leap better about myself than i had that quarter century back, plus i had become a screenwriter and playwright and realized that i was fucking FUNNY, all of which gave me some personal power.

well, you all get it. the photo speaks for itself. i was smiling like a demon because i was wearing my favorite RED and black jacket and carrying my first ever canine-american, my fabulous Neoprene Scottie Elektra!, and i knew from the 'ho years in Hell Lay ** that i was sexy and such. well, the deal was that i ended up entertaining a huge table full of my former high school buddies, including M.A.'s husband. i was clinically depressed and covered with acne back then, so i was happily fielding all kinds of questions.

"you were so quiet in high school. what happened?"

"prozac." huge laughs

"you look so beautiful. what is the deal?"

"nose job." hilarity ensued.

well, you all get the idea.

there is more about me dancing with Danny Cody and a friend's wife (she was the local tv channel's Movie Critic so she was beautiful and charismatic) being jealous because Danny had become hawt over the years, with well-kempt beige shaggy hair and fashionably shabby clothes. he wasn't my taste at all -- my thang was/is those Black Irish guys, like Gabriel Byrne and Aidan Quinn and my late husband Richard, with the curly dark hair and the green eyes  -- but once i heard that some other gals were envious, well, shit, i danced with Danny all freaking night! forget those WOMEN SCORNED, man, there is no hell hath or fury like an ugly and morose Duckling who's morphed into a colorful ethnic Swan.

there are no photos of the 5 incredibly terrible horrible years that my nose and i spent at Miss Winsor's School for girls, a private day school. long story about this for later on. i was there from age 10 to age 14 or 15. if you've read my previous post about my ex-con sociopath of a "mother", then you know that there were six Jews in the school and 50 WASP future debutants. we Jews had to go to a separate dancing school while the gentiles went to Miss Salthers. it's funny the things you remember and all that you forget.

i eventually got to go back to public high school for 3 years. no photos of that time either, thankfully. i was nicknamed Pocohontas because i used a sun lamp to treat my terminal acne and because i had long thick dark straight dark brown hair. most of that time is gone gone gone so that i can't even picture the cafeteria there, although i know there was one. there were tough girls who were on the Technical Track -- we called them Hoods or Rats. they had catfights after school. these girls, understandably, hated those of us who were on the academic track, especially the prissy honors students, like me and my group/crowd/ whatever. We were called the Collegiates. i can remember being scared to go to the bathroom, afraid of being beaten, so there was a lot of running home from school to pee.

Then there were the Freaks and the Artsy ones. Julie Taymore, the outstandingly talented director behind the theatrical version of The Lion King and the movie Frida and so many other mesmerizing and mind-boggling (i wrote blogging first, of course. :)) productions, was in my class at Newton North High School in Massachusetts. i never spoke to her. she and her entourage were too talented and lofty for the rest of us to even comprehend. funny how i can remember the carp that i missed out on but not whatever fun shit that went on. oh, okay, there was the whole Red Sox in the World Series thang in 1967 -- we all left school to go to that game at Fenway Park or Pahhk -- and then the everyone becoming Freaks or Hippies senior year, 1970, and fleeing school to protest the Vietnam war and then there was the draft and the running away to Canada. hmmm...


me either in high school or early college  

the only photo i have from that senior year. i, obviously, had the long dark hair and i had gained 10 or more lbs. by eating the chocolate of the month boxes that came in the mail from one of the many aunts and/or the big bags of peanut m&ms that i would buy at whatever was, back then, similar to the 7/11s that we have now. i was so ashamed, because being big was taboo in my "family" and in life back then, so i would tell the clerks that all the candy was for my brothers. it was sad sad sad. one night when the "relatives" were over for dinner, i walked back into the kitchen and i heard one of the great aunts say, "Didn't Teddy get fat?" she was not great at modulating her voice.

the patterned dress was a favorite of mine, the hippie look which is now the Bohemian thang, with the fringe and the big earrings and such, was always my favorite style. i was 140 lbs. and, in Twiggy times, that was not okay. so going off to college, to Radcliffe? a big big big treat for me.

