Chapter 37: Creating an Appealing Avatar.

The avatar (ava- route, as in avenue + tar- something sticky, the route to  attracting readers) is one of your best free forms of advertising and is a way to attract visitors to your post. Just as you don't want visitors to be put off by the entrance to your bricks and mortar home you don't want them to be repulsed by their first impressions of you and your blog either.

One of the fastest ways to scare off readers is to overestimate your own attractiveness. While many here pose as hard thinking intellectuals, they are, like everyone else on a psuedo-sexual search under the guise of being mental highbrows. Of course your outer appearence is irrelevant. People are not here to judge your shell. They are here to judge your avatars shell. It should be attractive as possible.

If for instance the results of getting drunk and trying to spit  vodks fire have horribly disfigured your face focus closely upon the good parts. Those people who tell you that the damage just gives you character are liars. They want you to feel good not get more readers. So who's your real friend now?

If you suffer from goat eye a pair of glasses is your best friend. They also add mystery. They however do nothing for you if you are uni-testicular. In this case a picture in profile is suggested and careful lighting to create illusory shadows.

Here is  another good example of hiding the flaws that is very succesful. Even upon closer study one would never know that this man is also uini-testicular.

Ladies, if you have a good rack lean back on a fence and accentuate this fact but be sneaky and act  like you are just a casual lady taking the girls out for a walk. Trust me even the guys with one good eye up there are checking out the tata's.

Massive head trauma can even be hidden in order to present the best possible picture to your readers. While a hat is highly affective towards making this endeavor a success a nice rack will once again draw down the eye, moving it away from the metal plate up top and letting others focus on your talents instead.

I Killed My Infant Daughter For Satan!

If you are prone to writing dark and angry posts don't smile in your avatar pic. I don't know if this affects readership one way or another but I can't really get into your post about your suicide attempt when your smiling at me like a Doublemint twin.

  Although sometimes a nice smile can get you rewarded.

Don't let gender constrain your clothing choices when creating your avatar. Blended gender is becoming more popular amongst the younger generation.

However! Leave your kinky sex practices at home. While the good liberals here at OS wouldn't judge you in the comments section. We will all be PMing behind your back if you choose to reveal your love of bestiality in your avatar pic. A lively post and a hearty discussion are more appropriate to a subject of this breadth and depth.

Don't be afraid of good grooming. Looking your best helps you in being your best. A snip snip here and a snip snip there make a world of difference as seen in this before and after. 

Do not be afraid to make trade on your personal fame. Below are three successful stars who proudly post their likenesses. The famous singer Van Morrison covers the Mystic Ireland beat for OS and is joined by another sixties icon Joan Biaz. I'm sure it is just a matter of time before we get that tell all post from Joan on the size of Bob Dylans 'talent'. Of course we all know that last famous gentleman. He was the first megastar to go by just one name. Ironic isn't it that he even beat madonna out on that one? 

And if you are a mega star why hide your glory?

Just being you is all it takes.