ThroughMyEyes

ThroughMyEyes
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East of nowhere,
Birthday
July 29
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"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content." ~Helen Keller

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 4, 2013 7:45AM

Parallel To None -----yet again

Rate: 14 Flag

I tend to be drawn toward weirdness.  Yes, I know welcome to OS.  That aside, I have a strong proclivity for shows on TV that question my logic. Again, yes I know welcome to Dee’s world. 

 

Take Ghost Hunters for example. Two Rotor-Rooter fellows leaving the shit behind to seek out paranormal activities in places reported to be haunted. There’s nothing like a full hour of: 

 

“You hear that?”

“Yea what was that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Holy shit did you hear that?”

“Sounds like its coming from over there.”      

"Yea I heard it too only over here.”

“Whoa shit man, did you see that?”

“Yea, what the F*** was that?”     

“I don’t know.”

 

But that’s not the show I want to talk about. The other night I happened to tune into the History Channel. There before me was a weenie horn rimmed glassed nimrod from California talking about Parallel Universes. Red flag #1; California & quantum physicist.To my amazement a strange discovery had been found. Red flag #2; California quantum physicist with a strange discovery. This is the deal according to Melvin. If there’s something in front of you that you can see (the see part is important) that very thing you are viewing may exist simultaneously in a parallel universe. This was the very moment that I sat straight up in bed with widen eyes and thought,

*Whoa, duel orgasms.*

 

According to Melvin, in order to understand the entire theory we have to think small? For Christ’s sake 85% of the population is already there what took you so long Melvin. We have to think smaller than an atom. Again, where have you been Melvin?  He’s now put me in my small state of thinking and begins to explain what all of this means to us.

Consider this; you’re in Arkansas visiting Aunt Emma. But are you really there? In walks the small mind thinking, after all it is Arkansas. In another parallel universe you’re not with Aunt Emma at all; you’re at home watching Gilligan’s Island.

 

 

Melvin states;

“When you observe something in one state, one theory is it split the universe into two parts; therefore giving us multiple universes yet we can see only one."     

After an hour or so I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to call Melvin.        

“Yo Melvin, it’s me Dee. No not that Dee, the one sitting up in bed thinking duel orgas……. I have questions. You threw a lot of crap at me with this parallel universe thing so can we shoot some of my questions though the black hole of time travel? Look Melvin you said the universe was infinite. Come on Dude, why would you even go there?” 

“That’s the thing Dee, we can’t go there. Therefore it must be infinite.

*thinking*

“Alrighty. You said our universe was contained in a small bubble bouncing off of a shit load of other bubbles. And sometimes pieces of the bubbles break off and form new little universes. Is that what we call floaters that appear in our eyes here in this plane? And how come our universe is not popping? What about that Melvin? Doesn’t that scare the crap out of you a bit Melvin that our universe could pop? You didn’t think of that did ya Melvin? And you also said that the parallel plane was flat. WTF Melvin. How the hell can round bubbles float inside a flat plane? Oh I get it, you were the kid in kindergarten that was able to put the round block in the square hole weren’t ya Melvin? And Melvin, you said that everything we know here is exactly the same in one, maybe two, maybe three parallel universes. So there’s 6,697,254,041 freakzoids times 3 out there? You happy with that estimate Melvin? You really want to believe that there are three Jimmy Swaggart’s out there? What about Elvis? Where’s he at Melvin? People wanna know. Yea figure that one out Melvin. What about Lassie Melvin? Did he really fall in the well or did Jimmy save him huh Melvin? This isn’t funny Melvin. Then you say that even though there are 6,697,254,041 freakziods times 3 out there not everything “we” are doing on another plane is the same as what we are doing on our current plane. You’re changing history now are ya Melvin? What are you saying Melvin? That Charles Mason could be sipping on Marguerites in St. Croix? That Lizzie Borden could be a tool maker for Kelly Axe in Louisville? That Rosie O’Donnell could be pretty?  That George Bush is a proctologist? That Boy George could be on the cover of GQ magazine? That Lorna Doone could be making spaghetti sauce? That Camilla Parker-Bowles has straight teeth? That Ulysses S Grant gives out college scholarships? That Grimms could   have written the bible? That Christians didn’t have to be re-born? That the tea baggers could be colonists in Boston? That DiVinci could be producing coded locks? That Nostradamus could be the medical term for nose picker? That Murphy’s Laws could be followed by our judicial system? That Gummi Bears live in thrive in South Africa? That Calvin Kline could be creating paper dolls? That Ben Franklin could be a pyromaniac? That Andy Heizeler could be Jimmy Hoffa? That Kit Duncan could be Monkey Sue’s sister? That Outside Myself could be a contortionist and is really inside herself? That Tinkertink could be a plumber? That Scanner could be a copy boy at Staples? That Open Salon is a beauty parlor for writers seeking a make over? Am I supposed to believe this Melvin??? Don’t piss me off Melvin.”      