the next series of pics are from the college years. i will comment later because there are so many fabulous stories. i was one of the first women to move into a Harvard House (dorm) from Radcliffe and there were 30 women and 300 guys, preppies and jocks. let's just say that if i'd known that AIDS was on the horizon, i would have lined up all those gorgeous brilliant young men and done them one by one. more about all of that later:


me in college 

me in college with my old nose. i actually love the outfit i was wearing, very Bohemian. and the beaded necklace. the haircut? not so much. there are many many many photos of this particular night. my college boyfriend John and i went to my parents' house for dinner. when my "mother" answered the door, she exclaimed, "oh my god, you look good. Ricky (my brother), go get my camera! (back to me) you only look this good once or twice a year. we have to take some pictures." so everyone had to line up to be photographed because i, shockingly, looked good. it was a surreal experience at the very least.

okay, this is a trip. i scanned a photo of me, my sister, my "mother" and my first sister-in-law from that famous night, but OS say it can't upload it. hmmm, maybe sociopathic maternal Evil doesn't film well. but here i am with boyfriend John at a mutual friend's apartment, decorating for Christmas! god, i was thin and he was adorable -- with a bit of a Jay Leno chin, but that hair!

me and john at xmas  



jim on couch 

the youngest of my two younger brothers. i'm sure he's still this handsome but i will never see him or talk to him again because of that lawsuit. we have the same smile, i think, and that nose looks wonderful on him. he's reading a book by Judith Guest, who wrote Ordinary People. we were all voracious readers, one of the great gifts of an Intellectual "family." for a time there, when i really loathed my looks, i thought about having a sex change since i knew that my features looked fabulous on a male visage. but then i realized that I'd be a 5' 2" gay man, since i LOVED men and that wouldn't go away. i'd be a little Gay, a pocket Gay if you will. that didn't appeal to me, so i suffered for a decade and more with hating my appearance.

this brother and i were extremely close at one time. he's 6 years younger than i am. we would go to our Cape Cod house, to Wellfleet (yes, we were enormously blessed to be affluent because my father was a shrink, as i've said) together and when it was raining, we would Go Places and Eat Things. we took this quite seriously, so over blueberry pancakes at the quaint breakfast place, we would plan what we would have for lunch. it was almost always fried clams at PJ's because they were Legendary, as Barney Stinson would say.

oh, and For the Boys:

another elvira and willa 

another Halloween with me as Elvina, Elvira's chubbier older sister, and my beloved Good Willa Hunting as a Cat, well, she had no idea.





To Be Continued and Continued as i scan and narrate and this suckitude of Flutigue that i have dies down again...

if you enjoyed this at all, please RATE THIS POST. for me, since i have Early Kindergarten taste, it's like getting Gold Stars. and i LOVED getting Gold Stars back in the day. so please humor me with this.






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Fantastic photographs, funny text. Red suits you a lot, but you look like a little princess in the photograph of you as a toddler.
YEA!! More photos!!!!! Rated a billion times if I could!!!!

The Cheney Smile could be the next Model Look. Beats "Blue Steel" hands down! This is a rollycoaster of a ride, for those crisp b&w fotos of childhood remind us warm and dry the world seemed, for awhile...maybe only because we didn't see the jungle for what it was, for the palm trees...
oh, natalie!! thanks for showing up so quickly. yes, the toddler photo is pretty adorable. i can see that. i just wish i could remember... well, that's life in the big city. lvoe love lvoe!!
oh, Tinkerbelle!!!! you are getting repetitive with the rating a billion times but i love you and i love you saying taht. lvoe love love

Scoubi!! i LOVE that you know Blue Steel. one of my guilty favorite tilms. so stupid adn so brilliant. everyone on the feed is reading your post. i will get there tonight if my fever goes down. but y0u know that i think you're outstanding and so does everyone else. i'm honored that you still come by here now that you're the darling of the Cool Kids. you and Roger. love love lvoe

and HUGE gratitude for boht of you!!
great pics and great text!
Poorsinner!!! thank you for rating. and for coming here in general. yes, things got messed up because i mistakenly deleted some psots. long story. i hope you liked this one. it will continue and be much longer. lovle love love

