All my life, almost all of my friends have always been women. I find them pleasantly challenging and I can talk to women about life, art, literature, philosophy etc. In fact, I owe a big part of my acquired social skills to interaction with women. Even on OS most of my favorites, save a few cool dudes, are women bloggers. Yet, I am getting weary of an anti-family; anti-romantic love; anti-male recurring theme adopted by some female experts/writers on TV, in the printed media and internet blogs. Every time I read one of these columns/posts, some wannabe feminist is gratuitously bashing, mocking and maliciously dissecting her ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, random guys on You Tube, or ridiculing romantic love and other women just for being in love.
Disclaimer: all my female favorites on OS are strong independent women; none of them is a WAS.
The Good Society
Man is of woman and woman is of man. Man and woman are not rivals; they complement each other. Evolution tells us three things. One: both men and women are sexual opportunists who will adapt to the opportunities permitted by the laws they enact. Two: men and women do what they want irrespective of the observations of evolution. In other words, in this present stage of human history we can create our own social norm, making evolution work for us. Three: monogamy won over polygamy, and the only polyandrous society is in Tibet; check it out. We can choose romantic monogamous pair bond and love of family and build a great society. We can be egalitarian romantics like albatrosses or abusive tyrants like elephant seals (male seals use female harems for sex). Other intermediate examples from nature exist, but the point is this: we choose how we live.
The key words here are right, wrong, good and bad. Opinions in law and ethics are not just different; they are either right or wrong. Americans must warm up to the fact that the right thing is not equidistant between two opposite opinions. Most of our experts’ opinions are flat out fucking wrong. We must recognize right from wrong, good from bad, and agree on standard definitions in our culture. For example, one can choose not to get married, not to have children and have random sex for life. In a civilized and free society that is cool. Yet this behavior must not be revered. Divorce should not be condemned, but surely, it must not be glorified; love, marriage and family should be the gold standard.
A child in school must not be singled out and mistreated simply because her parents are still married. On the other hand, a child of a divorced couple should be taught that marriage is great; parents fuck it up. The most common attitude among young women today is this: there is no such thing as romantic love, marriage based on love is doomed to fail, and when I get married I plan on a divorce in a year or two. Is this what you want for your daughters—the future mothers of our nation—and sons?
Albatross, firststrike.com
Elephant Seals, geeksontour.bolgspot.com
The Natural Legislative Power of Women
Women are mothers, lovers, wives, sisters, aunts, daughters and friends. Evolutionary challenges have equipped women with innate mental strategy-making wiring to protect family and offspring. Since the hunter-gatherer society women have made policy. The scenario of life was simple: man goes out to get meat; man goes back to cave with meat; woman shoos man to go outside and play—and protect. Except for the random doggy-style sexual attacks on woman, man did what he was gestured to do. Do you think, apart from ensuring impregnation, the reason why men achieve quicker orgasms is that women did not want these interruptions to last long?
Over 7000 women marched on Versailles with big fish-gutting knives and pieces of cannon setting off the French revolution while Frenchmen cheered. American women undertook a harder feat to accomplish; they enacted the prohibition in 1920. And since the early years of the Republic, American women have achieved many victories in battles for women’s rights, civil rights and the peace movement. They stood alone, they fought and they won.
A society is judged by what it reveres, by its priorities, of which women are the authors. Women can, and do, set policy for any society. They can dictate how their men, sons and daughters behave and even dress. Therefore, a nation is civilized only if its women possess the right attitudes—women must use their natural power to promote romantic love, chivalry, honor and family. Woman should take her rightful place as governess of society and redirect the culture toward civility. Spreading the knowledge of science rather than pseudoscience—we are the only people who believe social Darwinism is science—is a big first step.
Woman Against Society
A WAS is an angry, bitter female who had terrible experiences with men and who probably was in love once or twice. She hates men; she despises women who are still married, and would like to murder the women who are in love or even believe in love. The agenda is simplistic. Love does not exist; a WAS always says shit like, “been there, done that.” There is no man out there worth a damn, because if a good man exists, surely he will be making her breakfast now. Therefore, being a single bitch on Prozac, living with three dogs, is the ultimate human condition. Even though she hates men, she uses them for sex, and then throws them away. Lastly—a very important message—she is a very happy single woman.
