ThroughMyEyes

ThroughMyEyes
Location
East of nowhere,
Birthday
July 29
Bio
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content." ~Helen Keller

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 5, 2013 11:52AM

Leave Those Nips Alone.

Rate: 11 Flag

 

“I’m 63 years old Dee. I think I need to consider some body alterations?” 

“Too late. They’ve already been altered.” 

“These! (Cupping what she could of her breasts in her hands) I want to change these!” 

“To what? Elbows?” 

“Larger, idiot, I want to make them larger. I’m sick and tired of everyone calling them fried eggs.” 

“You have a meal deal there Mar. Four slices of bacon and some home fries and its breakfast for two.” 

“Easy for you to say. You got boobs!” 

“They only cost me two deliveries and 10 years. What the hell Mar, did blouse darts come back and I didn’t get the memo?” 

“Dee I want to feel like a woman again. I want to feel sexy, attractive and add some excitement to my life. So what’s wrong with that?”

(Again cupping her eggs) 

“So get new lingerie, rent a double X and start fondling. Why fork out thousands when you get all of that for a few bucks.” 

“You’re sick.” 

“There’s a point there some where. Mar this entire breast enhancement thing has more cons than pros. Consider this; A visit to the city, the wind chill factor is minus 10 and we’re going to lunch. Your, once, 1/16 of an inch nip has been upgraded to an eight inch boning knife. We’re three minutes out of rounding 7th avenue and your nip hits the walk button before we even make the turn. Are you looking to kill innocent pedestrians by creating a sporadic walk/don’t walk signal? You can do time for that you know.” 

"Come on Dee…” 

“Then there’s the sex thing. You hate sex. Why encourage it? Did you know that lying on your stomach with hard boobs will cause your ass to rise 4 inches upwards? You didn’t consider that did you? You’ll have created a perpetual invite for Guy. Is that what you want?” 

“I hate you.” 

“Damn it woman you love your tea. Do you seriously think the spoon is going to get in the cup first?” 

‘There are pros too yanno.” (Looking down at her omelet’s) 

“Sure there are. A bit of lead taped to the end  of a nip and you could make entries into your work log leaving both hands free while making dinner. Better yet you could be creative Mar. All you’d need was some wax and a sheet of drawing paper. I hear the Wadsworth is looking for young and upcoming artists for an exhibit. You could sell Avon for C****t’s sake. Think about it. There’d be no waiting in the rain for the customer’s door to open. You could ring that bell from 50 feet and still get there before they do. Leaky faucets would never be a problem again. Plug that bugger with a nip till the plumber gets there and you’re good to go. Worried about muggers Mar? A can of freeze on, a quick spray and you’ve got the ultimate eye piercing weapon. Screw not getting good cell phone reception anymore. A little tin foil wrapped on that nip and you’ll be swimming in radio waves. Spring planting? Come on Mar think about the ease. You could have the hole dug long before you bent down to put the seed in. Locked your keys in the car? You don’t want to think about that one do you?  Get that leash tied tight on that nip Mar and you could take the dog for a walk without having to move from the front steps. You talk about exercising all the time Mar but you’re too damn lazy. Can’t beat jump roping while seated can ya? You’re right Mar. There are pros.” 

“Bitch. What about liposuction” 

“You’re not a candidate for that Mar.” 

"I’m Fat! Why am I not a candidate?” 

“I hear they go through the ear now. It is of my opinion that the area they’d reach has already been sucked dry.” 

“Bitch” 

“Shut up McMuffin. I'm trying to erase the visuals."

 

 

 

wo-19[1]
   

 

 

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Comments

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Just did! That's tooooo funny!
I ALWAYS laugh when I read you. ALWAYS. Not a word I toss around lightly.... But, ALWAYS!
Kit! I've been terribly lax in my other communication with you and for that, I apologize. This is a "good" up right now prior to a potential sewer purge based on 2 ply toilet paper being shoved by droves in to the porcelain princess for a month now by the merry widow. Now set down those animations and write me page or so. The banter would do us both good! Oh yea....ty for giving me your lightly tossed around "always" !
Put my animations down?? That's CRAZY talk!
Kit....and your point is????????? :-)
Dee-lightful. I was endowed with a good size, i guess --36c. TMI? I'll send you some if need be. They don't do me much good. You have an interesting mind there.
Ferns, I'll let Mar know you're willing to go through side by side surgery. It would be a definate postive if some of your comedic talent was transferred during the process. This lady could use a sense of humor.
Now I will have nightmares about fried eggs with big nips taped to me puppies! R
i would love to take that dame up there in the picture out for,uh,
coffee or absinthe or whatever her fancy.

this is a post about an important subject.

well, not really but they make it out so, and all you wimmin fall for it.

ha .
"“Then there’s the sex thing. You hate sex. Why encourage it? "

glamor? aesthetics? you wimmin always a mystery.
You sure rained down on Mar's parade; actually, you have destroyed all hope! This is hilarious, TME; I mean seriously funny. R
Zuma....add fries. It helps calm the nerves.
James...If you've lived with fried eggs all of your life I'm sure at some point you'd have a craving for prime rib. Alas, once eaten it's gone.
Thoth, Mar is still trying to find herself. I just help you through the process. That's what friends are for right? ;-)
Rated.....but then,i'll rate anything with boobs in it.....except congress...
Steel, Agree...on the congress part!
I too needed this.. and so what if I have gone south... the weather's great down there..
HUGGGGGGGGGG
Lin, I think the south is a great place to be. So does my husband . That's wrong on so many levels isn't it? ;-)