Aim, girl, you rock. thanks so much for being here so quickly! i'm a feverish wreck but so happy that some poeple have come to visit because this was hard hard hard work. my tech skilz are near nil. love love love

and ENORMOUS gratitude for both of you.
Damn I need to get my scanner on so that you can see my wierd nose! Rated for the great pictures!
oh, Cymraeg, i love you, man. i love that you have a strange or weird nose too. it's different for women, sadly. is the text okay too? sorry, when i'm feverish, i get even more self-doubting. love love love and HUGE gratitude. you aer a doll.
Aw, yay! Yay for photos! And yay for you!
oh, annie!!!! you've made me so happy. i only read your posts sporadically because i have this stupid brain damage and shit. i keep asking people to PM me when they have new psots, but it's most futile. i'm so grateful that you came by and that you enjoyed the pics!!! i hope the text is okay too. love love love and HUGE gratitude
okay, i'm going to try to scan some more. there are so many more great photos than i realized! love to all.
So much to say:

#1 Ada's smile was TOTALLY and OBVIOUSLY fake.
#2 You ARE feakin' funny.
#3 Red is your color.
#4 I had uneven and horrifying bangs when I was young too, so you are not alone.
#5 Quit apologizing for your fatigue and other medical issues. If you were absolutely perfect all the time, you would be ANNOYING. Just Be and don't worry so much. **Hug** (RATED)
Natalie M, thank you for most of what you said, but no one tells me what to say or whether or not to apologize or anything like that. i HATE ADVICE. i hate it. i didn't ask for it and i rarely do. love love love
Theo LOVE the picture of you in red, Beautiful! As always great writing, and very entertaining. Thankees!
okay, this Not Rating shit is carp. pure carp. it's good having new readers, i know that. i'm blessed and all that. whatever.
Crystal! it's so great to see you here. thank you for the lovely compliments, girl. hope you're well. lvoe love love and gratitude
very nice! i want more!
Alexis! where the hell have you been, girl??? i love it when you come by and comment. you want MORE????? already??? well, i have a lot more. too much more. you read my mind because i'm going to post more photos after this. i won't do much text because i'm flutigued. love love love and some gratitude! don't disappear on me now. i dont' like that.
Mary Ada who?
you both the stunning & the funny one... sucks to be Mary Ada
oh, Brian, that is very sweet of you to say but i know you don't mean it because i know the women on here whom you covet. but it's still kind kind kind to pretend that i was the pretty one. love love love and gratitude!
What a wonderfully written narrative which you brilliantly accompanied with the photo essay!

I'm enjoying your sense of humor, I find myself laughing out loud at your self-depricating lines. You as a "pocket gay"...too funny teddy.

Keep up the great work!
Woo hoo! Fantastic photos, Teddy! Love you in red and the Snow White story is great. You've got it all over Mary Ada! Great post and love your stories as always. I'm still working on the 15 min. scanning but, it's a huge chore going through all the old pics. You did a great job with this, interesting! Thanks!
theo, you are such a beautiful woman!!! I love the trip down memory lane with you and have enjoyed every minute. I can't wait for more!!!
wow, Buffy!!! i'm not worthy of everything you said, girl, but i LOVE it. i find the "pocket gay" thing pretty funny myself, thank you for the shout out. i was worried that some of the narrative i added at the end might be boring. whew, i feel better now. love love love

Pamela!!! don't try going through all the photos at once. i tried that at first and i realized that it would take me forever. just skim through and pick out a few key pics that you love adn start with those. so you are breaking it down into 15 minute increments. otherwise it's overwhelming. i scanned so many photos all night here and used so few of them. i'm going to do a whole other scanned pics post about all the pets i've had over the years. you guys will die. i found a picture of the Cat Class that my algernon was in. for cats that wanted ot be in teh movies. they are all sitting on chairs. love love love and thank you so much for the kind kind words. red has always been my favorite color!
LL2!! i photograph so much better than i really look, because you can't see the acne scars and the other blemishes. not sure if it's a blessing or a curse really. no mention of MORE. i can't take it. this is hard hard work for me, love. seriously. the next one will be All Pets, All the Time to give me a break from human beings. i didn't get too heavy with the "mother" stuff, i guess. that's great. love love love and huge gratitude. can't wait to see what you have to say about Heaven. i feel like you wrote about that already but i'm clearly mistaken. i remember commenting about my belief in energy/spirit being recycled. oh well...
What a gorgeous girl, woman. I probably fell into that artsy/intellectual group. You'd have liked me though I am black Irish after all and have the thick wavy dark brown hair with hazel eyes. I'd rate it a thousand times if I could.
Hi Teddy, the Oregon smile pictures are hilarious! I was laughing out loud. Also I thought the pocket gay guy was really funny.I hate Mary Ada too.
Few people can channel both Cheney and Bohemianism. You're very versatile -- and, of course, super-funny.
Bobbot! you were totally my type. what a trip, man. we would have hit it off bigtime. i can see now that i was pretty damn cute at almost every age. but it didn't matter because i was undiagnosed and nuts! whatever. i wish you could rate this 1000 times, my friend. i worked on this all freaking night. love love love and i hope i can finally fall asleep.
Rita, love! i'm so happy taht someone mentioned the Oregon photos. i thought they were pretty fun myself. and i can't wait to read more of your gorgeous prose, girl. love love love

