The new 9-minute-plus video opus from Lady Gaga and Beyoncé, entitled "Telephone," is sure to get tongues wagging for weeks.  Some such waggers are already comparing the mini-movie to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" clip, and the production value of "Telephone" is certainly comparable in scale and scope. But in 1983, Michael Jackson was so concerned  about offending people with the then-outlandishness of "Thriller" that he ran a disclaimer at the beginning of the video: "Due to my strong personal conviction, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses a belief in the occult."

Lady Gaga seems not to have such worries.  From the campy lezploitation prison set-up, through the bad language and stereotyping, to the seeming glorification of mass murder, Gaga and company seem to revel in affronting folks for the sheer attention.  And she's going to get attention indeed, because plenty of people will take umbrage to the many controversial elements of the video.

The song, frankly, is ho-hum.  The dancing and choreography are nothing new.  The costumes are run-of-the-mill Gaga, meaning they are outrageous but since we've come to expect that of her, their shock factor is pretty minimal.  Gaga and Beyoncé are both lousy actresses and deliver their few lines with the credibility of a five-year-old playing grown-up at a make-believe tea party (best example: the "You've been a bad girl..." scene). 

However, as a vehicle for unabashed product placement, this video really succeeds.  Little Debbie, Wonder Bread, Virgin Mobile, Diet Coke, Hewlett-Packard, PlentyOfFish.com, Chevrolet, Miracle Whip, and Polaroid all doubtless paid handsomely to be a part of the landscape of "Telephone." 

Interestingly, Coors Light must have also paid, because in the diner dance sequence there is a working, albeit mutilated Coors Light neon sign on the wall (the  "Co" of "Coors" has been deliberately turned upside down.  This may be to get around the self-imposed rule about alcoholic beverages refraining from product placement on broadcast TV.  The Coors Light logo is not intact, but it leaves no doubt, subliminally, that it is the product being advertised.

The other very obvious nod to product placement is the long "Double Breasted Chicken" soda cup during the duo's getaway scene.  This restaurant chain is fictional, but the shot was very clearly intended to make it look like blatant product placement.  One has to wonder whether it was included out of spite because KFC didn't want to pony up cash to have its own cup in the shot.

Lady Gaga is a product placement machine, and most of her other videos have also shown very obviously which corporations own her money-grubbing, corporate sell-out, postmodern soul.  But with such a long video, there was a chance to work more and more little ads into the song, which makes money for the record companies and for the products being advertised.  A win-win for Wall Street means there will likely be much more of this in the future, which represents a  loss-loss for art and consumers. 

At one point in the video, Gaga does a MJesque shuffle as a direct homage to the late King of Pop.  Perhaps as further tribute, and to show herself to be something less of a capitalist drone, Gaga should have disavowed commercialism with a disclaimer such as, ""Due to my reputation as an actual artist, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses any products."  

But she'd be lying.  They own her.  Product placement, for me, ruined this video.  It was so shamelessly pandering and obvious that it took away from the integrity of the art.  Michael Jackson was trying to sell records.  Lady Gaga is trying to sell salad dressing.  Therein lies the difference.