Blessed are those who know their exact self-worth
The WAS mantra is this. Even the most glorious of knights is not good enough for a WAS. A minute or two into any of these columns/posts, a most nagging question explodes in the reader’s head: why? Why does she think she deserves a perfect man? Who the fuck is she? Did she invent ice cream? Did she discover evolution? Is she Aphrodite? Does she have a built-in suction in her vagina? What? Why?
The problem is that many young women read this WAS shit and believe it. I pose the question again: do you want your daughter to grow up to be a WAS?
Finally, an open call to all women: we need universal health care, flat out socialized fucking medicine. Make it happen.
Thoth © 2009
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Brianne Calypso
Missilynn
Lucinda Bliss
GHung
s.l. rose
Jacqueline S. Homan
Salon.com
Comments
It all goes back to treating others as you want to be treated.
You're a good dude, that's for sure.
Rated
Maybe those women would be happy in say, a DIFFERENT society.
The way it works for MANY women (married) today, is the first marriage is for love (or pregnancy), 2nd is for support.
Modern marriage in our society that preys on the weakness of our willpower often pits husbands against wives, and vice versa.
I don't begrudge these women their opinion or happiness any more than I would a bachelor.
I've met women like that, but they didn't stay in my life very long, always so negative. I will say one thing though, all some women have is bad relationships, their only experience of men is negative, some have had abusive childhoods and sadly didn't see the "cycle" and ended up being in a horrid relationship as an adult. Taking that risk of "opening up" and sincerely trying to find happiness is difficult, many women make that step and finally DO get past the bullshit, many, sadly do not.
That having been said, this was a great post and I thank you for it, my comment would have been longer but . . .Missy just BIT my boob through my shirt and I need a bandaid, that hurt! Funny though!
Rated!
It is actually a gift, art, or both to stay friends with your exes. I am blessed that way too; it is wonderful. And yes, aimless bashing by either sex is not productive.
You said it, "Modern marriage in our society that preys on the weakness of our willpower often pits husbands against wives, and vice versa."
In a free society, a life style is a matter of taste. All I am saying is that we should think carefully what to revere.
Thanks for the comment.
Thanks man, I knew you'd like this one.
Now, that's an informed opinion. WAS women are probably the most common cause of other people's divorce and breakups in this country. I also fully agree that some men as bad fathers or bad husbands are responsible for the current state of a WAS.
Thanks, LadyMiko
Yep, unfortunately, they are gaining ground.
Thanks man.
You are 100% right. I agree with every point you made. No one is qualified to judge any lifestyle. Sex is great; single sex is wonderful. I am merely suggesting that, for the sake of our culture, we should not bash romance and should choose carefully what we glorify and what our children should hold as good.
In fact, I would like everyone to read your posts to see what sarcasm should look like. O'Really's roasting is clever, quick, light, funny and I love reading it.
I always appreciate your--in my opinion--correct views on life.
Fun loving monogamus males are often ridiculed by both sides. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, but you know, monogamus males make up a large portion of our society, and we always will. It is sad that sometimes I have hide my normalcy. Why is that wrong ? Why should I apologize for my choice ?I support any number of individuals here in their individual life choices, why not support mine? Thoth, you already know the high regard I hold you in, I wish we could rate by comment. :)
Thanks man, this is more than I deserve but I, so appreciate it. You get the idea. Those for marriage and family should admired, not ridiculed. Stay strong my friend.
I agree with you both, sitting the fence as usual I suppose.
However, I don't really think that "love, marriage and family should be the gold standard." I say that because of me, frankly. I'm being selfish and maybe even a bit self-pitying by admitting this--but statements like that make girls like me feel, well, un-shiny.
It sort of makes me feel less than worthy to know that the only guy who ever wanted to marry me was, um...not husband material. Now the guy I cohabit with is, um...not sexually superb (with me, anyway) and thinks "10 years is a good run." I'm not good enough to warrant "the gold standard"? I don't believe that. My intellect tells me that love is all that matters, real love and not lusty love or conditional love or even love because you share genetic material. Real, tangible, meaningful, consequential love.