“You’re giving me a migraine.” 

“And I hope it’s parallel to none.”

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Comments

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"I sat straight up in bed with widen eyes and thought, *Whoa, duel orgasms.*"

Well, if you mean "simultaneous" with the "duel orgasms" statement, that isn't so rare, in my experience. However, for you to achieve it by sitting straight up with eyes wide open is a little weird.

And I invented the word "weenie" in cyberspace 20 years ago in AOL-chat. I would like a citation, please.

Good post.
HA! I'm not surprised you opted to comment on the orgasams. I can still "think" how cool having orgasms at the same time on two different planes would be while sitting up right? Although...eyes wide open sitting up may be an achievement I need to add to my bucket list. *weenie??????...HEY....hotdogs were around long before you big fella! Good to see you Mr. R !
Quantam physicics...yeah I know, I can't spell....is the science of explaining what you can't see and may not exisit at all. In other words...."Why not."

I once attempted to grasp the Occum's Razor theory and as a result got addicted to over the counter headace medicine....a sad story.
I hae a headake after quantum physics, duel orgasms and Okams razer.
Oh David....Occam's razor theory would have been far more confusing to me than bouncing bubbles in flat surfaces. God bless your little soul for even making the attempt!
Zuma, according to the Occam theory simpler explanations are, other things being equal, generally better than more complex ones. Be that as it may one might think duel orgasms, as opposed to duel or triple Camilla-Parker Bowles, would be a calming feature. Think pilows and bouncy balls. maybe that will help the headache. ;-)
Yay! Why, it's about time. It is always good to see you, and welcome back. Excellent piece. R
*Thanks for the rate Steel! Good to see you about still.
Thoth my friend....it's people like you that keep me here. How could one turn their heads on the likes of you my dear. ;-)
Seer....visually unnerving isn't it?
(In reviewing the avatars of last 4 comments.)

Why do eye get the eye-dea that eye'm being watched. Spooky.
Joisey....don't know. Are ya wearing your pink bunny slippers?
I came for the orgasms, but stayed for the weirdly enjoyable read. ;)

(Rated yesterday, but the comment didn't stick.)
"bunny"?

We don't talk/have anything to do with "bunnies" ('cept Hef's crew).

It's wabbit slippers, thank you very much. And they're more pastel magenta instead of pink. Sheesh.
Man Talk Now said it for me. Very fun read, TME. Great to see you posting.
Man, I wonder what Melvin would think of his parallel plane theory being turned into an orgasmic event. Glad you came...back..no pun intended. I don't think....
Joisey, you look stunning!
Ferns! Thanks hon! I'm in a "Dee" survival mode so to speak. I need some shits and giggles even if I'm the only one shitting and giggling.
Duel WHAT!?!

Now I got "Dueling Banjos" playing in my head. Thanks ALOT.

And you've spilled the beans, Dee - yes. I AM Monkey Sue's sister. Now everyone knows the truth.

PS - I'm the cute one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I think...... no. I'm sure, I just fell down a rabbit hole - OK, OK, a "wabbit" hole.

I was just innocently passing by when I heard some dual duelling orgasms firing off.

Nice slippers..... ᴼᴥƪ

"R"
.
HA! Sky.....such an important topic and it's all boiling down to orgasms...who have thought! Hi!
TME,
Your first sentence said it all.....

The party will be complete as soon as Tink gets here!

;-)
.