Steve! thanks for coming by. yes, i've had to be extremely versatile, as you can see by the various life situations. i do channel the Boho thang a lot better than i channel Cheney, thank god. love love love

and so much gratitude for all of you guys. and finally off to bed with the wonderpups. they haven't been out for two days because i've been feeling so carpy. i'm so glad that they can't tell time or dates.
What a wonderful post! I couldn't wait to get here this a.m.--so here I am! The first 3 pics of you today doing your take on the faces of Oregonians? Hysterical! I laughed out loud at the famous Cheney half-smile (though it could also be called the Popeye grimace, I think)!

Those of you as a small child are so sweet. You look like the whole world is yours for the taking--and nothing bad will ever happen to this little princess. Funny how that works, huh.

Love the college pics--you're right--you WERE freakin' hawt! (John wasn't so bad, either. Wonder what he looks like now?)

There should be some kind of reward for mothers like you were cursed with: the jealousy, the abuse, the put-downs, etc, just make me want to find her and torture her--and then murder her (and I'm usually pretty non-violent!). Your stories about her make me want to come right out there and give you a million big hugs. I know it wouldn't make up for all you've been through, but maybe it would help a little. I'm glad you realize that most mothers aren't like yours--and I'm glad you can find things to report in a funny way that makes it a little easier to bear (for you AND your readers).

And yes, red is your color! You're hawt in the black, too! Your brother is a looker but I'll bet he isn't as funny as you are! I absolutely LOVE your memories, even when they're painful both to write and to read. You write so well. Your voice is strong, powerful, and a joy to read. I wish you'd finish the Memoirs soon, though--I'm not getting any younger here, remember! I'd like to read it before dementia sets in!

Rated, of course. Like Tink, I wish I could, well, you know......D
Very witty, very funny. That pic of you in college in your Bohemian outfit has a Sandra Bullock-y feel to it (I like Sandra Bullock).

I remember when we arrived in Vancouver seeing the sides of the older stucco buildings in the West End covered with a kind of grey-green substance. Vandals? Nope. The Redhead nailed it: Mildew. I'd stack Van's weather (starts raining in October and ends in June) against any other city's for dreariness.
very very funny and poignant.

you are a wonderful writer.
Interesting photos and the commentary is really funny. I so love your humor. And I admit to a Boston fondness [67-69]: Fenway, Tremont St., The Commons and much hippie love. Bohemian? Oh yeah! ~R~
Am I the only one who thinks that your brother looks like Rachel Maddow (or the other way around)? Your brother isn't feminine but neither is Maddow, really. I think they are similar.

As a former Oregonian, born in Portland, I can totally relate to the Oregon pics. I love the Cheney one. He has that creepy smirk, likle the effects of a stroke or something.

Am I also the only one who thinks that Mary Ada is sneaking a peak at something?

Yes, I love the pics and the text. (Rated)
I love these pics. Your story is amazing. Keep scanning and I'll keep reading.
I love the pics, Teddy! You were beautiful at every stage of your life.
Hi Theodora,
I love to look at pictures I belive they tell a whole different story about people than what they even say themselves. I love your baby pictures of course, I also loved the pic with the little angle bangs. The ones where you are in your early to mid-teen years are nice as well. The one that had me laughing was the Dick Chenney smile I liked the other ones as well, your college days and such. But I also found myself attraced to the comments about lots of rain in Oregon. I kind of like rain, and have come to figure it is a good way to prevent forest fires and such. I also tend to like the things look after a rain, refreshed.
I'm sorry to admit I read this post for "Elvira With Big Tits" in the headline. But I'm glad I read it for your writing. And I like you as Elvira, but you give better Oregonian.
having such fun seeing your pics. what a full life!
okay, wow, YO, as usual, you left the most wonderfully supportive and heartwarming comment. i LOVE it when non-violent people want to kill my "mother" for me. i'm so happy that people are aknowledging my dick Cheney smile!!! see what i'll do for comedy? i'll make myself ugly for comedy, people!! and, yes, i know, RED is totally my color! and i don't have anytihng really fun and red to wear now. Goodwill!!! shit, i wish they delivered. so much more to say. oh, yes, do NOT GUILT AND NAG ME about my memoir!!!! you should know that you can't guilt a guilter. dont' even try.

