Top of the morning to you all, I’m on my MTV jams flow. Tony’s vernacular is surreptitiously becoming intertwined into my daily conversations and I love it. People just look at me funny. Apparently verbalizing tweets doesn’t result in instant popularity. Oh well, it was worth a shot. But enough about me, this is Tony’s time.

251.

Total Tony tweets in a 7 day period. 35.9 per day, 1.5/hr. But considering Tony is probably only up for 16-18 hours a day, we can roughly say he tweets about every half hour. Every 30 minutes there is an opportunity for you to have a chuckle or a befuddle. So if you’re not following him by now, I only have one question for you. WHY THE HELL NOT?

481.

This number represents @aa000g9′s favorite punctuation mark used in a week. To continue with the math lesson, that’s 1.92 “!’s” per tweet. 69.2 “!’s”/day. The worst part about this paragraph is the total delusion of the “!”. I can’t even use this symbol to indicate the absurd amount of “!’s” used. I would only be contributing to the over-saturation of the exclamation point, and I am not an enabler.

0.

This is not a number. It is a tweet. Did Tony have a moment of zen-like mediation and his stream of consciousness twitter feed allowed us to see that nothing was on Tony’s mind? He literally had nothing to tweet. With the numbers presented before you, the importance of this tweet has more relevancy now, doesn’t it. Context is a great clarifier. I will pause while you have your “Ah ha” moment.

He’s not called Tony “Onion” Allen for nothing, this guy has layers!(couldn’t resist) None of you truly understand the depths and layers of Mr. Allen’s twitter feed. Luckily I have spare time, and a keen ability to interpret Tony’s thoughts. I can’t explain how Tony and I are connected. Could it be our diametrically grammatical differences pulling our intuitions closer? Say that five times fast. Are we Twitter’s version of Freaky Friday? Am I here to help him or vice-versa?

Do you see how that one tweet evoked a plethora of philosophical pontifications? 5X’s it again. Tony Allen ladies and gentlemen. If you still can’t comprehend the many benefits of following him I pity you. In honor of the Sloan Conference this week you should trust the numbers. Billy Beane did. Lil’ Wayne and Yo Gotti did. What’s holding you back from adding your name to that list?

PS- Tony’s 100th tweet from last Tuesday just so happened to mention the number 100 in it. Coincidence? I think not. Numbers people, numbers.