(please keep checking back because i will be updating all night with more brilliantly witty remarks and please pass this on to your friends on here because i am an ATTENTION WHORE but i also just plainly LOVE AND LIVE to make people LAUGH.)

because i can play favorites as well as anyone else can.

because, on the same subject, i'm friends with hardly anyone who gets EP and Cover and Top Rated all the time now, which makes room for all kinds of possibilities, folks, and i can be bribed with dark chocolate and puppy pics!

because i write about sex and dogs and sometimes i write about Sex AND Dogs, for those with a kinkier bent.

because, on this same topic, i was a major 'ho back in the day and will write my Sex and Dating Protocol finally if i'm given enough encouragement and it is FABULOUS, PEOPLE, FABULOUS.

because i have the most adorable Wonderpups/Service Dogs in the Known World, well, at least in Portland, OR as i've been told, and we have weekly Interspecies Family Meetings, which i periodically blog about.

because, and shoot i almost forgot this important one, i am agoraphobic and also keep Vampire Hours so you won't find me gallivanting off here and there and being unavailable because i have a Real Life, and you'll be able to reach me in the middle of the night when you have a brainstorm or the muse whacks you on the head or whatever.  

because i've been pretty much Blacklisted by the Powers That Be, even though i'm writing my best stuff ever, and i used to get EPs pretty regularly before i began making disgruntled comments. what is gruntled, by the way? (and i will be asking crucial questions like this one.)

because i have Early Kindergarten taste and LOVE cartoons.

because, even though i am a huge ATTENTION WHORE, i also actually care about people and carp like fairness and shit.

because, on this same topic, i have too much time on my agoraphobic hands (and there is all that caring carp), so i do notice when people haven't posted for a while and i check in with them and make sure that they are okay, so people will actually feel that at least one Ed I Tor gives a shit about them.

because i can be depended on to go into a Bad Mania every few months and blast my favorites and lose friends and alienate people so that Other Talented People can get some well-deserved EP and Cover attention, which is only fair!

because when i get Good Manic (when i'm coming off a bad bipolar 2 depression), i get euphoric and love everyone and read everything and this gives new writers and people who are new to me a good chance at EP/Cover. (which is only freaking fair, people.)

because there are a shitload of Bipolar people on here and i kind of understand them even if we don't all get along. and i understand all the Depressives too!

because i went to private girls school and to Hahvahhd so i know all about Dangling Participles and Misplaced Modifiers and that kind of carp/crap, plus i'm my own Spellcheck!

because i am a Recovering Accountant and someone might want to count some things some time, like how many EPs and Covers will be given to people who never get any but who deserve a big ass shout out?

because i'm extremely intuitive and can tell when people are full of shit, even when it's ME.

because i can't freaking figure out what to do on Facebook, so i won't be updating you about my freaking "status" all the time.

once again, if you enjoy this at all, please RATE it because, to me, Ratings are like Gold Stars!!!! and i rate you guys. i promise.