no, you're not getting any younger. i'm pretty sure that that is true. and you're in a, well, you know. but i can only do what i can do and writing polished stuff by myself????? not my thang at all. i always wrote big stuff with writign partners. shit, fucking portland, where else could i post on Craigs for a writing partner and/or cartoonist and find no one????????? seriously????? they are all solo artists here. no collaborators. that's not true. but i can't pay anyone. shit. love love love and gratitude!!
oh, Boanerges!!! i wish you'd tell some of your Heavy Hitter pals on here that i'm worth reading even though i put Big Tits in my titles whenever i can to get more views. i love that you are a serious journalist and still come here. i used to LOVE Sandra Bullock, before she insisted on making stupid stupid films when she has truly major acting chops, as we all saw in Crash. people have thought that i looked a bit like her over the years. mostly visually-impaired people. god, i LOVE that mildew/vancouver story. that's where i've always wanted to live because it's a real city with health care and shit. but now i feel a tiny bit better about being here. :) love love love

NoFrills! you are so kind. it's so wonderful hearing that i'm a good writer from someone who does visual art AND who writes like a demon. love love love

Chuck!!!!! i adore you,man. and i'm so thrilled that you can see Colors again. oh yes, i love that you love Boston and Fenway Pahk and all of it. i'm homesick all the time but i could never afford to live there again. and, yes, bohemian rocks bigtime!!!!! love love love
shit, i posted that last one when i twasn't ready to go. i know, clogging up the fucking feed. whatever. not my intention.

Roger!!! very funny commentary man. my brother=rachel maddow? never occured to me but now that you mention it... he's 51 now. i don't remember your ever telling me taht you grew up in Portlnad!!! what is wrong with men and their not sharing basic facts??? whew, i feel better now. love love love

Scanner!!! i love you, but you have to read the posts that don't contain Scanned photos too, because these take a LOT OUT OF ME because i have to go back THERE in my mind. i make it funny, but, shit, it was horrible. love love love!!

oh, my MP!!!! you're the only one who's thought of giving me Gold Stars!!!! i love that. you are the best in the world! love love love

oh, Gwen! you are such an excellent friend and reader. i know, the pics are great, aren't they. i was amazed when i found them. but i hope you also enjoyed the text. :) love lvoe love

Momsacomic!!! thank you for showing up! yes, the rain is lovely in moderation. i love a nice rainy day but when it's always like that... not so much. i'm thrilled that you found so many funny things in the post. i worked hard to put them there. love love lvoe

John Patrick!!! shit, i love making new friends. i love your honesty. of course you came for the Elvira/big tits. you're clearly a straight man or a drag queen looking for a new get-up. :) thanks for coming by. love love love

and HUGE gratitude for all!!!
ConnieMack!! thanks for coming by, love. shit, girl. i have not had a full life. i had an exciting life back then. but i was undiagnosed... never mind. i'm sure that hahvard and the Cape and all of that sounds fabulous. and it was. it was me who wasn't. i've now lost decades to agoraphobia and sickness and death. but you and the others are right! these are pretty fascinating memories to pull up. and i haven't even talked about Benazir Bhutto or Leonard Bernstein. love love lvoe and MAJOR gratitude!!
Actually I didn't grow up in Portland. Born there in '53, moved to Seattle in '59. So I didn't totally hold out on you:)
theo, you're beautiful in all of your stages...I lovet the dick cheney smile especially. I had no idea the wonderpups could induce such an expression!
You are so hot. There wasn't anything bad about the nose. If you lived here you would have had trouble getting rid of me.
You are just too cute! Great photos and writing. You keep this up!
Oh Teddy, this is wonderful! You were so CUTE as a pup and you are beautiful as a mature, vibrent woman. Rock on, sister!