But my heart says my intellect is full of poop. I do get that it would be the ultimate, to have love and marriage and family all together. I get that. It just hurts me to even get an inkling that I don't measure up to that "gold standard." Though I am feeling a bit like a gumball-machine engagement ring, this is still a great piece, Thoth.
" I do get that it would be the ultimate, to have love and marriage and family all together."
I did not say one bad word about single or divorced people, men or women. I was single for a long time only because I loved women too much. It takes two people in love to make that nice family. I am familiar with your writings and I know you definitely deserve the gold standard, but I also know that it is hard to find the perfect match when there are a lot of assholes around.
When my daughter chooses the single life, I want her to do that because that is who she is; not because society told her that love does not exist and marriage is shit.
Thank you MyOnlyOutlet for the wise words.
This was my intention. Thanks for the comment.
In the meantime, we are out there pushing for good societal change, trying our damnedest to get our sons to treat women with respect and honor, our daughters to do the same, while at t the same time recognize women as equal partners, not maids. We are working along side men on the issues that benefit mankind. We have lost some of our enviable virtues in trying to be equal but in the end, we continue to do our best to make the world a good place for everyone. I see the person you describe as real, but I see that person as rare. I also see the man who will step over everyone else regardless of the consequences to get to the top, not so rare. What should we call him? This was a really thought provoking post. Well thought out and written. The research is impressive. Rated
I don't know who is "we." Yet, I assure you that my WAS is a completely different animal from your "we." I hope you are referring to women in general, in which case, I repeat the last appeal on the post: please, get us universal health care. I know you can do it.
Thanks for the comment.
Your daughter is one very lucky girl. The world needs more fathers like you. Well done. Rated.
OK, I will tell you that one of my sisters is a WAS (perhaps three or four of them, actually, but definitely one). Right before she got married, she said to me, "If it doesn't work out, I'll just get divorced." I don't think I said anything after that comment. I don't remember what I COULD have said, other than, "Are you out of your mind?!" I had never been married at that point, but it surely wasn't what I'd been thinking of when that subject came to mind.
Well, guess what? She's divorced. While she was still married, however, she was a BRAT (I'm being nice) while I went through my wedding. She now has a couple of dogs and two teenage sons. She swears she is happy to be single. I don't know if she dates because I am only now learning about her life again; we didn't speak for the past 6 years.
I was always "too happy" for her. Oh, by the way, she's actually not so angry anymore...she's on Prozac. (Seriously.)
Now, I don't mean to throw her under the bus. You asked. We are different, we always have been. She was very promiscuous, she dropped out of high school, she was an angry, rude, superior (in her own mind) person. I was the opposite. We've also raised our children differently. I just don't think you'll find two more different people. It's sad; she is the closest in age to me of my five sisters.
So, yes, she's a WAS. I don't know if it makes it better that she has sons, although I AM glad she doesn't have daughters. Wouldn't a WAS be just as bad of a role model to sons, though? I would want either of my precious daughters to date the son of a WAS.
Either way, my daughters will NEVER be WASes because I believe my positive outlook on life, and more recently, love, and my being "too happy," has and will be their example.
I should write a book! (I almost just did.)
" ...that she can learn to see herself as her own gold standard and not fall into the trap of trying to meet up to someone else's."
Great point; I agree. They either love who you are or they do not love you (period). Trying to live up to someone else's standards is useless and destructive, even in casual sex.
Thanks for the gracious and informative comment.
Actually, with your comment, you made me rethink and want to clarify. Therefore, I would like to emphasize that I respect all individual healthy sex life styles, including promiscuity. That is, a WAS is not someone who loves sex or casual sex. A WAS is one who condemns romantic love, pair-bonds and redicules those who are in love. That's all. I just want our future parents to grow up revering love and family.
I would also think that growing up without a father hurts boys too, even more. Yet a single parent can do wonders.
Thanks Outside Myself for making me think.
