In a military dictatorship, where the president is also the head general of the army, at the president’s wife’s pleasure, the bishop of the land holds the Sunday Mass in the church adjacent to the presidential palace. Only the wives of the big generals and governing junta are invited. One Sunday, while the bishop is delivering his sermon, he heard murmurs and noise and suddenly a wife stood up and said, “Your eminence, we have been debating amongst ourselves for a long time and we need an answer. What size did God intend the penis to be? We really want to know what the official Christian penis size is.” The Bishop paused for a moment and replied, “Well sister, unfortunately St. Augustine did not elaborate on this issue, but traditionally it has always been nine inches!”

As you can imagine the president—who is a little short of devoutly adequate—did not get any for the next few days. On the fourth day he demanded his wife explain what was up. She told him what the bishop said. The president said, “I am sure there is some kind of misunderstanding; why don’t you ask him again next Sunday just to be sure.” Meanwhile, the “secret police” gave the bishop a visit, and it did not take long for him to see the light.

The following Sunday, before the president’s wife could say anything, the bishop clarified, “My answer last week on the penis issue was not complete. Even though the church still stands by the nine-inch penis regulation, the Lord in his infinite wisdom gave half off to the holy warriors of our military.”  

Thoth © 2009

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The survey question is addressed to women:

What, in YOUR opinion, should a penis size be?