Pawed for awesome!
Loved the photos. I don't want to argue or anything, but there was no fat girl with a big nose in any of them. I was sure there was supposed to be one. That early adolescent photo of you with MA totally looks like Sandra Bullock. I loved the reunion one, too. So much life. I can totally believe you entertained all those people all night.
oh, wow. i feel so blessed. i'm nagging everyone to come read and rate and such because it was so much freaking work. the scanning takes forever, well, it takes me forever. and picking which pics to use and which Big Tits one to put in and the damn text??? well, it's a lot for a flutigued and brain damaged dame, i tell you.

Roger, i will let you off the hook, then. you didn't totally NOT TELL ME THINGs. so you grew up in Seattle. now if i can just figure out waht your job is that has you travelling too much to suit me... lvoe llove love

oh, Delores!!! i love you. it's not the wonderpups who induce the Cheney smile, it's the Oregonians realizing that it would be a good thing to smile if they weren't chronically depressed and it's them doing their best try at a smile. it's tragically sad sad sad. life is too short to never smile. love love love!

Wchanz, you are such a dirty old man. i love that in a person. i know, i can see looking back that i was okay looking. not in profile, i can't agree about that. too much emotional baggage. b ut i can see that i was overall pretty freaking cute. thanks for noticing, dude. love love love!

oh, it's my Zuma Zee! i'm sorry i haven't kept up with your psots, girl. i dont' do well with those o f you who post daily. i get overwhelmed. but i adore you. and i will keep doing this. there are still sooooo many photos and sooooo many stories. this is helping me too. i'm remembering the good and fun stuff as well as the ugly carp and when you have a blank where your childhood should be, you're spared the trauma but you also lose the wonderful moments. i'm truly blessed with this.n i get to entertain you all and to heal myself a little bit at a time. and to TELL STORIES, which is what we all live for. love love love!

LadyMiko!!! i love your what to do on Halloween post. i need ideas because i'm too fat for my Elvina costume now. the photos are pretty great. i didn't do this so people would tell me i was good-looking but it sure does feel good ot hear that, when i'm almsot 60 and pretty invisible in the Oregonian landscape. love love love

anbd huge gratitude for all!!
oh, Siren Girl!!! you always give great comment. i know, i look at that photo now, the one in the print dress where i'm half sitting on that picnic table, and i'm like, shit, really??? people were much much thinner back then. i was considered the attractive fat one and when i lost 10 lbs. by having dysentery in Pakistan and such... well, these assholes in my Hahvahhd House asked me out, telling me what a huge difference the weight loss made. i hope i told them to fuck the shit off. love love love and huge gratitude for your friendship and readership, love.
Sweetie, I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you are gorgeous at all ages . . . including the one you're at now! Loved the ones at the top - especially the Dick Cheney-esque one as Orgonians realize, too late, that they should have smiled.
Owl!! i just hope you and others realize taht this is not me fishing for compliments. it's about the pics, yes, but it's also about the stories. so i hoping you're liknig the text too. never mind. my fever is up and i'm crabby. i'm so grateful for you coming by! love love lvoe andgratitude
"there are no photos of the 5 incredibly terrible horrible years that my nose and i spent at Miss Winsor's School for girls.."

You are so damn funny Teddy! Great post with great pics. You are beautiful then and now.

Girl, I hope you know that I read every word - sometimes I even read them twice! Know why? 'Cuz you're cool like that, and I like what you put out there . . . it's real and sincere and straight from the heart and you make me laugh and think and inspire me to live a little larger every day. :~)
oh, it's my Brie!!! i love that whole thing i wrote about miss winsor's school too. it was so awful. so happy i could make you laugh too. lvoe love love!