Surely, WASes are a minority; I am just tired of the noise they make. Like me, I know, you are a hopeless romantic. You should start a love "movement."
Thanks WalkAwayHappy for being you.
I'm glad not all happy single girls are this way. I'd have like no straight girlfriends.
rated.
It is always a pleasure to get the insight of such a powerhouse, you.
Thanks.
Yep, women and men complement each other. I am glad you had such a telling experience. Thanks a bunch for your valuable input. You are too kind, back at you.
"Do you think, apart from ensuring impregnation, the reason why men achieve quicker orgasms is that women did not want these interruptions to last long?"
yes.
Rated.
I may have dreamt that?
I think I spieled your name:`troth?
apologies? RIDDLE. In what place did the cock crow when all the world could here? Answer? In Know A's canoe. heehaw. rated? How do you rate? Thoth. I remember people can offend someone at least one time a day. apology? Maybe I accidently offended THOTH? Did you delete my old comment? That's okay. I hope this offends you 2?
lighten up?
Life's a brief?
A dissipation.
A flower fade.
I'll check back.
Life's a dream.
If you disagree with an argument I made, make a counterargument. I will be glad to address it. Do not call me names, for that is a game you will lose; for shoes are booze, they come in twos. If you are serious, you are welcome to comment objectively anytime you want. On the other hand, If someone sent you to mess with my blog, you've been had. Next time, use complete sentences, try to finish coherent thoughts and stay away from the stereotype Indian Chief rhetoric. Also correct punctuation and grammar might help; at least try. I'll tell you why
Don't fuck with your betters.
First learn your letters.
For life is a banana.
One day in your hand,
The next day in your ass.
Please, "check back." This time, Bruno, either be nice or bring it the fuck on.
Thank you so much for your comment. I, too, think that evolutionary biologists should make that observation common wisdom.
Rated
I agree. I tell my children to do the right thing, but I strongly discourage them from judging anyone else's life style. I also discourage gossip as an ugly trait. My point is for our society to glorify beautiful human universals.
Thank you for an objective comment.
You and I both, brother.
Thanks for the comment.
"...do you want your daughter to grow up to be a WAS?"
No. I grew up in a single mother household. My dad cheated on my mother, repeatedly, until she simply had enough. My parents divorced when I was five and I spent the rest of my childhood in a fatherless household.
And yet? And yet, I wanted what I had never witnessed first hand. A family. Father, mother, children...together and happy. I married a great guy whose own parents have now been married (happily, I should add) 60 years. They were our role models. Lucky us.
By watching my in laws' marriage I learned that people really can be monogamus and happy, through the ups and downs of their lives together.
That is what I want for my daughters. And sons.
Right and wrong. I hope we have taught them all the difference. Just last week my youngest son was home for a few days and he and a couple of his buddies were sitting around our kitchen table discussing another of their peers. The young man they were discussing is currently in jail. I overheard my son say this: "It's what he learned at home. His parents NEVER make him pay consequences. EVER." It is moments like that when I am certain my own son will make a fine father.
Great points, and wonderful observations, Thoth. And, yes! Universal health care! I'll do my best to spread the word :)
Yes, it is about right and wrong. You are a fine and wise woman, gracielou; yours are very lucky children.
As always thanks for wonderful comment.
My parents have been married for 35 years. They really can't stand one another, not-so-politely, but never really meanly tolerating one another. To what end? I wonder about what private life, if any, that they might have. I am not about to ask. But regardless, not exactly a good example of living happily ever after. I definitely shy away from glorifying romantic love. It is a rather modern concoction, thank you Shakespeare for making it really stick. Coupling has by and large been orchestrated by the families and surrounding community. Not something I imagine the daughters and wives really had a lot of say in or about. But you suggest quite the opposite. It feels more like false empowerment. On a non-personal level, for much of human history and in a large variety of cultures, girls were married off to whomever their father wished for them to marry. On a personal level, I don't think my grandmother had much choice when my grandfather worked their children day and night. Or my other grandmother losing multiple pregnancies due to my grandfather's temper had had much say in this. Or my mother marrying at the age of 17 in order to escape her father's abuse, doubt she was much in control there either. So we are the neck and you are the head? We turn you the way that we want? Maybe in your world. Not so much in mine. I must reject the notion that women have control in and of our collective history.
