We sat on lawn chairs down the hill from a pre civil war cabin in central Tennessee. It was late fall and the sky was gunmetal grey. I knew that if I could touch them with my tongue the clouds would taste like iron. I held Randy's hand in mine, it was hot against the chill of the day. He was a new friend. We had met at this gathering and found that he and his boyfriend were also from Illinois. He smoked a joint to help him with the nausea that came as a side effect of his medication and helped increase his appetite.

   Randy had a clarity in his eyes that I've never seen in another person. He was unblinking and looked at me from a depth that was unreachable for most of us. It was as if the fire that burned him inside had not charred him but distilled him down to the essence of what he was. The superfluous had burned away in his battle with death and had left him with the remainder of his life having been distilled down, intensified with meaning that I could grasp as a concept but was unable to replicate.

   It would be superficial if not ignorant to believe that it was his impending death that had made Randy the person that I met that day. It would ignore all the experience that led him to meet his end in such a graceful and noble manner. The opportunity to learn these things was lost to a disease and to a society that looked upon its victims with loathing and fear. 

Randy was the first friend that I lost to AIDS.

POST SCRIPT: Two things- First, you may wonder why I am writing this a good month before World AIDS Day. It is in hopes that you will begin now to think about how you will involve yourself in that day. Should it be a day of memorium or one of activism? There is no wrong response worse than no response at all. Second, I hope to write in the coming weeks more about the issue and this is the starting point of a hoped for discussion of gay life in America past and present, and issues such as how homophobia effects us all but I would like to make the disclaimer ahead of time that I don't want this to become a gay blog, or even a blog with a gay worldview (and now for the gay opinion on the matter...) but one that recognizes that my sexuality is one part of who I am just as your preference for the missionary position is just one aspect of who you are and allows me to write as myself not just as that gay guy. Thanks then for any open mindedness  you bring to the table in future discussions and I look forward to what we can all learn from each other in the days ahead.