Owl, i was kiddign around. i know that you read my text too. you're a great friend and reader. it feels great for you to say that my stuff makes you think. i've learned to use a dispassionate voice and humor to tell my dark stories, to make them accessible, but i love knowing that people really "get" what's underneath and don't just find it funny or think i'm fishing for compliments on my looks. i hate fevers. i lose my sense of humor. i adore you, sister.
I love pictures! I think you look great...even with your "old" nose. Though, the reunion picture is fabulous. My favorite color is red too, so seeing you in red and black is perfect.
SuznMaree!!! i've been thinking about you, love, and hoping you're okay and shit. i know, RED is the best color, isn't it? but it's all about the shade of red. i've learned that the hard way, by ending up wearing the wrong shades, unflattering ones. i feel nostalgic for that jacket now. it always gave me energy and confidence!!! lvoe lvoe lvoe and huge gratitude, sweetheart.
Loved all the pictures and commentary! You look great in each one!
oh, Delia Dee, i'm so happy to see you here. these posts aer so much work, for me at least, but they seem to make people laugh and such, so it's all good. love love love and gratitude
One big gold star! rated
I love the way you tell your story, and it's a very interesting story too. The pics are great illustrations. Looking forward to more!
These are absolutely wonderful. How beautiful you are. Can I make a suggestion? Create a Picasa album and upload all your scans so you can watch a slideshow of your life. You might find that looking at pictures helps you from drowning in the agonies of bipolar illness, brings back happy memories when everything looks black.
See, Pocahontas, I LOVE you and your Old Nose. The nose knows, ya know? Because really, the photo with you and the Old Bestie, with you in profile, I think Teddie is Stunning. She's pretty, you are Stunning.

Your photo in red, well, you're pretty, but the jacket's a bit - busy.....

Love love love to you and all the wonderpuppies.....I am now in the MidWest Blues too, because of all the cloud cover and the latest water treading....
I think this is very funny. As Johnnie Carson would say..."Funny stuff. Funny, funny stuff! and my goodness you did have some ears! "my nose and i spent at Miss Winsor's School for girls,..." that's funny! And this "i'd be a little Gay, a pocket Gay if you will. " I love that A gaylet, a baby gay, a pocket gay, not out of the closet, but out of pocket.
Julie, love, thanks so much fro coming by. yes, there is usually funny stuff in my posts. this one has photos. but there is a HUGE poignant side too. hey, if you don't want to read my psots anymore, it's fine. really. it's like pulling teeth to get you here while i see you commenting without pressure all over the place. so i wont' bug you anymore. i'm turning thsi kind of thing over to Godiverse because i'm powerless as shit over the people who were my close friends on here and who are mostly AWOL now, either sick or caring for someone who is dying or buried in workaholism or just busy busy busy (two of them, very hard working and in the same area of work/study) and oh, one is busy busy busy with a job in the entertainment industry. i miss them badly, but that's life in the big city. some will come back in time. so i've put too much pressure on you and on others who are still here. :) very very veyr wrong of me and i apologize.

there is something that is so funny and interesting. my pattern in the past, before my wonderful dead Richard, was to be a great predictor of someone else's romantic success. i would be with a guy and sort of groom him and nag him to shape up and then he would go have a fabulous relatinoship with someone else. what happens now is that i have fabulous friends who've been with me from the beginning and then newer ones of just people whose stuff i liked to read. And now they've caught on bigtime with the Ed I Tors (Tink's brilliance) and with the Cool Kids and just regular wonderful readers. it's great for them. i'm envious but when am i not these days. this place is a very slippery slope for me.

just to mention a recent few:

Roger Fallihee has been a friend since the beginning. he's always been a wonderful writer and friend. then he wrote the Red Wine post and he got EP and Cover and he was sooooo overdue for that. i hope he stays friends with me. i do.

my Scoubidou is another one. we became friends and supported each other with our writing and he's really catching on with readers and cool kids and i'm so happy for him. he's been encouraged to write a book and get paid for his excellent prose. i believe i should get some credit for nursing him through some of this shit on here, as he has done for me.

Kathy Riordan. we were never friends but i read a bunch of her posts because i liked the topics and her great writing. now she's exploded and got the tiara from Feed the Cat and lots of EPs and covers and such. i'm overwhelmed by her daily posts now. she's a great writer.

so if you want to do better on her overnight and you're a fabulous writer, you might want to become friends with me. just saying.
Scupper!!!! you gave me my gold star!!! you are the best, girl. please pm me when you have new posts. pelase. love love love

