“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it.”

George Bernard Shaw

Charlie Regan did what he was told. He lived by the Twelfth Commandment and followed the Eleventh. He moved up from the ‘full dinner pail’ to the ‘full garage’. He lived the American dream. Charlie is a neocon, theocon and a superpatriot wingnut who never misses a chance to shoot at Santa Clause. Charlie always thought of himself as 100% American, and refuses to realize that there is no such thing—all Americans are hyphenated. Charlie is not a chauvinist or a unilateralist or a triumphalist; he is simply a jingo.

Charlie is a businessman. His American patriotism is an allegiance to economic opportunity and free enterprise—a spoils system in favor of corporations that protects only the rich—and not, allegiance to a nation. Charlie looks up to muckey-mucks, bosses, and boroughmongers. To them he is a minion with an opinion sitting in the amen corner of the church. Fortunately, Israel needs neither him nor his bosses; and, golfers worship a little white ball.

Mrs. Regan is a know-nothing barking moonbat and a gossipmonger of the first order. Abused as a child and by her first husband—or so she claims—one would think Mrs. Regan would have developed sympathy for the weak and the poor; instead, she grew hating all men, women and children alike. She works for OAEs (Organizations Against Everything) justifying her petty existence telling others what to say, do, and even how to raise their children. Pushing bullshit bills, Mrs. Regan, however, is an expert in dealing with ankle biters and apparatchicks.

Although racism and incest are common practice where Mrs. Regan comes from; she, a mugwump, puts on a liberal mask to be accepted by the mainstream, especially now that she has a blog. Yet, Mrs. Regan’s hatred for the so-called “bad language” gives her up. Militant aversion to profanity is a pathology embedded in religious fundamentalists and the descendants of those raped in the feudal system, and whose only cry for help was “fuck!” But the Lords would not even allow these poor peasants that simple freedom. Mrs. Regan does not know that real aristocrats, whom she aspires to sound like, will use profanity against her simply for holding the fork with her right hand. 

Mrs. Regan knows only one argument and a half: “hasty generalizations” and its subtype “stereotypes,” although she uses impressive terms like ‘vis-à-vis’, ‘quid pro quo’, ‘caveat’, ‘rapprochement’, ‘détente’, ‘tsunamis’ at will and out of context. Moreover, she has no idea why after the white man killed millions in Africa, Asia, and Latin America, she is still up in arms about Darfur where Africans are killing each other. Mrs. Regan recently graduates to dope stories, sound bites, big lies and agitprops.    

Unlike his first tour in Iraq, where Charlie junior comes home to a norwich, the second time is a snafu. Junior needs his mother badly, but she is busy persecuting those who jerk off to the internet and a homeless man who stole a piece of pizza and she swore to bring him to justice. Even worse, both Junior and his mother cannot find Dad. Charlie Regan, they are told, is working on his website; he is Mindanao deep! Charlie junior shoots himself in the head.

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Lexicon

Agitprops: Propaganda, from the Russian abbreviation of agitatsiya i propaganda “agitation and propaganda.”

Amen corner: A place of automatic political support that praises the agenda at hand. First coined by Reverend Judson Noth in 1860; more recently used maliciously against supporters of Israel. Golfers use the term to describe the difficult 11^th, 12^th, and 13^th holes of the Augusta National Masters Championship.

Ankle-biters (and apparatchicks): Stupid bureaucrats

Boroughmongers: Corrupt wealthy landowners in old England sold representation of the rotten boroughs.

Charlie Regan: is a straw man used by political campaigns to reject meaningless ideas of some volunteers without generating resentment. “As soon as Regan gets back I will give him your idea.” Charlie Regan never gets back; he is always “down at the printer.”

Eleventh Commandment: “Thou Shall Not Speak Ill of Fellow Republicans.” Dr. Gaylord E. Parkinson, 1966.

Full dinner pail: “The slogan of progress is changing from the “the full dinner pail to the full garage.” Herbert Hoover, 1928.

Hyphenated Americans: As in Irish-American, African-American and so on.

Jingo: aggressive patriotism; synonym, chauvinist, from the French Chauvin, an almost mythical over-the-top Napoleonic patriot. “I have always been against the pacifists during the quarrel, and against the jingoes at its close.” Winston Churchill, My Early Life.

Muckey-mucks/muck-a-muck: Probably derived from the Chinook jargon, hiu (plenty) muckamuck (food), hence one who has plenty to eat, a power broker.

Norwich: “kNickers Off  Ready When I Come Home” WWII servicemen writing home.

Santa Claus, nobody shoots at: Santa Claus being government entitlements/ programs for the poor; was coined by former governor Alfred E. Smith, 1933.

Snafu: “Situation Normal: All Fucked Up”

Twelfth Commandment: “Thou Shall Not Get Caught”

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This post is dedicated to scanner—the ScanMan—a gentleman, a kind friend and an asset anywhere.

Thoth © 2010