Polygamy is alive and well in multiple societies, past and present. I have read many examples in books and journals, I believe it was even on Taboo and a few other shows. Examples can easily be found online, even on the site for the laziest of people, wikipedia. It is rather a hobby of mine, to seek out different ways of being, finding our current ways of doing things as being less appealing to my notions of morality and sense of self.
I personally reject notions of romantic love. Can we romantically love someone? Yes. Of course. I have felt this as well. But I understand that it arises from a biological function. Our brains are tricking us into it. You can argue with this, but then I will just wonder: who is he trying to convince, me or himself? Hormonal functions are well documented.
What we call romantic love is more in line with lust or infatuation. When I was in love, I romanticized the idea of him. Of what I thought he was. We even do this with our children. When they are born or maybe conceived, we fall in love with them. As they grow, maybe when they are school-aged, or maybe when we discover that they possess some form of birth defect or other, we are faced with learning to love who they really are, not what we imagined them to be. This is what love is. Not that silly romantic, courtly kind of love. That is and was make believe. Love is what makes a family, a community, a society. It is concern for our fellow Earth-dwellers. Not something that is exclusive to couple-bonding. I am not suggesting that we forgo families or bonds. I am adamant that if you make a vow to love someone forever, you darn well better keep it. I agree. Don't cheat. Be responsible. What is the matter with people?!?
But really, how do you honestly know that you will want to be with someone the rest of your life? I reject the very premise that I should make a family and life, and all that this would entail, with someone that I want to have sex with today. And I am not condoning people marrying just to give it a shot (see the mention of responsibility above). I would suggest that we be mature enough to say the following: I love you. I want to be with you. Every day I will be respectful of you and what we are currently creating. And I will ask myself what I truly want, each and every day, and I will be honest with you with what I find. If over the course of many days, weeks, or months my feelings change, I will come to you first. I will not disrespect or dishonor you by cheating on or lying to you.
Marriages like that of my family members do no service for our society, communities, families, selves, or children. If we are able to provide loving, supportive families for our children, then it shouldn't matter what form that family takes, and there are so many different forms around the planet. Glorifying one will only act to lessen the respect given to the others.
Wow, a "WAS" must have really kicked you hard. Sorry for your pain. Not all people opposed to marriage do so because of hatred of males. I also object due to my religious/spiritual, philosophical, and moral beliefs. And I understand that you were highlighting a specific group of women.
Oh, and, let me fix that health care thing. Just give me/us a sec.
The fact is, no matter whether women are single, married, divorced, widowed...there is always room to find kindness for another...and the world would be better if we all were kinder to one and other. Life is difficult enough without bashing our mistakes.
R and thank you!
I am sorry I am late; I just found your comment.
All who know me on OS know I've been happily in love for a long, long time. Yet, I do NOT judge ANY life style. All I said is that we should not bash each other or romance.
You are perfectly right about what you feel and think. I am not even qualified to judge anyone personally.
I appreciate your argument and point of view; that's what comments are for.
Thanks for the comment.
I would have used your comment as my last paragraph. I couldn't have said it better.
Thank you so much for your undersanding the very kind words. It is always a pleasure to see your name.
Early in my present marriage, I thought a lot about cultural differences, such as the more business-like arrangements for the benefit of the whole family. I did marry for love both times, but it's a good thing I had that practice run the first time around, before making babies, so I could choose a mate more wisely with my priorities determined and declared. I wanted to raise my own kids.
I've seen the WAS phenomenon taking hold, especially in the youth coming-up culture. Feminism itself is confusing. It started as a fight for equality, which sounded good. But that kind of backfired. Women thought financial independence was the answer, but now most women have to forgoe raising their own kids whether they would have chosen to work outside the home or not. And then where are the loving, supportive role models for the kids?
But from a relationship perspective, I waver. A monogamous relationship is a work of great effort and can be quite exhausting, not to say that being single is not.
Clearly I cannot make up my mind. But I like many of the ideas you have here.