Kellylark, thanks so much. there will be more. next set of pics? all animals, all the time. lvoe lvoe lvoe
Cassandra, thanks for coming by. but please, i have no freaking idea what a Picasa album is or if it's something for MAC's when i have a PC. it sounds like a great idea but i'm overwhelmed just doing what i'm doing. and this is not a psot about bipolar, love. so please don't address that here and please dont' give me advice when i haven't asked for it, about how to feel better. this is about my POST and jsut my post, which is great. no, i dont' get EPs and covers. but i still create bgreat psots. pelase. love love love
Annie! what happened to Hawaii? you still there to finalize the freaking divorce??? wow. well, then, i should see youj commenting on all my psots, girl. :) thanks for the kind words. that red jacket was NOT TOO BUSY. dont' you go there, girl. seriously. favorite jacket of mine and i look gorgeous in that pic. lvoe lvoe love and major gratitude
We both know Oregon. Advice anyway is, don't stop thinking about tomorrow.
"RED is the best color, isn't it? but it's all about the shade of red... it always gave me energy and confidence!!!"

I agree about the shade of red...mine tends to be a little darker and leaning toward the blue side. And red is my energy and power color!
i apologize, as i so often have to do, for being so cranky and harsh with Junk1 and with Cassandra. i was extremely anxious about going back to the Dental School to get the rest of the x-rays. it's not an excuse, it's an explanation. i am so sorry for being ungrateful and demanding and just rude. lvoe love love and gratitude
Good work here!
Q to ask aside....does the Dental school ask you to pay for the treatments?
thanks, Traveller! good to see you. yes, the dental school charges 60% of what retail dentists would, which i think is too much, considering how long you have to wait for them to do anything real and well, just because it's students. but the economy here in portland, oregon sucks bigtime. etc. it's ridiculous because i have to say that i'm okay with the treatment plan, which includes like $5000 of stuff, when i can really only afford treatment for my gums and maybe one crown. but i'm so worried about losing my teeth because i have no gums anymore. and i need a nightguard. i'm sorry, never mind. you asked a sijple question and this is boring. yes, i do have to pay. but not all dental schools are alike. i've had friends who got free treatment. oregon is the most fucked up place i've ever lived. by far. love love love andg ratitude for coming by.
You ROCK the Elvina look, Teddy!
I am glad you are taking full advantage of the dental school. You do them a service becos students also neeeeed to find relevant patients. They should be giving you money for this not take money from yu. But why am I not surprised that they are making money out of peoples' misfortune. I am sure they are being mandated to make some sort of profit or a percent of profit. Grrrrrrrrrrr!
thanks for coming by, verbal. i did rock the Elvina look. much too big for it now. love love lvoe and pelase come back and Rate this puppy.
traveller, you're so right about the mandate to show a profit. but i'm nothing special for them. there is no flouride in the water here and it's a poor state so the state of teeth here is deplorably awful. love love lvoe and so much gratitude for your concern!
Hilarious dear - and the pix are grrrreat. You still adorabble. Why are you wasting away in Portland?? Get thee back to Hell-A or at least Southern CA.
i LOVE you, deborah, even though i have to PM you a million times to get you to show up here. why dont' i move??????? have i forgotten to mention that i'm agoraphobic and poor??????? i could have sworn that i talked about those two aspects of my lfie a few times. thanks for the support.
LOVED the Oregonian photos!!! I lived there for 3 years in grad school and no of what you speak. I also get the HS comparisons - I too was the acne-scarred smart girl with the gorgeous pretty friend. Fortunately, things have evened out and we're both chubby buddies now!
Oh geez. So much for being the smart one, that's "know" not "no"!
Just stopped by tonight! Rated! Love the photos!
oh my Blue!!! wow, i'm thrilled that a few people are still reading this one. it was hard work for me. that is so cool that you "get" it about Oregonians. shit, man. talk about hard work. and about being the acne scarred buddy. that is so fabulous that you and your buddy are still pals and equals now. i would have loved that so much. love lvoe love!

Nelly!!!! you are the best, love. i can't believe that you two have read my older post. feels great, girl. i adore you. i'm way behind on posts because i have this fucking Chronic Flutigue but one day at a time and many more photos to post!!! love love love

and huge gratitude !!
So I'm looking at the Mary Ada and you pic and wondering what the big deal is about your nose? It looks perfectly fine to me and you are every bit as adorable as Mary Ada. Great pics! Fun post.
oh, Zashin!!! you are so sweet to come by here. people did find my nose troublesome and so did i and it's all good now. and mary ada was very pretty. love love lvoe and gratitude!!