Still remaining: Kat, Sabrina, and Troyzan
Team Joseph: 52 points
Still remaining: Kim
Team Clayton: 38 points
Still remaining: Chelsea, Christina, and Tarzan
Team Colin (Kat, Sabrina, and Troyzan)
Dammit Troyzan. I asked you to lay low, and instead you turn into a Charlie Sheen/King Kong mutant. Did you think beating your chest after victory and quasi-ingly flipping off your other competitors increased your chances of survival? Great job. Here’s a suggestion, before the next challenge call upon the body painting services of Tarzan and let him design a BULLSEYE for your chest using his berry and fire ash paste. Since you want to embrace this isolationist mentality, go 100% and don’t turn back.
OR YOU COULD DO THIS. Continue to plant manipulative seeds throughout the camp. Water and nurture them and maybe, just maybe, one will sprout into a new alliance in which you can cultivate. Listen, you are going to hear this annoying-ass phrase: “It’s just the nature of the game.” Don’t let it ruffle your feathers. Just get over it. You are a good player, but you still need to think about votes, and I’m not losing to Clayton or Joseph. I’ve come too far now to lose to these scrubs. Losing is not an option. THIS IS MY MOTHER EFFIN ISLAND!!! (beats chest and storms off)
Woo Sa…Woo Sa…Woo Sa
“Woo sa?” “Isn’t that what Colton had?” No Kat, it’s a non-violent release my therapist suggested I do in stressful situations. Sweetheart you are doing a great job. Don’t change anything. By the time you comprehend how well you’ve played this game you will be wiping your ass with $100 dollar bills. Just be leery of the inseparable duo of Kim and Chelsea. Whispering and constant over the shoulder head movements are key indicators of tom foolery. “Who’s Tom Foolery?” Woo Sa…Woo Sa…Woo Sa…
Sab. Can I call you Sab? This is your opportunity to flip shit up. These white girls have been running the show for too long, time to put them in their place. Send Kim home, and it’s yours to lose. Just saying. Can we make up a fun hand shake? No? Ok. It was worth a shot.
“Why are you acting this way Coach Sto?” Troyzan’s got me all kinds of pissed off. I need a smoke.
Takes a deep inhale. Slowly turns to his remaining players. This is where we separate US from THEM. Go out there and take what’s yours. Puts cigarette out on Leif’s nipple ring and disappears back into the depths of the jungle.
Team Joseph (Kim)
The Team Formerly Known as Team Joseph, Now and in the Future to be Known as “Team Kim”
Joseph walks to the tree mail spot, to meet with Team Joseph. He’s on the phone, really pumped up.
Joseph: That’s right Jonny Bones Jones! Great victory. Way to retain the belt. You can’t be beat, baby. You can’t be beat.
As he hangs up and looks up, only Kim is standing there.
Joseph: Where’s the rest of the team, sweetheart?
Kim: I beat them all.
Joseph: Aha. I see. I guess it is kind of stupid to think about a game with the main objective of “outlasting” to ever be seen as a team game. Well, there ya go, Kim! Congrats! You’ve gone and voted everyone else out. Whatever happened to you and Jay being the new Boston Rob and Amber?
Joseph: Alright, so here’s our approach. You have to win now. For the team to win, you have to win. The good news? You’ve been in control this entire game and have been running things. You’re the favorite to take this thing home. The bad news? You’ve been in control this entire game and you’re the favorite to win. The other 7 people probably won’t like that very much.
Now they’ve been dumb and stupid so far and just let you run things. And, to be honest, I highly doubt anyone but Troyzan’s ability to buck the system and make a big enough game move to get you out of here. But you’ve laid out your game plan and strategy. Your 4 girls could be in danger. If the one that doesn’t think they’ll be in the finals with you and Chelsea thinks to switch things up, they might. I doubt they will. Why would they start playing the game now if they can just ride your coattails to the end and maybe get lucky? Unless that’s their master plan.
Do everything you can to play the Boston Rob strategy. Keep tight control on everyone. Make them afraid to go against you. Keep getting rid of the threats. Keep the numbers on your side.
And win. Because that’s just about our only chance of winning this game at this point. Thanks to your “superior gameplay” and all.
Team Clayton (Chelsea, Christina, and Tarzan)
Alright guys, gather around. Did everyone clear your lockers like I asked? Ok, good. We can proceed.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the moment. The moment like in the 90′s sports movies where the team gathers around acting all disheartened and the coach gives a rallying speech and then sets a box on the table. I’m going to skip the speech because once I open this box, you’re going to forget everything I said anyway.
Guys, I think we have a real shot at winning this thing. We’re in last place but if you’ve ever seen a sports movie you know that we’ve actually got them right where we want them. Ahead.
What I have in this box is going to set the tone for the rest of the game.
Yes, I have gotten you all new jerseys! Game on bitches!
Let me break this shirt down.
On the front, we’re reppin’ our squad.
On the back we’ve got:
1- Our final ranking.
Dream Team- What I call you guys back home.
Eye of the Tiger- Hopefully SOMEONE gets the layers of this…
We Goin to the Ship- From Hardball, the new jerseys worked for them.
Quack, Quack, Quack- From Mighty Ducks, new jerseys equaled wins.
Annexation of Puerto Rico- From Little Giants, new jerseys and it was upset city. Plus the “Annexation of Puerto Rico” play that won the game for the Little Giants was all about deception. You do the math.
The Ultimate Pyramid of Winning- This is to help brand me as a coach when we win the show. Dolla dolla bills y’all.
Then I put some Destiny’s Child lyrics from their hit song “Survivor”. Truth be told, I see you all as children of destiny. I also see you all as survivors.
Guys, let’s do the damn thing! If you didn’t notice the back of your shirt also resembles an arrow pointing to the top and that’s just where we are going to finish if you keep fighting the good fight.
Team Clayton on three!